Page 73 of Just Don't Call Me Yours

But tonight feels like a glimpse into what it could be like if we were.

And if I’m being honest?

It makes me feel fucking unstoppable.

47

margot

As I leave my dorm to meet up with Matt and Rae in the common room, my eyes dart to Jackson’s door, my chest deflating when I see it’s shut. I was hoping he’d be back by now. It’s finals week. He should be studying. Well, I guess Jackson doesn’t study, but he should at least be here, sitting on his bed and playing guitar.

My temporary disappointment is replaced with another flutter of hope as I walk toward the common room. Maybe he’s with Rae and Matt. Instead of going into his dorm, maybe he saw them in the common room on his way back and stopped to sit with them.

I head to our shared space, but it’s only Matt and Rae sitting on one of the couches. Everyone else must either be at the library or studying in their rooms.

I let out a disappointed sigh as I flop onto the couch next to them. Reaching for my laptop, I open it and pull up the study guide for my Government exam tomorrow.

The elevator door chimes, and I look up. That same annoying feeling of hope might as well be a hummingbird in my chest.

I think it’s safe to say I have feelings for Jackson.

Real feelings.

Because I’m acting like my every waking moment revolves around hopefully running into him. It’s borderline pathetic.

Ever since pounding on his door that first night, he’s been slowly invading more of my thoughts, and now I struggle to think about anything else. It was supposed to be casual. It wasn’t supposed to mean anything to either of us, but somehow everything with Jackson means something to me now.

This time, it’s Keith who graces us with his presence. Luckily, he’s kept his distance since I talked to him about our friendship needing a break. The most I get from him now are curt nods of acknowledgment. I don’t even think I’ve seen him smile in weeks.

“Glad to see that’s not still awkward,” Rae says as she looks up from her notes.

I’m still staring at Keith’s back, chewing on the end of my pen. “Yeah,” I answer flatly.

Matt laughs with a shake of his head. “I still can’t believe Jackson kissed you in front of him.”

This brings my attention back, and I desperately try to keep my cheeks from flushing. Most mentions of Jackson make my cheeks flush these days. When I was convinced there were no feelings involved, I didn’t want Rae and Matt to know. I wanted it to be a secret between Jackson and me. No expectations. No judgment.

But now?

Now I feel like a girl who has a crush on a boy, and all I want to do is gush about it to my best friend.

“Where is he, anyway?” I ask, determined to sound more casual than I feel.

“Where do you think?” Matt asks sarcastically as he reaches for a different folder on the couch next to him. With finals right around the corner, it’s like all we’ve been doing is studying. “All he does is spend time with the band. I live with the guy, and I probably won’t even see him before his going away party.”

“His what?” I ask.

Matt looks at me like I should know what he’s talking about, but I have no idea where he’s going with this.

“Oh!” Rae exclaims, setting her book down. “I keep forgetting to tell you! You’ll be happy to know that Jackson is dropping out to focus on the band full-time.”

“Really?” My heart skips a beat, and not wanting Rae to notice, I look down at my notes and swallow. What does she mean, dropping out? There’s no way. He can’t be leaving. She must have misunderstood, and I didn’t catch feelings for a guy who’s about to leave and didn’t even bother to tell me.

There’s a consistent hum taking over my ears. I rub my eyes and attempt to smile at Rae. “Really? He—he’s leaving?”

“Yup,” Matt says with a nod before looking up from his notes. “We’re having a going away party for him on Friday. Finals will be over, and then he moves out this weekend.” He seems a little unsure as to how he should respond to my wide-eyed stare, so he just gives me an apologetic look. “I told Rae to tell you about it.”

Rae shoots him a glare before turning back to me. “We can go together.” Her expression shifts to concern as she looks at me. “It will be fun,” she says with a reassuring nod. She’s probably worried I’m mad at her for not telling me, but that’s not where my mind is at all.

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