Page 79 of Before This Ends (Before)

“You’re awake,” his deep, sleepy voice whispers against my hair, and I nod, wishing I could disappear. “No dream last night?”

“No dream.” My voice sounds scratchy to my own ears. No nightmare, no finding my mom cold and waking in a panic when I’m unable to save her. I didn’t dream at all last night. “I’m sorry.”

“About what?” he asks gently, turning toward me so we are face-to-face.

“Freaking out.” I close my eyes when his fingers trail across my forehead, then behind my ear. “Obviously, I have some trauma I haven’t dealt with.”

“Have you ever talked to someone?”

“Like a therapist?” He nods, and I shake my head. “No, only to Gianna and Miranda.”

“We can find someone,” he offers, and I bite my lip to keep from saying I don’t need therapy. It’s obvious after last night that I do. My throat aches as I swallow. “Hazel made me go talk to someone while she was pregnant with Winter.” His voice is soft. “I wouldn’t ever talk to her about my mom or what happened to her. All she knew—knows, actually—is that she passed away and I went into the system. The only people who knew the whole story were Dayton, Tucker, and Clay… until you. Anyway, she told me that if I wouldn’t talk to her, I needed to talk to someone else.” His fingers smooth down the bridge of my nose.

“She was worried, because I was so overprotective, and for her, that felt stifling.” He lets out a laugh. “She was pregnant with Win. I was scared something would happen if I wasn’t there. My therapist told me there was nothing wrong with the way I was feeling or reacting, that some men just tend to be more protective than others. That, sure, the way my mom died played into that instinct in me, but it was nothing to worry about. As long as I was allowing Hazel to live her life the way she wanted, and I didn’t try to keep her from her friends and family or from doing the things she enjoyed.

“Which I never did. She just wanted the relationship without all my strings. She didn’t like that I called if she wasn’t home when she said she would be. She didn’t want to check in with me just to let me know she was okay. I couldn’t handle that, and it only got worse after Winter was born. I went back to the therapist after that, wondering if something was wrong with me, and that’s when he sat me down and told me maybe I shouldn’t be trying to fix myself to fit into a relationship with Hazel, but instead, maybe I should find someone who is okay with the things I need out of a relationship to make me feel secure.

“It was a while after that I gave up on trying to make Hazel and me work, but I know we were both relieved when things finally came to an end, and we got back to just being friends—something that had always been easy for us.”

His eyes search mine for a moment, then he says quietly, “I guess the point of that long story is sometimes a therapist is just there to reassure you there is nothing wrong with the way you’re feeling. To tell you there isnothingwrong with you.”

“I’ll talk to someone,” I whisper, and his face gentles.

“You can always talk to me too. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”

Tears fill my eyes. “Thank you.”

He leans in and softly presses his lips to mine, then whispers there, “You make me so happy, Em.Sofucking happy. And I know Win feels the same way.”

I don’t reply. I can’t—not with my throat clogged.

“Come here.” He wraps his arms around me and cocoons me against his chest. Safe. Always safe when I’m with him.

I close my eyes, then hear him curse right before a tiny, fluffy body shoves its way between us. I open my eyes and smile as Dolly starts frantically licking both of us, then feel my heart melt when Winter climbs up from the end of the bed and cuddles between us, facing towardme.

“Do I have school today?” she asks softly, resting her hand on my cheek.

“Yeah.”

Her bottom lip pops out. “Can we go to the zoo again when I don’t?”

“Absolutely,” I reply, and she smiles while I fight the urge to cry again as I let my eyes roam over her adorable face, something Miles said last night coming back to me.

“You won’t because you know what it feels like to be left. Because you remember what you felt when you found your mom like that, and you’d never want anyone you love or care about to experience that kind of pain.”

He’s right. Even if I struggled to get through each day, I would fight. I wouldn’t give up. I would never allow Win or anyone else to experience the pain I felt even as an adult.

“Can I have bacon and a bagel for breakfast?” she asks, squishing her forehead against mine.

“I’ll make it for you while you go brush your teeth,” Miles tells her, and she looks at him over her shoulder, then turns to face him, and gives him a hug before she climbs over his body and gets out of bed, calling Dolly to follow her.

“You doing okay?” he asks.

“Yeah.” I drag in a breath as his eyes roam over my face.

“Coffee?” His hand squeezes my hip.

“Please.”

---