Page 9 of Before This Ends (Before)

“Why do you love me?”

I can clearly imagine the wheels in his head spinning as I wait… and wait, and wait, hoping he will give me something, something to make me believe I didn’t just spend almost three years of my life with someone who was only with me because I made it easy. Because I stepped into the role of wife and maybe even mother, doing the shopping, the laundry, and the cleaning without asking for more. Without demanding more.

“I just do.”

“Right.” I drop my eyes from his and let out a disappointed breath.

“Hey.” His fingers touch mine still wrapped around my glass, and I lift my eyes to his. “I love you.”

He does in his way, but it’s not enough for me, and as hard as that is to accept, I need to.

“I know.” My smile is sad, but there is no hiding just how disappointed I feel. When I moved in with him, I assumed that was a steppingstone to our future, that it would lead to us getting married, buying a cute little house, and someday filling that house with babies.

Now?

Now, I realize just how stupid I was by planning for the future with a man who couldn’t even be honest with me about what he really wanted or what he was feeling.

“We can make this work, Emma,” he whispers.

“We can’t,” I whisper back. “We don’t want the same things, and I don’t want to sign up for a lifetime of regrets, disappointments, and inevitable heartache.” I pick up my coat and begin putting it on while I continue, “I know you gave me the apartment, but if you want it back, just let me know, and I’ll find somewhere else to stay.”

“Emma.”

I shake my head. “It’s not a big deal. I can stay with Miranda or someone else until I find a new place.”

“You’re just giving up on us?”

I meet his gaze. “Is there even something to give up on?”

“Yeah, us.” His hand tightens around his beer.

“We don’t want the same things, Eli.”

“I told you that I would marry you, Emma.”

The laugh that bubbles out is hollow. “I know, and I’m sure that if I nagged you about it for long enough, I might even be able to convince you to eventually give me a baby, but I don’t want to have to do that.” I lower my voice. “I refuse to be the reason you look back and have regrets about deciding to be with me.” I slide out of the booth, taking my bag with me, and look down at him. “Let me know what you want to do about the apartment.”

With his jaw clenched, he nods, and I pull my eyes off him and head for the door.

As soon as I step out of the bar, I feel relieved, like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Sure, my heart still hurts, but the pain is different now. It feels more bearable than it did just this afternoon. Maybe it’s having closure after so many weeks of living with my life up in the air. Or maybe I’m just in denial.

With a deep breath, I walk toward the crosswalk at the end of the block but glance over my shoulder when my name is called. I stop to watch Miles jog toward me.

“Hey.” I force a smile when he’s a foot away. “Sorry about not saying hi earlier. I just?—”

“That’s okay,” he cuts me off. “Are you good?”

“Oh, yeah.” My smile is genuine this time. “How’s Winter?”

“She’s good.” His face instantly goes soft at the mention of his daughter’s name, and my heart squeezes. I love his relationship with his little girl, and from what I’ve seen and heard, he’s a great dad.

“Good.” I nod, and he tips his head to the side as he studies me.

“Are you headed home?”

“Yeah, it’s been a long day.” It has been, and I’m exhausted, both mentally and physically.

“Do you have a ride?”

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