Page 12 of Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are

I blew out a sigh, directing my gaze toward the window. It drizzled outside. Orange leaves and a white plastic grocery bag blew across the path, where the bike stands were situated. I watched it dance in the fall breeze, pirouetting and swirling to a haunted imaginary tune.

The bell rang, startling me, and I scooted my chair back as the other students collected their bags and made their way out of the classroom.

Evelyn waited for me, gripping the strap of her striped canvas bag, which hung over her shoulder.

As we joined the others in the crowded hallway, she nudged me with her elbow. “What’s up with you today? You’ve been quiet.”

I went to answer, but Lewis bumped into me as he ran past, chased by Max, who caught him just as they were about to turn the corner.

I rolled my eyes.

Lily joined us, cupping her mouth and shouting out to Max, “Take it easy on him.”

Then she looked at me, smiling brightly. Lily was always the sunshine in our small group. “How did the quiz go? I thought it was brutal.”

Shrugging noncommittally, I turned the corner. “It went shit.”

Lily burst out laughing, her shoulders shaking with amusement. Evelyn snickered, too. “It’s not like you to not smash quizzes.”

“I’m distracted,” I replied.

“You’re coming to Max’s party tonight, right?”

“She’s coming,” Evelyn answered for me as she looped her arm through my elbow. The large doors to the cafeteria were up ahead, one door propped open against the gray wall. My stomach growled on cue.

“You should wear something nice…like a dress.”

My nose scrunched up and I could sense her exchanging a look with Evelyn. Trust them to be in cahoots with each other. I kept walking, ignoring them both.

Lily hesitated beside me before speeding up and turning around, entering the cafeteria backward. “You’ve not been yourself lately, so we thought this could be the perfect night to let your hair down, you know? Have a good time.”

Nothing went unnoticed when it came to my two closest friends. I couldn’t tell them about last night’s dream or the visions I’d had lately. I didn’t want to, either. I was losing grip on reality.

“A good time,” I repeated, tasting the foreign word on my tongue. I used to party before Nate died. But ever since then, I couldn’t find it in me to muster up excitement. I had become a recluse.

Besides, on a different note, I should have got my phone out and googled what it meant to have sexual nightmares about a guy I killed by accident. My therapist would salivate if I indulged him with this information.

As we entered the bustling cafeteria, Dustin ran up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist from behind, swinging us around before setting me back on my feet. The room spun for a short moment as I released a startled laugh.

“Don’t you think our girl should wear something nice tonight?” Lily asked him, winking at me.

Dustin sensed a trap when I narrowed my eyes. His arm slid around my shoulder, and he tucked me close to his chest. “This girl is beautiful, no matter what.”

“Bork!” Evelyn walked ahead, rolling her eyes.

“So you’re coming?” he asked me.

I didn’t have a choice if I wanted to blend in and come across as a normal teenager.

Nodding, I escaped from under his arm, picking up a tray and cutlery. “Yeah, why not.”

After taking a seat at our usual table, I tuned out from the conversation while staring at my food. My stomach churned uncomfortably as my gaze drifted toward the tall windows and the rain outside. It came down heavier now, spattering against the glass and making it hard to see the trees swaying in a sudden gust of wind. Everything was gray.

I let my eyes drift from the window and scanned the room, studying the students. They made it seem so easy to fit in and remain invisible in a sea of people. I felt like I stood out, as if everybody could see right through me—all my secrets. My shame was written on my forehead. I was an open book, my pages sprawled open for anyone to flip through.

So, yes… If it kept the spotlight off me, I would wear a dress and let the girls camouflage me with makeup and fancy hair products. I’d do whatever I needed to paint over the cracks that threatened to break me open. I’d blend in with the shadows.

The heavy beat drifted over every exposed sliver of skin as I lost myself in the music and alcohol. Max’s spacious living room was crowded with footballers and cheerleaders, who’d all come out tonight to party. The muggy air left a sheen of sweat on my skin despite the open patio doors leading out to the infinity pool.

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