Page 76 of Just Don't Call Me Yours

“Damn it, Margot,” I say, leaning toward her with my elbows on my knees. “Would you just say what’s on your mind for once?”

Her mouth snaps shut, and that wide-eyed stare turns into an all too familiar glare. “Why? It wouldn’t change anything.”

“It could.” I don’t know where I’m going with this. All I know is that I want her—as little or as much of her as she’ll give me. We’re only touring for a few months. She could come to some of the shows. Even if I don’t see her while we’re on tour, our best friends are dating, and it doesn’t look like they’ll break up any time soon. This isn’t a goodbye, so why is she putting up walls?

“This”—she gestures between us—“would never work.”

“Why?” I demand.

“Jackson,” she says, and even when she’s pissed, I like the way she says my name. “You don’t even want to be with me.”

“I didn’t want to be with anyone.”

She stares at me expectantly. “And now you do?”

“No.” I don’t want a relationship. I want her. “Why are you making this about me? You’re the one who insisted us hooking up couldn’t change anything.”

Her cheeks flare. “I know, and I stand by what I said.” She gets up to gather her things, but that doesn’t stop her from shooting daggers at me. “This was a mistake. We have nothing to talk about.”

I lean back in my seat. “That’s how you feel?” It’s not how she feels—it can’t be.

She throws her bag over her shoulder. “Yeah, that’s how I feel.”

I stare at her, long and hard, trying to see through any cracks, but she’s solid. The girl I could once read so well has figured out how to hide from me. It’s a mask, and she wears it well, but I know she’ll slip up eventually.

“Fine.” I copy her cool tone as I rest my arm on the back of the couch. “Have it your way.”

“I will,” she snaps. “Good luck with everything,” she adds before marching out of the common room.

I’m pissed, and I call bullshit on just about everything she said, but as she walks away, I run a hand through my hair, tugging at the roots. I’ll figure out how she feels because whatever front she just put on for me isn’t it. If anyone needs luck, it’s her.

49

margot

“You’re still coming tonight, right?” Rae asks as she straightens her hair in our room.

“To what?” I don’t bother looking up from my computer. I know what she’s referring to, but if I can act like I forgot about it, maybe she won’t care that I stay home.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see her stop, pulling the flat iron away from her head. “Jackson’s going away party.” She says it like I should have marked it on my calendar, but as far as she’s concerned Jackson and I are nothing more than neighbors.

“Good riddance,” I say with a two-finger salute, still not looking at her. Somehow, I’ve managed to avoid Jackson for the last few days. I didn’t use the gym on campus all semester, but I have used it every day since our conversation in the common room. I wish I could say breaking a sweat helped to clear my head, but it didn’t. Instead of studying in the dorm, I’ve been studying in the library—a place where I definitely won’t find him. We had to submit our final paper for English online, so I dodged a bullet there. Other than that, I think he may be avoiding me just as much because I haven’t seen a trace of him.

And that somehow feels infuriating and like a relief at the same time. It will be easier once he’s gone. At least then I won’t be tempted to march over and make more mistakes with him. Even if I haven’t seen him, knowing he might be on the other side of that door makes me restless. It’s like my body knows he’s in close range, and despite my better judgment, it still craves being touched by him.

He tried to tell me it could be different, but I know better. I’m not naïve enough to believe dating a guy in a band will end well. Most of my knowledge about the music industry may come from movies and TV shows, but it’s enough to know that temptation and rock and roll go hand in hand. Jackson won’t want to be tied down to anything once he’s in a new city every night.

Not that he offered to date me. He doesn’t want to date anyone.

He wants us to keep up our little friends-with-benefits deal while he’s gone, but what’s the benefit in that? It’s like he expects everyone else’s world to stop turning while he’s on tour.

I should have known better than to get involved with a musician.

Rae stares at me. “I don’t understand you two,” she says with a shake of her head. She turns back to the mirror to finish her hair, and I’m grateful for it.

“There’s nothing to understand.”

“Then there’s no reason for you not to come,” she snaps, and when I look up, she’s glaring at me through the reflection of the mirror.

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