Page 175 of Blood of the Stars

Aeliana wrapped her arms around herself, trying to process what had happened. She turned back to catch Durriken’s frame growing smaller in the distance. How could he have let her go if he was branded? And why had he left?

Iris, Holm, Cyrus and Kendalyhn joined her, and Iris fussed over her cuts and scrapes as if Aeliana couldn’t simply heal them with a slight tug from her blood’s power. Normally Aeliana would bask in the attention, something she’d never experienced as a child, but now it left her agitated.

“We need to get the wounded to the trees.” Sylmar’s expression was even grimmer than usual, his face drained of color and the rest of his skin and beard coated in ash. The ash of burned foliage and burned people. The remains of those who were fathers, mothers, siblings, husbands, wives, and children. “No one can be in this valley when he returns. If he flies to the fortress and back, we have at least until mid-morning tomorrow. I wouldn’t count on anything more.”

“And then what?” Aeliana asked. “We were supposed to have at least a day here to plan before traveling on to her fortress. We can hide from the dragon in the woods, but what if she sends out troops? We’re not equipped to fight her anymore.”

“We never were,” Sylmar said. “Emeris is the only one equipped to fight her. Even if this ends up being a suicide mission for us all, it will be worth it if we can get Emeris out.”

His harsh words made them all pause, the wails of the injured filling the silence.

“How many troops do we have left?” Cyrus asked.

Sylmar eyed the smoldering valley. “Maybe a quarter. Enough to march forward and make a plan while we move. They don’t have to win this battle. They just need to get us in to Emeris.”

Aeliana shivered at the dark truth behind his words.

“And to find Aeliana’s blood,” Cyrus added.

Sylmar turned to Aeliana. “Yes. That too.”

“Come on,” Holm said. “Let’s spread the word. Wounded to the forest. Those able to fight—camp here. We march out with the Sun’s morn.” He tugged on Iris’ and Kendalyhn’s sleeves, and Cyrus joined them.

When Aeliana moved to follow, Sylmar stopped her.

“What did you hope to accomplish by having Durriken take you?” For once his words held no anger or judgment, just curiosity.

“I thought if he took me, he’d leave these people alone.” Aeliana couldn’t hold Sylmar’s gaze. “His orders would be fulfilled. I thought I could protect them. It’s my fault Durriken was still alive. It’s my fault they’re all dead.”

Every choice she made seemed to have a miscalculation behind her motive. All the way back to releasing Durriken in the first place. Probably earlier. She wanted to regret her actions. She’d cost people their lives. But when faced with the possibility of protecting an innocent victim, even one as foreboding as Durriken, she would make the same choice again.

She waited for Sylmar’s rebuke, wanting the words to inflict the pain she deserved. Instead, his hand brushed her back with the faintest of pats.

“I’ve been harsh with your training. You were never meant to carry this weight. Bringing you here to find your mother and chase down your blood was too much.”

She shook her head but didn’t trust her words to come out right. She’d needed his harshness. If she’d stayed back on Bamboo Island waiting for her mother, she never would have agreed to learn magic. She never would have understood the good that could come with it. She probably would have hidden in a hole and bled herself to death, alone and afraid because she didn’t understand what was happening to her.

Sylmar grunted. “Mayvus has many resources at her disposal. If it wasn’t Durriken, it would have been something else.”

It was a poor attempt to absolve her guilt, but it meant more coming from Sylmar. They watched as several soldiers carried and carted wounded across the valley, making their way toward the southwest corner. She wrapped her arms around herself as the moans of the injured met her ears.

“Was there something I could have done differently?” she whispered. “Should I have let Gaeren kill him?”

“We’ll never know. None of us escape this life without regrets. Sometimes even the right motivation and the right action don’t produce the right outcome.” Sylmar’s voice grew thick, drawing her curiosity. She peeked up at him, catching a rare vulnerable look on his face. He examined the knot-like marks on his hands, flexing his fingers. Were they tied to some of his regrets?

“The night your mother was kidnapped, I came to warn her,” he said.

“In Celanoft?” Aeliana’s eyebrows rose. Sylmar rarely spoke of his past. She spent the most time training with him out of everyone but knew the least of his history.

“I came too late to save her.” He cleared his throat, gaze still on his scars. “And you. I found Iris, and we teamed up to plan her rescue and to await your father’s return, but Mayvus has always been one step ahead of us. I will always have regrets about that night, especially after seeing what it’s done to you.”

Aeliana pressed her lips together.

He glanced at her, the sorrow on his face making him look decades older. “Did they hurt you much?”

Aeliana stilled. She hadn’t gone into detail with anyone about her years in Lorvandas. They had their suspicions after knowing she’d done blood magic, but she’d witnessed and unwillingly participated in hundreds of crimes. She’d wished away all the times they’d bled her. But seeing her past in light of everything she’d done in Vendaras made it seem smaller. Those had been Arvid’s and Vera’s wrong choices, not hers. Cyrus was right to be grateful for where the Stars had placed her.

She supposed somehow that meant there was purpose even in her choice to help Durriken at great cost, but she wasn’t ready to face that. Not yet. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t ease Sylmar’s grief and guilt.

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