Page 30 of Endless Love

“You’re a madman.”

“But I am your madman, and the last time I checked, you were smitten with me.”

“Nothing has changed.”

“Good.”

I tilt my face to him and ask, “Hmm, what would you be without me?”

“No one and nothing.”

His stare fixates on me, the intensity rippling through me. His rawness and seriousness bore into me and in a deranged way, surely, I enjoy it a little too much.

We climb into his convertible, and I am reminded of his love for cars, which became a car collection in my absence. I hate when my thoughts go to a place and time where I wasn’t with him. When he kept himself occupied with collecting cars and notches on his bed.

“How many cars do you have?”

“By now, it must be around ten.”

“You don’t even know how many? Isn’t that a little vain, Damien?”

My voice sounds rougher than intended, but I can’t help it.

“What’s the actual problem?”

“Why the need for a collection?” I insist, his entire upper body stiffening, sensing my mood shift.

“Because I have always liked cars, that’s why.”

“Like people, everything is interchangeable for you, isn’t it?” He rakes a hand through his hair and pierces me with a heavy look.

“You know it’s not true, you’re the fucking proof of it.”

His hands grip the wheel, his knuckles turning white. His frustration is palpable in the car, but I am also in a bad mood myself. When will I get past it? It’s unhealthy to keep tormenting myself over things I have no power to change.

He drives us to my favorite Chinese restaurant, and a pang of guilt hits me as he rushes to my side of the car. I grab his extended hand in mine and climb out, the power of his touch melting some resistance. It electrifies me, and when I glance up, vulnerability shines in his eyes. Why, I have no idea, but it’s like a punch to my heart.

“Damien?” I ask, biting down on my lower lip, and his features soften when he answers, his eyes closed.

“I’m afraid I will lose you. That one day, you’ll decide I’m not worth the pain you constantly put yourself in over my past and leave me. I could give you my soul in a heartbeat, and still, you go back there . . .”

He is the man I will love until my last breath. I raise up on my toes, cup his face in my hands, and kiss him, like I would die if my lips don’t meet his, desperate and needy. He crosses his strong arms around me, and everything is right again. This is my place, the one I choose, and the one I call home.

“How could I walk away from my home? You’re everything I love and more.”

“But is it enough, baby? Will there be a day when it won’t matter how I lived without you?” Our eyes lock in a battle of raw and undiluted emotions.

“Damien . . .”

He sighs and lowers his forehead to mine. Crazy how everything in me knows he loves me, and still insecurities seep through.

“Come now, let’s eat. Enough of this for now.”

Red generously covers the walls with black patterns of letters and images speaking of secrecy, inviting one to discover their meanings. Pieces of oriental art decorate the place, golden statues watching over the guests. The dim light reflected from the small, colored lamps invites privacy. We reach the small table, and the waitress appears, her black hair pulled together in a ponytail, wearing a black and red uniform. When she retreats with our order, I grip Damien’s hand in mine and trail light kisses on the back.

His lips curve into the most beautiful smile possible. How can he be afraid that one day I will leave him when he holds my heart in his hands? He’s everything. I am still contemplating him and daydreaming about what a spectacular view I have when the waitress places our drinks in front of us.

“You’re gorgeous, Damien.”

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