It would be sad.
I would hang my head.
And everyone would feel so guilty.
It’s my fault for even letting this get to me. A while back, Belinda hosed me down in the asylum and made me walk back to my room, wet and naked. It was my twenty-second birthday. She said it was a present. I was quite loud and obnoxious back then, so I claimed that when I got out of there, my friends would throw me a party.
Belinda spit in my face and said, “What friends?”
I vowed that if I ever had friends, we’d make a big deal out of birthdays. We’d eat sweets and dance and sing together, despite Belinda.
May her soul rest agonizingly in hell.
“I’m okay, thanks for asking,” I reply with a clipped tone.
I’m still not quite sure about Marilynn. After getting to know her, I started developing sensations all over my body, like tiny insects crawling across my skin when she’s around. My stomach dips as if the floor has fallen out from under my feet. I find myself watching her like she might disappear, run away, or die in front of me.
But Kaspias planted that doubt, and it’s messing with my head.
Stupid twin brother of Kane. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I bet all members of that family are annoying and mean. I bet they eat bland toast without butter, hate puppies, and deface children’s toys for fun.
Guilt brushes past me.
His family is dead.
What’s wrong with me?
Oh yeah, I’m grumpy as shit. It’s my birthday, no one knows, and I’m spending it wallowing in a fucking sadistic prison.
“Your jaw is tight, and your nostrils are flaring,” Marilynn adds, stepping under the freezing water of the shitty shower, reeking of mildew and body odor. A shiver climbs up the base of my spine, and we dart our eyes away from each other’s naked bodies.
It’s obviously not easy. From my peripheral view, she’s luscious in every sense of the word. Full, shiny red hair. And she’s soft all over. Soft, tender thighs. Large, voluptuous breasts. A round ass that I want to squeeze so badly I’m driving myself up a wall.
“This place is just getting to me.” But a thought occurs to me. “Are you keeping track of my body language?”
She pauses, rubbing soap through her hair. “Maybe.”
That might be the only source of my smile this entire day.
After we’re dressed, cold, and dried off, we head to the grimy commissary. With my head down like a dog that has just been kicked, I trudge through the assembly line, accepting my tray absently.
Is it bad that I’m a little pissed at the people closest to me for not noticing I’m upset? Other than Marilynn, of course. Skylenna and Dessin are so brainy, and for what? They can’t even use their fat heads to pick up on my sour mood. How much do they care, really?
I pick at my food. Poke at my food. Stab at my food like it has committed a crime.
“Niles, you’re bringing the energy down with your shitty mood. Cheer up.” Dessin. Fucking Dessin says it.
Oh, so they do notice that I’m upset. They just don’t care. Got it. Great. Good!
Skylenna tries to stifle her laugh with the back of her hand, nudging him with her elbow. And I scowl in her direction shamelessly. I wouldn’t be surprised if smoke was puffing from my widening nostrils.
Really, Skylenna? You’re supposed to be my fucking sister!
Someone approaches behind me, their wide shadow draping over my food. I can’t find it in me to care, turn around, or look up.
“He’s right, Niles,” Skylenna says with a little too much volume to her voice.
My gaze snaps up to hers in a fierce grimace. I’m about to lash out, curse, and tell her that I’m very disappointed in her so-called special skills with the void. She should have been able to see it.