Page 87 of The Ones We Fight For

“Shit!” Walker jerked his head to the unlocked bedroom door, which was now ajar with a very surprised Carter standing in the doorway, his jaw hanging open. Talia flung herself off Walker at lightning speed, her hand slapping over her face in embarrassment as she curled into a fetal position on his bed. “Don’t come in here!” Walker held his hand up in the stop position, eyes darting over the floor in the room.

“I can see why you want me to stay out.” Carter’s tone quickly transformed from shock to teasing, the hint of a smirk playing on his lips.

“I mean because there’s glass all over the floor,” Walker explained as he reached behind himself to grab a pillow, setting it carefully over his lap, which was still bearing the evidence of what he had just been doing. At least he hadn’t finished.

“Sure it’s not because you want to continue doing whatever you were just doing?” Carter raised his eyebrows.

“Oh my God,” Talia groaned, and not in the way she’d just been doing moments ago on top of him. Her voice was muffled by the pillow she had her face buried into. It was so adorable that Walker had to laugh.

“I only came in here ‘cause I heard something break and nobody went up to check on it,” Carter said.

“Cool, well, you came and checked it out. We’re fine.” Walker looked down to Talia to make sure she really was fine. She was still doing her best to hide her bright red face in the pillow.

“Clearly.” Carter's smug expression was enough to make Walker catapult the pillow at his nephew’s head, revealing his boner be-damned.

“Get out!” Walker yelled.

“Okay, okay!” Carter slammed the door shut behind him, rattling the walls. Walker fell back on the bed beside Talia, turning on his side to face her.

She stayed silent for a while before she finally emerged, angling her head out from the pillow to peek at him.

“So, that happened.” Walker grimaced before seeing her mortified expression made him break into laughter.

“Stop it!” Talia shoved his shoulder. “It’s not funny!”

“It’s a little funny,” he laughed. “I feel like a teenager who just got caught—”

“Dry-humping?” she offered up. “What are we, sixteen?”

“Give or take ten years. Did you finish?” Walker asked hopefully.

“No, and I think I might die from not,” Talia sighed dramatically and flopped onto her back.

“I would take care of that for you, but it seems a bit inappropriate to just pick up where we left off.”

“Ha. Ha.” She reached out a hand and shoved him. When her hand connected, Walker realized he was purposefully trying to antagonize her just so she would touch him again.

“Tal, I…” He swallowed, unsure of where to pick up the conversation. Her face grew serious, and her eyes locked with his as she turned on her side.

“Walker, be honest. Were you only kissing me because you were sad and wanted to feel good?” Hurt plagued her eyes. “Was this just a one-off to you?”

Walker reached out to cup her face, wanting to erase the pain from her beautiful features. “No. I mean, I’m sure that was part of it, but I meant it. I have wanted you for months, Talia. You know how I feel about you.”

“I guess I know that you’re sexually attracted to me, but even after you said that, all you’ve done is push me away.”

The crack in her voice shot him straight through the heart.

“Talia, you know me better than anyone. Even more than Cole did at this point. You could never be a one-off. But I’m messed up.” Walker looked straight into her eyes, unveiling all the pain behind his so she could see just how in love with her he really was. “I’m struggling. I really, really like you, but I don’t even know how to be normal. I have low energy. Sometimes I can’t even function, and the only way to get through it is to be numb. The worst is when I can’t even breathe, like today. I don’t know how to fix it, and I don’t want to pull you down into my guilt and depression with me. It feels like something I can’t get over. I just…”

“You just need a friend right now,” Talia finished.

“I do not even kind of want to be just your friend.” Walker laughed and brushed her arm playfully. “But I do need to get some help, of the non-relationship variety. So, yes. At the moment, I need a friend. You specifically.”

Until he could figure out to have all of her, if that was even possible, Walker knew things couldn’t go further with Talia. Maybe the guilt of being with her was just something he would eventually have to accept, because going on like this, like a half a person, was just as bad as not being with her.

Talia gave him a shy smile, then her expression grew serious. “Have the panic attacks been coming on a lot more recently?”

“Yes,” Walker admitted. “There’s something wrong with me, Tal. It’s like I can’t get ahead. I’m always drowning. I dream about drowning constantly if I don't dream about you. It's like I’m trapped and I can’t get out, and no matter what I do, it’s never enough. I’m not good enough.” He didn’t realize he was crying again until Talia’s hand slipped up to wipe a tear from his face. “I’m sorry. This is not how I envisioned this going. I’m really embarrassed. I’ll get help, okay? I’ll just accept the fact I’m weak and get help.”

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