Page 33 of Zade (Den of Sin)

“How was work?” She asks as she sits down across from me.

“Fine.”

She shakes her head and places a slice of pork loin on her plate along with potatoes, vegetables, and a salad.

“Did you order your textbooks?”

Amira smiles sweetly, “I did.”

I take a bite of my food, chewing slowly, trying to buy myself time but eventually ask, “What else did you do today?”

Her eyes flutter to mine with a sexy smolder, “I fucked myself in your bed.”

I cough, nearly choking on my food, “Is something wrong with your bed?”

She shrugs like it’s no big deal, “It doesn’t smell like you.”

I grit my teeth, “It’s fine. I’ll wash my sheets before I go to bed.”

Disappointment shows on her face and I let her believe that’s what I’ll do. I won’t. I’ll lay there with the scent of her cunt in my bed and torture myself all night long. I should tell her how inappropriate that is and stick to her bed in the future. Hell, I should lock my door so she can’t get in there. I must be a masochist now because I already know I won’t do either of those things. I’m a fucking disgrace.

After we finish dinner I say, “We need to talk.”

I get up and she follows me to the living room. I sit on the sofa and she sits beside me, I turn to her, “We can’t be together the way you want, Amira. I’m sorry.”

Her face falls and makes my chest hurt, her gaze drops to her lap, “Did you like having sex with me? Or was it bad?”

I pinch the bridge of my nose, feeling another headache coming on, “It was perfect. This isn’t a sex issue.”

She glances up at me, pain etched in her expression, “Well, we keep doing that. If you give it time you might develop feelings for me. It happens, feelings grow, Zade.”

“It’s not you. It’s me. I know how cliche that sounds but it’s the truth. I’ve never been in a real relationship.”

She shakes her head in disbelief, “My mother?”

“You don’t know, do you?”

When she stares at me like I have two heads my suspicion is confirmed so I tell her, “I was in college and was walking back from a drunken night with my buddy Sin. I heard what sounded like an infant crying. I followed the sound to an alley and found her as well as you beside a garbage dumpster. She was eating from the garbage dumpster to survive.”

Amira gasps, “What?”

I continued, “Her boyfriend, a low-level drug dealer, and also your father left you both in a motel room and never returned. She was kicked out after three days of not paying for the room.”

Tears streak her cheeks but I fight myself not to brush them away, “I took you both in. A few months later I married her.”

She shakes her head, “No. You wouldn’t marry a woman you didn’t love.”

I smile at the memory, “I couldn’t send an innocent child back onto the streets. She made choices that led her there I suppose, but you? You didn’t ask to be born into that. I’ll always take care of you, Amira. I will never break that vow but I can’t give you more than that. I couldn’t give it to her when she begged for it and I can’t do it for you either. It would be a mess. You would get hurt and I’d lose you forever. I can’t take that risk. Please understand.”

She rises from the couch and places her hands on her hips, “You don’t want to lose me?”

“I don’t.”

She laughs humorlessly, “Too late, Zade. I can’t pretend that night didn’t happen. I can’t. You’re asking too much.”

I stand up, “Give it time, Amira. Things will get back to normal. It shouldn’t have happened and I’m sorry.”

Amira grabs her chest as if I stabbed her, “The worst night of your life is my best. We are not the fucking same.”

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