Page 27 of Prairie Sky

Today is a hopeful day. We visited a Fertility Clinic in the city. Over 7 years of disappointment while trying to start a family and we finally have answers. After a bunch of tests, they determined Violet still has a chance of conceiving, albeit small. Violet cried so many tears at the news. The Doctor was optimistic that with the right combination of medication she could increase her chances and should get pregnant. This is our last chance to start a family, although I told Violet I would adopt her 20 kids if that is what she wanted. She insists she wants to carry our child. So many times, I have wished the problem was me. That I could take the burden of this from her. But God had other plans. After talking through it, we are choosing to be optimistic and proceed with the medication.

May 22, 1992

Today is one of the best days of my life! Just when we were ready to completely give up, we found out today Violet is pregnant! What do you know, those darn drugs worked. They made her so sick to her stomach, but after realizing that the sickness seemed to only happen in the morning, she took a pregnancy test. She came racing into the barn with the positive pregnancy test in her hand, not able to wait till I came inside. I have never seen my flower happier! God is good! I cannot wait to be a daddy.

January 19, 1993

Our baby girl is here! Daisy Everleigh Wolton was born at 2:53 this morning. 6 lbs 5 oz and 20 inches long. After a long labour, she finally arrived. Violet was so brave through the delivery. My woman is strong, and I am so proud of her. Daisy is so tiny and beautiful, just like her mama, with a shock of reddish-brown hair. When I held her in my arms, I think I fell in love all over again. No one tells you what that will feel like, but it was true. Completely in love. Now I have two flowers in my bouquet. I am a truly blessed man.

January 25, 1993

I can finally take my beautiful flowers home. Seeing Violet with Ever (my nickname for my little girl) makes my heart feel so full. I feel like it may bust out of my chest. Violet was born to be a mother. She just knows exactly what Ever needs almost before she needs it. Although neither of us has gotten much sleep, we are truly happy and grateful to God for our little family.

April 30, 1993

I could finally take Violet home from the hospital today. The last week has been scary. Seeing your wife collapse on the kitchen floor is enough to stop any man’s heart. In the Emergency they ran some tests and found a tumour in her uterus. The tumour was the size of a baseball and they found out it was cancer. My flower had cancer growing inside her and I did not know. A few times she looked like she was in some kind of pain, but when I asked, she said it was just some cramps after childbirth or that her body was just resetting itself. “It is normal,” she would tell me as she smiled and went about her day. After the surgery, the doctors said it was successful and they think they got it all. More tests will follow, but for now my flower is okay. Sadly, we cannot have any more children, but Violet says God blessed us with Daisy and we need to count our blessings. I know she is right.

May 19, 1994

Ever is growing up so fast! She is the prettiest little girl in Primrose and loves to spend time with me in the barn. She is fearless too, so I cannot turn my back for a second. If I turn my back even for a moment, she is in the sheep pen petting the lambs. I take her with me in the morning to do the chores to let Violet sleep. She has been so tired lately and I need to get her into the doctor soon. Since her cancer scare, we take all aches and pains seriously. Every time I suggest it, she tells me I worry too much, saying she is just tired as she has been up with Ever at night. I know my little flower is a good sleeper, so it does not make sense. Best to get her checked out.

May 25, 1994

The cancer is back. They did a bunch of tests and said it has spread to her bladder and liver. They say its stage four and treatments available have a very low success rate. Violet wants to go home and be in her own bed, so I took my flower home today. Her parents want her to try treatment despite the low chances of recovery, but Violet says no. “I have had a good life and want to enjoy what time I have left. I want to be home with my family,” she told them. Hearing the news today, I wanted to scream, “Why? Why is cancer attacking my beautiful flower?” I just want to wrap her up and protect her, not let her feel any pain. Keep her forever with me. I know that is not God’s plan, but right now, my faith is shaken.

June 3, 1994

My mother-in-law has moved in to help with Ever. She wanted to take her to their house, but Violet insisted Ever stay home with us. She does not want to miss a minute of our little girl’s life. Fred has been coming in each day to chore the animals, so I can spend every moment with my flower. Each day feels like a nightmare, but I try so hard to be strong for Violet. She is in so much pain, I know she is, but insists she is fine. We have medication to help her get through the pain, but as I lay next to her while she sleeps, I can feel her body tense and at times she cries out, the pain too much to bear. It is tearing me up inside. I wish I could take all her pain away, even if just for a day. Take that pain and put it on myself instead.

June 27, 1994

Today was a good day. Violet was in good spirits. Ever and I napped with her this afternoon, all in the big bed. After dinner, she asked if I could carry her downstairs so she could sit on her bench and watch the sunset on the porch. Ever joined us sitting beside her mom and Violet asked if I could take a picture of them. She said because they looked “Pretty as a picture”. I wrapped my girls in a blanket, and we enjoyed the colors painting the prairie sky. It felt like it did when we first moved in here as newlyweds. When days were uncomplicated and simple. When life or death was not a decision. As I held my flowers and watched the sky dance in magnificent colors, I thanked God for moments like this, reminding me that I have so much to be grateful for.

CHAPTER 11

Ben exited the barn and made his way up the path to the farmhouse. He had not seen Ever since she returned that afternoon from town. She was shaken up, he could tell. The mystery of her name and details surrounding her mother’s death, a revelation that was occupying her thoughts and weighing heavily on her heart.

“Ever! Where are you, sweetheart?” he called, coming in the back door, hanging his hat on the hook.

“In Dad’s office.” She shouted.

Coming around the corner, he found her in Hardin’s recliner, her eyes red rimmed and face wet from tears. In her hands she held an old leather journal.

“What have you been doing?” he asked, leaning down to kiss her on the head and glancing at the journal in her hands.

“I found this,” she replied, passing the journal to Ben.

He opened it, reading the front cover, his eyes widening in question. “Is this his journal?”

She nodded and gave him an anguished look.

Holding out his hand, he pulled her up from her seat and wrapped his comforting arms around her. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I will be,” she sighed, swallowing down the lump still in her throat. “Just so many secrets. I don’t understand why my dad made the decisions he did. Why all the mystery? Oh, check this out…” she continued. Leaving his arms, she opened the folder; she had found earlier, still on her father’s desk. Pulling out the Change of Name Application, she handed it to Ben.

Taking it from her, Ben perused the document and looked up at her in question. “But why would he go to all the trouble to change your name? And this happened after your mother’s death?

She nodded, confirming his suspicions.

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