He shook his head, even though he knew that was what he was doing with her now, in this very moment. It wasn’t the same. It couldn’t be.
“I want to be alone,” he said. “Even if it’s just for a few moments. Have the guards collect me after you’re in bed.”
Enla pursed her lips, her eyes flashing with indignation.
Gaeren tried channeling the moment they’d had on the veranda, the scent of her perfume, the comfortable safety and warmth of family, but for once his magic failed him, his mind too focused on the here and now.
“Life isn’t a fairy tale,” she said. “Real happy endings come with a price.” She pushed past him, her hair and dress flouncing out to hit him with one last puff of lilac before she rounded the trees and out of sight.
“If the price is too high,” he whispered, “there’s no happy ending at all. For anyone.”
It wasn’t possible she heard him. But even if she had, she wouldn’t have listened. Her dedication to the throne was probably admirable, but it also scared Gaeren.
He shook his head, turning to the approaching wagon. He raced to meet Larkos before the horses could come any closer. The older man sat up on the bench, his hooded cloak concealing his telltale tattoos and earring, but Thallahan leaned out from the back of the wagon, grinning ear to ear. Arms reached out to haul Gaeren up before Larkos could turn around, but Gaeren didn’t have time to examine whom they belonged to.
While empty kegs were tossed over the wagon’s edge, a paper and pen were shoved under Gaeren’s nose. He signed without question, pressing his signet ring into the soft wax. Thallahan rolled up the note, and the other men shoved Gaeren into a compartment beneath the bench, hidden by hay, momentarily making Gaeren question his own sanity. The space felt large enough for only one, and he folded his limbs together to fit, but as the door shut and he scooted in farther, he bumped against something soft and warm.
“I told them to leave me back at Starspeed.” Riveran’s voice came through the darkness, making tears prick at the back of Gaeren’s eyes.
He wished he could see his old friend, but it was enough to know he was there. He’d always been there if Gaeren had been willing to look.
“They couldn’t decide if I would attract negative attention or give them clout to get in the grounds,” Riveran said. “For some reason, that meant I got stuck riding in here with you.”
Gaeren wanted to tell Riveran he wouldn’t want it any other way, but his throat grew too raw to speak. He found Riveran’s shoulder and clapped a hand on it.
“Did you see Marnok up in the wagon?” Riveran asked.
Gaeren shook his head, then barked out a “no” when he remembered Riveran was as blind in the darkness as he was.
“He checked all the taverns and merchants. Not a single soul recognized him. He’s asked permission to sail with us. At first Larkos said no, but then he figured even if you don’t trust him, the fact that Marnok knows where we’re going is dangerous. He’s leaving it up to you to decide if he comes as a sailor or as cargo.”
Gaeren’s laugh came out harsh as he choked back the knot clogging his throat. He dragged in a breath, fighting the clash of the pain over Enla’s lies with the sudden rush of camaraderie with a friend he’d unfairly abandoned.
“You all right?” Riveran asked.
Gaeren squeezed his friend’s shoulder tighter. Even though it was his opposite spoke, sending Riveran the memories suddenly felt easier than trying to explain. They came through in reverse order: the heat of Enla’s admission, the stubborn hatred Gaeren had carried for the last two years, the pain Gaeren had shared with Enla when he’d returned to address her broken bond, the last moments Riveran and Gaeren had shared as friends before Gaeren had left for school, dozens of childhood memories of running, laughing, fighting, playing—solidifying the foundation Gaeren and Riveran’s friendship had been built on.
The memories cut off as Gaeren’s hand slipped with the jostle of the wagon. A long pause settled between them before Riveran wrenched him in for a hug that was almost too fierce.
“It was she who betrayed you,” Gaeren whispered. “I’m sorry, brother.”
“I doubt you have the full story.” Riveran let Gaeren go, his voice breaking. Suddenly the darkness felt like a blessing. “It’s never completely one person’s fault.”
“Well, now I’m ready to listen.”
A hand rapped on the wood of their compartment.
“Shut up, lovebirds. We’re almost at the gate.”
CHAPTER 67
The stop at the gate took far longer than Gaeren would have liked, but after a fair amount of arguing, Larkos showed the guards Gaeren’s seal of approval and convinced them they’d already delivered the ale Prince Gaeren had ordered to a back door per his instructions. It sounded like something Gaeren might have done in his recent state.
A knock came from above, signaling they could talk again, but by now Riveran and Gaeren had grown uncomfortably quiet. Dozens of questions ran through Gaeren’s head, questions about Riveran’s wife and baby, why his friend had kept quiet about the truth, how the bond had been broken if it wasn’t for Riveran’s infidelity. As far as Gaeren knew, the only way besides death or unfaithfulness was to cut the bond out. Had his parents forced that on Riveran? Or had they forced the wife on Riveran?
But all of those questions seemed too personal after the gap in their friendship the last two years.
“Why did she tell you?” Riveran asked.