Page 38 of Coming Undone

He was based in Massachusetts, but that wasn’t all that far away. Besides, he might be making more frequent trips into the city after the success of his gig in Manhattan earlier that week. His band had a single that was starting to get some independent radio play. Mostly, she just enjoyed being with him. He never made her feel like she didn’t live up to his approval.

“What would we do if we had another day?” she asked him, tormenting herself with one last look at what might have been. Her taxi would be here any moment and he’d insisted on staying to help her load her bags to take into work, where a company car would then drive her and Christina to the airfield.

“Hmm.” He seemed to take the question seriously, peering at the ceiling as if there were answers up above. “We’ve already entertained ourselves thoroughly in this apartment. I would say that, if we had another day, we’d have to venture out into the world and see if we had as much fun together away from home.”

“Away from a bed, you mean?” she teased, recalling how many places and ways they’d made love –er – had sex in the last few days.

But the attraction was fierce and it didn’t take much to ignite.

For a moment, she wondered if he was going to say something serious because his expression turned intense. Darkly brooding. Sexy in its own way and yet… she swallowed hard. She couldn’t afford to care about him any more than she already did. Not when she was going away for at least three months- six if the feature articles she and Christina did were popular with readers.

Then, he smiled and she could tell he was making an effort to keep things light.

“Exactly. Today, we’d see if we could make it to the corner market without needing to run back here and get naked.” He kissed her cheek, the whiskers from the soul patch in his chin teasing her skin. “Then, we’d see if we could get as far as the theater a mile down the road.”

“We’d never make it,” she said, the words more plaintive sounding than she’d intended. She cleared her throat and tried again. “I mean, one look at the chocolate syrup in the corner market and I would be so overwhelmed with memories, I’d have to sprint all the way home.”

A cab honked downstairs, the sound drifting up to her second-floor apartment.

“That’s my ride.” She couldn’t bring herself to say goodbye. Couldn’t bring herself to say half the things she was feeling.

Part of her didn’t want to go, but that was natural, right? Even tough guy military men must feel some trepidation at heading into a war zone. No wonder she was keyed up.

“Steph.” Danny’s voice cut through her frantic thoughts, calm and grounding. “I will be thinking about you and I’m going to pray you’re safe.”

The sentiment, so serious after all the ways they’d laughed and played this week, threatened to topple her shaky control. She gave a fast nod, unable to speak without showing her emotions.

“Be careful, okay?” He kissed her hard and fast.

It was all she could do not to cling to him. If only they’d met after she came home instead of now when they were both on the brink of major changes in their lives. Him and his music. Her and her photography.

“I will.” She eased back enough to look up into those forest green eyes. “Maybe next time we see each other, I’ll be screaming my head off in the front row at one of your shows.”

He was so talented. She had no doubt that he’d make it big in the music business while she was gone. She’d be lucky if he even remembered her.

“I’m going to keep my eye out for you. Trust me.” He grinned and reached for her bags as the cab honked again.

Then, the moment of connection was gone. He kissed her once more before her taxi took off, but by that time, she’d shut down the urge to throw herself at him and beg him to wait for her.

Chicken then, chicken now?

She didn’t want to think so. But even if she dared to take that risk and tell him she was falling for him, what were their options for testing a relationship when he remained at sea most of the year?

Hauling herself out of bed while she mulled it over, she could already smell coffee brewing in the kitchen. She’d showered an hour ago when Danny had first awoken her with, he’d said, a burning desire to wash her hair. Turned out his burning desire had been about a whole lot more than that and her body still glowed with all the ways he’d satisfied her.

Now, as she dressed, her cell phone chimed with a message.

Mom.

She checked the text, hoping there was no new ugliness to report regarding the emails from readers. But her note only said – I thought u would call me?

Tugging on a simple knit dress from her suitcase, Stephanie dialed her mother’s phone as she remembered all the reasons she liked to have boundaries in her relationships. Was it any wonder she hadn’t gotten closer to Danny way back when? Then, she’d been desperate to make her mark on the world as an adult outside her parents’ sphere of influence. Now, she was desperate to free herself from her mother’s unspoken blame for making her ill, for not conforming to her expectations, and being an all-around disappointment.

“Stephanie, thank God you’re all right.” Her mom answered with typical drama.

“Good morning, Mom. I only just woke up or I would have phoned sooner.” She slid into the warm and soothing tones of a late-night radio host, detached but comforting. “You’ll be happy to know I spoke to Danny about the threats and sent him a copy of the digital file. We’re going to work on increased security today.”

It was mostly true. She had shared the incident with Danny even though she hadn’t wanted to make a big deal out of the notes. And she had promised to axe Josh’s p.r. firm today. She’d only kept them on to deal with the reader mail, but now that she’d started over and recovered in so many ways, she was ready to supervise the task herself. Maybe reading her own mail and reporting the weirdoes herself would give her a greater sense of control and closure.

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