Page 35 of No Kisses for the Neighbor Next Door

One thing is glaring immediately: the hedges have been trimmed. I notice this because I’m not wrestling twigs and branches to get to the back gate. Another change is the back gate itself. Where there used to be a cobbled-together mangle of planks, sticks, twisted wire, and bent nails, there is now an actual functioning gate, that I don’t struggle with, and a latch that works. I open the gate, which doesn’t creak at all, and walk through into the backyard. I call out hello and Sinatra comes zooming round the corner to greet me with excited woofs.

“Wow, Sinatra. Looks like you’ve got a brand-new backyard.”

The raggle-taggle of old boxes and broken furniture are gone. The grass is neat. And there are even raised beds with vegetables growing and tomato plants beginning to climb bamboo canes. I stop to admire the new-look garden and notice then the fencing enclosing the space, all the way around, and not just in random areas. Up the back porch steps, there are more improvements. The whole back porch has had a makeover. The woodwork decking and balustrade are freshly painted a pretty pale blue. Hanging baskets containing pansies and lobelia welcome me as I knock on the door.

“Ernie? Am I at the right house?”

I can hear shuffling inside, then Ernie opens the door.

“Come on in,” he says, sweeping an arm inward.

“What has happened here?” I say stepping into Ernie’s kitchen. The surprises don’t stop outside. The old man’s kitchen is bright and clean. Things are tidied away, and the cupboard doors are even closed.

“Ah, Molly. Yes. You haven’t been over since my home improvements.”

I sit down on one of the chairs, which are still mismatched but mended and clean.

“Your place looks amazing.”

“Thanks. Yes. We’re very pleased with it, aren’t we, Sinatra?” Ernie addresses his little dog who followed me in and has settled in his bed in the corner. “Can I offer you a cup of tea, perhaps?”

“Yes, please. That would be nice. .” I’m encouraged to accept Ernie’s offer because of the recently cleaned gleaming kitchen. “But only if you’re having one.”

Ernie moves toward the counter and fills an electric kettle with water.

“Just a minute. You have a new kettle.”

“That’s right. It was a gift from Cam.” I lean on the tabletop and wait for more information. “He was nagging me about getting the fence fixed. You know how Sinatra used to enjoy getting out and going on adventures.” I nod. I knew. “So, one day, last week or it could have been the week before, anyway. Cam came round with a couple of his buddies from the fire department and, I thought, first off, that I was in trouble. ‘What now?’ I thought.” Ernie chuckles. “But they came with all sorts of things for fixing up my place. You know, the paint and fencing and everything.”

“That is the nicest thing I’ve ever heard in my life,” I say wide-eyed.

“Yeah. I think so. And it doesn’t stop there. Cam said that my house was as flammable as a woodshed in a heatwave. And the gas stove top and matches were just asking for trouble. So, he brought round this electric kettle. Said it was a spare and I was doing him a favor by taking it off his hands.” I suppress a laugh. “And that’s not all, Molly. Take a look in here.” Ernie opens one of the cupboard doors revealing a row of pristine, unstained, unchipped mugs.

“That’s amazing.”

“And that’s not all, Molly,” says Ernie reaching down to retrieve something from the other side of the stove. He lifts up a shiny red fire extinguisher to show me. “It works, too. Do you want to see?”

“No. No that’s okay. I believe you. And better save it for a real emergency, huh?”

“Yeah. You’re right.” He puts the fire extinguisher back in its place beside the stove.

“And that’s not all.”

“There’s more?”

“Yes.” Ernie points up at the ceiling. “That’s what they call a smoke alarm. If you don’t have one, I definitely recommend getting one. It makes this awful noise if there’s smoke or things get too hot. It’ll wake you up even if you’re sound asleep in your bed. And probably wake the neighbors too.” Ernie thinks this is hilarious. The kettle has boiled, and he makes the tea. He offers milk but I decline. The fridge is still the old one and no amount of cleaning will stop milk from turning bad.

“Cheers, Ernie. Here’s to your new home.”

“Thanks. It was nice of Cam, wasn’t it.”

“Yes. But I think he just did it because he didn’t want your dog stealing his steak anymore.”

“I think you’re right.”

Ernie’s tea tasted alright in the new mugs with water from the new kettle. I was impressed by Cam’s kindness and the lengths he had gone to in helping out an old man. I tell Ernie that I’ll be back to take Sinatra out for a walk. I’ll just pop home to dump my bag and put on my jeans and sneakers.

I’m still smiling about Ernie’s place as I approach my house. Then I stop and look over at number four. I sigh. There’s no neighbor next door. The windows are dark. It’s quiet. No one is home.

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