Page 93 of The Ones We Fight For

Walker nodded noncommittally, wondering where the conversation was going. He could recall the details of the last session, but they didn’t make it far past the general assessment that his father’s alcoholism and his shaky childhood did have a major impact on who Walker had become.

“Why do you love Talia?” Dr. Thomlinson asked.

Walker startled in his seat at the abrupt change of subject.

“I’m sorry, what does this have to do with my dad? Didn’t you literally just say we weren’t going to talk about her?”

“Just trust me here, we’re working toward that. Everything is connected, so I decided that we do have to get into your relationship with her a little bit.”

“You decided that just now? Two seconds after deciding not to?” Walker raised his eyebrows.

“Yep. I’m not perfect. I don’t always know where I’m headed with things until an idea comes to me. We don’t all know the right path all the time. I decided—yes, in the last two seconds—that you aren’t going to break if I ask you some hard questions, even if you’re a bit uncomfortable. You said it filled you with anxiety when people were pitying you, so I’m doing the opposite of that. I’m not going to feel sorry for you. I'm taking the bull by the horns because you came here for a reason, and we aren’t going to get to the healing if I can’t ask hard questions and challenge the way you think.” Dr. Thomlinson leaned back in his chair with a confident shrug.

Walker stared at his therapist for a hard moment before feeling the weight of the words sink in. The person with a medical degree who was sitting in front of him, whose job was to help other people figure it all out, was freely admitting to not being perfect. Normal people struggled with decisions, too, and that gave Walker a modicum of solace, releasing the tension in his shoulders. His respect for his therapist suddenly skyrocketed with this newfound, no-bullshit approach.

This might actually help.

“Okay. Let’s do this, then.” Walker leaned forward and set his forearms on his knees. “I love Talia because she’s beautiful, and I’m not talking about on the outside—I mean, she’s that, too, she’s the most physically attractive woman I’ve ever met—but she’s beautiful in the way that she’s selfless. She cares about everyone she meets. The way she treats my family like they’re her own kids even though she didn’t have to is amazing. It’s not fake, either, unlike all the people who look at us with pity or the ones who brought us casseroles out of obligation after Cole and Paisley died. She wants to help because she loves them.

“I love that she trusts me enough to have deep conversations and that I feel comfortable telling her about my issues. It feels wrong to say, but I’ve told her more about myself than I ever told Cole, and he was the only person who really knew me. And she’s not just serious, either, she’s fun. This woman makes grocery shopping fun.” Walker grinned stupidly like the lovesick fool he was before continuing, “One time we spent an hour cleaning bathrooms in my house, and she danced around the whole time to some loud playlist, so much so that she splashed bleach on my shirt. I still have it because it makes me smile to see the stain. And it’s always different—the playlist—one day, she’s in the mood for doom and gloom rock bands, and the next she's listening to Disney’s greatest hits.

“She’s chaotic, but organized,” Walker chuckled, looking up at the ceiling to form his thoughts. “It’s hard to explain, but she’s both. She gets the same drink every time we get coffee, but compulsively chews on the stir sticks. She mostly reads smutty romance novels and would never touch a nonfiction book by choice, but she also passed the bar exam on the first try. And I know she would do anything for her best friend. I mean, she inherited a grocery store from her father and then just gave half her stake to Amala without second-guessing it. Her employees love her. Hell, I think even the guy she hit with her car probably loves her. She’s funny and complicated. She refuses to put up with my shit, and she… she makes me want to be a better person.”

“She sounds wonderful.” Dr. Thomlinson nodded. “And what does she think about you?”

“Me?” Walker repeated blankly. “I don’t know.”

“She must think something. She’s around you enough to have formed an opinion, I would think.”

“Probably. I guess I know she’s attracted to me physically. I don’t really know what she thinks otherwise. She’s said I was a good parent a few times.”

“But she confides in you about her personal stuff?” Dr. Thomlinson picked up his clipboard again.

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“Have you asked her if she feels the same way about you?” The doctor clicked his pen twice before scrawling out a note on the page.

“No. I just figured I needed to get my act together before I try to win her over,” Walker explained it away logically with a wave of his hand.

“You may never be perfect enough for her,” Dr. Thomlinson concluded. It was a sucker punch to the gut far worse than Clifford’s actual punch to his face.

“I know that,” Walker bit off.

“But what if you don’t have to be?”

“What?” The anger faded, and Walker stared at his therapist in incomprehension.

“You seem to think you aren’t worthy of love, Mr. Hartrick. Your father didn’t show you that compassion when you were in his household, so you’ve placed that mindset on others. All you’ve given out is love: to your family, to Talia. Do you think that they deserve all that love?” Thomlinson cocked his head to the side.

“I see what you’re doing. You’re saying because I don’t think my family has to earn my love that I don’t have to earn theirs? But it’s not the same thing. I’ve been screwing up since the second I became their guardian and since meeting Talia,” Walker maintained.

“But have your nieces and nephews not been screwing up, too? You’ve had multiple incidents where they have failed to do what they’re supposed to.”

“They’re kids!” Walker blurted, protective hands clenched over the arms of his chair. “I’m their guardian. That’s all on me.”

“What about Talia? Surely she’s taken some missteps. She ruined one of your shirts.”

“I was in the way!”

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