Page 63 of The Ones We Fight For

By the time midnight hit, Talia was spiraling into an ice-cream-and-popcorn-induced coma with a frenzy of self-destructive thoughts when a knock at her door pulled her back to the present. She wiped her hands on the paper towel she had draped over her lap and brushed her fingers through her hair and over her chest, popcorn particles dropping to the floor. After quickly disposing of the pint of ice cream she’d been spooning into her mouth straight from the container, she took a steadying breath and marched over to her door. She must have resembled a flustered teenager who had just gotten caught watching porn when she swung the door open. Her face fell in disappointment and embarrassment as she wiped at her mouth to clean herself up a bit. Walker wouldn’t have minded her disheveled appearance at all, but that wasn’t who was at her door.

Clifford stood in front of her, looking handsome in his usual gray slacks and collared shirt. His electric blue eyes were what really sucked her in when they first met. They were somehow both soft and striking. Anyone would find him attractive, and yet, when she waited for the sex appeal to dawn on her, nothing came. There was no incessant need taking over her body, just a mild appreciation for his gym-sculpted body and the thought that whoever he ended up with was going to be a lucky lady. Talia preferred dark brown eyes. Ones that tried to veil their pain and suffering but would always break in her presence. Eyes that stripped her bare when they looked at her but made her feel safe even as she stood metaphorically naked.

“Uh… hi?” Talia managed to get out, forcing an uncomfortable smile onto her face.

“I know you said we’d talk tomorrow, but I need to do this now,” Clifford said hurriedly, brushing past her into her living room.

Sure. Come on in.

Talia followed him back over to her couch and before she even sat down, Clifford launched into a monologue, running a hand through his hair and tapping his foot against the floor.

“I know it’s late. I’m sorry, but do you want to get back together, or not? I need to know so I can figure out what to do with my life. I don’t have a lot of time to decide. Exactly none, really. I’m going to get chewed out by every single person I know when I get back home.”

“I…” Talia bit her lip, thinking for a moment. Not about what her decision was, but how best to explain to Clifford why she couldn’t. “I can’t,” she finally decided on, stating it outright. “Nothing has changed for me, medically speaking, and I think you and I both know we’re over.”

“You’re in love with Walker?” Clifford asked with a tilt of his head. He looked more curious than affronted.

“Yes, but that doesn’t matter so much as I care enough about you to let you find what you deserve.” Talia reached out to set her hand on Clifford’s shoulder, and he slowly bobbed his head.

“I already found it.” Clifford sighed as if breathing was an arduous task and closed his eyes.

“Cliff, I really don’t think you have. I’m not what you want. I’m not—”

“It’s not you, Tal,” he cut her off and scrunched his eyes shut harder, shaking his head.

Stunned into silence, Talia blinked at him for a bit. If there was another dimension entirely devoted to men not wanting her, she had obviously stumbled into it. Between Walker and Clifford, she was starting to think there was something wrong with her. Despite the stab of pain at his statement, she could also tell that Clifford was clearly going through something that had reduced him to an anxious mess.

“You’re running away, aren’t you?” Talia asked. “That’s why you’re here, hoping we can fix things?”

“I guess so? I don’t know whatI’m doing anymore. I’m freaking out.”

“Who’s the girl?”

Cliff let out another shaky breath. “Mary. She’s my parent’s housekeeper.” A second later, his eyes went wide, and he started to ramble and wave his hands about. “That sounds really bad. That really shouldn’t have been the first thing I said about her. She’s amazing. She actually owns this whole cleaning business, and she’s—”

“So you were just using me as a scapegoat?” Talia interrupted, frowning at Clifford as he covered his face with his hands.

“Fuck,” Clifford swore, yet another on the long list of things he never did. “I did love you, Tal. I really did.” He said it sincerely, taking both of her hands in his and giving them a squeeze. “You were my best friend. Everything is so chaotic right now, and I just thought if I could get back to normal then everything would be okay. We were good together, you and I.”

“I did love you, too, and yes, we were good together, but being good on paper doesn’t translate to forever. Whatever you have with Mary sounds risky, but if I went back with you now, you would always wonder what your life could have been like with her, and that’s no way to live.”

Talia felt oddly confident about the pep talk despite her own love life casually laying on the floor in shambles. There was some strength within her that understood exactly where Cliff was coming from. It would be easier for her to go back, easier to fall right into her usual patterns with him instead of facing the music. Facing the fact that she was never going to love anyone the way that she loved Walker.

“My parents, they’re going to disown me. They were both so heartbroken when you and I ended, and now…” Clifford trailed off with a miserable sound escaping his throat. “Giving up my entire life for love is so reckless. It wasn’t part of the plan, Tal. My dad got me the job at the firm. You know him. He’ll destroy me and burn Mary’s business to the ground. But I just… I really love her.”

“Is she worth it?”

“She’s worth everything, but I don’t want her to have to go through that.” Clifford resembled a pouting puppy dog begging for food: mildly pathetic, but still adorable.

“So, you thought you’d just take yourself out of the equation and pawn yourself off… on me?” Surprisingly, she wasn’t even mad, just entertained. If she couldn’t have her own happy ending, then hearing about Clifford’s was oddly satisfying. Love was real, and some people could have it. Just not her.

“Yes.” It was barely a whisper. “I wouldn’t consider it pawning so much as—I just thought it was a logical decision?”

“Is that a question?” Talia chuckled.

Clifford groaned, burying his face in his hands. “I don’t fucking know!”

Talia slapped her knees with both hands, and Clifford flinched, looking back up at her. “Cee, who the hell cares what your parents do? If she loves you and you love her, nothing else matters.” The tension in his face ebbed away a little as she continued. “You can get through all of the bullshit if you really want to. Sometimes, love is worth whatever pain it comes with. You and I even had a purpose, and I’ll try not to be offended that you didn’t really come here for me at all. You need to decide on your own if you want to pursue Mary, not because I said so.”

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