Page 56 of The Ones We Fight For

There it was, the reason Clifford was there. The reason he had flown across the whole damn country just to see her. Months ago Talia would have wanted that, wanted him. Or rather, she would have wanted the comfort of something easy and stable. There had always been something missing from their relationship, though. She loved him, of course, but she didn’t need him. When they broke up, it was more the lack of stability, the loss of a friend, and the change of plans that pained her the most.

Clifford always had the same mindset with their relationship as Talia did. A sense of duty to a scripted life outweighed his need for anything involving extreme risk or passion. It was why when they slept together it was more strategic, just one of many items on a checklist of things to accomplish. They didn’t try new things. They did what worked. When one of them needed release, the other person provided it. Cliff was reliable. He showed up when it was required of him, but this was the first time he had ever shown up unexpectedly. They had never even had any heated arguments. In the time she had known him, the closest they had ever come to a fight was right then, with Cliff standing in front of her with a determined look across his face.

Walker was a different picture. Every time he touched her, Talia felt like she was both bungee jumping and curled up on the couch with hot tea and a blanket, reading her favorite book. He was equal parts comfort and exhilaration. On occasion, she had felt the desire to sleep with Cliff, but it was never the almost animalistic way her body tensed up in Walker’s presence, begging to be touched by him and only him. Everything with Walker went past duty and obligation and edged into indescribable need.

“Let’s sit down,” Talia decided, and made her way over to the front door. “It’s cold out. Do you want to come inside?”

“That’d be nice. I’ve been here for a while.”

Clifford followed Talia through the entryway, taking a seat on the couch with an appropriate amount of space between them. He was always respectful and mild-mannered, the type to put most women at ease with his presence. If a woman came across him in an alleyway, she would probably be more likely to hit on him than to cut and run out of fear. Walker’s concern earlier was almost laughable, but Talia didn’t mind it. She would never mind being forced to stand so intoxicatingly close to Walker.

The two men were so vastly different from one another, it was hard for Talia to justify how she had been attracted to both. Cliff’s humor was more dry and calculated. When he overtly laughed at something she said, it always made the moment memorable because his laughter came in moments that were few and far between—not because he didn’t find things funny, but, rather, because he never lost control enough to laugh so hard that he peed. Nothing like Roscoe and Amala’s relationship, which was filled with the hilarity of everyday life.

“I’m a little confused,” Talia finally spoke up after they had sat silently for long enough. “I don’t really understand how you could change your mind.” She was eager to put it all to rest. There was no way the deal-breaker that had toppled their relationship was no longer a problem. “I still can’t have children, Cee. I’ll never be able to.” Her old nickname for her ex slipped out of her mouth, and she scooted further away from him to set down a solid boundary.

“I still want kids, but we can cross that bridge when we get there.” Clifford folded his hands in his lap, a mannerism that reminded Talia of client meetings back in New York. Business as usual. “I miss us.”

“That’s not the same thing as missing me.” Talia was pretty certain she didn’t even want to get to that bridge, let alone cross it. “Did you take off work to come here?”

“Yeah.” Clifford sighed, running a hand through his hair. It was extremely unusual for him to take vacation leave, and he knew it. “I’ve been doing a lot of things recently that are out of my comfort zone.”

It was the first time since his arrival that Talia realized the changes in his appearance. Clifford’s hair was disheveled, a far cry from the every-single-hair-in-place look he normally went for. His eyes were lined with dark circles, making his face a portrait of exhaustion: still handsome, but tired. The usual curfew he set for himself, assuming it hadn’t changed, was 10:00 p.m. Unless he was working through the night on a case, he typically looked fresh-faced and ready to take on the world. Talia wondered what kind of hell Cliff had been through recently that led him to her door.

“Are you okay? You look… off.” Talia touched his shoulder, more of a caretaker’s touch than a flirtatious one.

“Sorry, I probably look awful. I haven’t gotten much sleep lately.” Cliff looked down at the floor with an expression she had never seen on him before. Was that anxiety? “Maybe this isn’t the best time to have this conversation. I was on a plane for six hours, and I feel like I’m not making any sense right now.”

Something was clearly wrong with him. Talia was hard-pressed to believe that his newfound demeanor and disorganized composure had anything to do with her. She had never elicited such weird behavior from him before. If anything, when they were together, she made him even more docile, just as he made her calm, cool, and collected. Since moving, she found herself to be more loose-lipped and free. Before, she had been a bird contented in its cage, comforted by the notion that she never had to stretch out her wings.

Level-headed Clifford had taken a hiatus. The new person sitting on her couch was a ball of nervous energy that made an unease crawl up Talia’s spine. No real conversations could happen while he was in that state. She had no idea how to settle anything with this version of him. They normally settled disputes with a level of precision most people only dreamt of. Even their breakup had been smooth sailing: heartbreaking, but still smooth.

“There’s a mini golfing course on this end of town. We could go tomorrow if you’re up for it?” she suggested. Golf courses were Cliff’s happy place. While Talia hadn’t paid much attention to where the nearest golf course was, she had seen the old-fashioned sign reading “Par for the Course” several times since moving to the area. Sticking Cliff in an easy environment for him seemed like the best way to pull him out of his strange behavior.

“You are terrible at golf,” Cliff chuckled, his hands reaching up to massage his temples.

“You are good at it,” Talia shrugged, indifferent. Normally she minded losing, but she’d put off her competitive streak to get to the bottom of Clifford’s visit. “You can give me some pointers while you explain why you’re really here.”

“I told you why I’m here. I changed my mind,” he said with a confidence that was almost convincing. But Talia knew him well enough to know it was fake. It was the same look he gave his overbearing father every time he was asked how things were going at the firm. Overconfidence ran in Clifford’s family, and he was expected to live up to his parents’ perfect standards. It was also the same look he gave her when she found out she couldn’t have children, claiming everything was fine when it wasn’t.

“Sure.” Talia wasn’t buying it, but she decided to let it slide until the following day. “Where are you staying?”

Clifford’s eyes widened slightly, and he shook his head. “I haven’t figured that out yet. Where’s the nearest hotel?”

“You didn’t plan for somewhere to stay?” Talia was even more shocked.

“I know, I know. It was irresponsible of me. I panicked and just hopped the first flight here. I’ll figure it out.”

“Just stay in my guest bedroom. I just changed the sheets a few days ago, and Piper and Pearl aren’t spending the night till next weekend.”

“Piper and Pearl?” Clifford cocked his head to the side in curiosity.

It dawned on Talia that Cliff knew nothing of her life anymore. He used to know her schedule like the back of his hand. He knew all of her friends. He knew her mother. It was strange to think that someone who used to be such an integral part of her life didn’t know who her family was anymore. He’d never met Amala, didn’t know Talia spent every possible moment she could with five mostly adolescent kids and their uncle who she’d hopelessly fallen for.

“Uh, Walker, the guy that dropped me off, Piper and Pearl are his nieces. He has three nephews, too. Anyway, the girls spend a lot of time here,” Talia offered the SparkNotes version of a long story and got up from her couch.

“You spend a lot of time with his family?” Suspicion laced Cliff’s voice.

“Mm-hmm.” She wanted to correct him. They weren’t just Walker’s family anymore, they were hers, too. But she didn’t feel like explaining anything to an old flame. She didn’t owe him anything but courtesy, and, really, she only felt she owed him courtesy because it was what her mother would have wanted. “Well, I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow. I’m renovating the grocery store I own and I have to meet my business partner after coffee. I’ll spend most of my day at the store, but we’ll do mini golfing after that.”

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