Page 78 of Before This Ends (Before)

“I like you too much.” The statement sounds broken as it falls from her lips. “This isn’t safe. Falling in love with you isn’t safe.” Her face pales further.

Fuck, there it is.

“Life is dangerous, Em. Even sitting alone in a room with nothing in it could be the place where you die. Every day, we all take risks we don’t even realize are risks, because we are so busy living our lives and enjoying the moments we have.”

“You don’t understand.”

“I do.” I drop my face closer to hers. “You have no reason to be scared of falling in love with me, Emma, because I’m falling in love with you too.”

“You don’t understand.” Tears fall from her eyes and slide down into her hair at her temples. She squeezes her eyes closed and shakes her head. “You don’t understand.”

“Then explain it to me.”

“I don’t want to end up like her.”

“Like who?” I ask gently, my gaze roaming over her closed eyes and quivering bottom lip.

“I can’t end up like her.”

“Like who, baby?”

“M-My mom.”

Fuck.

My muscles lock. I don’t even take a breath as I stare at her.

“I can’t fall in love with you. I can’t do it.”

“It’s too late,” I whisper, dropping my mouth to her ear. A sob climbs up the back of her throat, and her fingers dig into my skin. “It’s too late,” I repeat firmly, knowing I’m right. Knowing that, just like me, she’s found home, only she didn’t realize it until moments ago. “It’s too late for both of us, Em.”

“You’re not safe. Falling in love with you, with Winter, with this life, it’s not safe.”

“You’ve never been safer than you are now.” I roll, taking her with me. I wrap her in my arms and let out a relieved breath when she doesn’t try to push me away or get up again.

“I don’t want to end up like her.”

My fucking heart aches from the pain in her voice.

“You won’t.”

“I can’t.”

“You won’t because you know what it feels like to be left. Because you remember what you felt when you found your mom like that, and you’d never want anyone you love or care about to experience that kind of pain.”

“I…” Her breath catches on a quiet sob. “I’m so scared.”

“I know.” I kiss the top of her head.

I hold her until the tears dry up, until her body goes limp against mine and her breathing evens out. And I stay right there until I know she’s not going to wake up, at least not right away. Only then do I carefully pull away from her, and I get up to check on Winter one more time, lock up, and turn out the lights. When I get back into bed, I pull her right back into my arms, and she curls her body around mine, clinging to me even in her sleep.

CHAPTER28

emma

Ialways thought there was nothing worse than waking up after a night of drinking too much and not remembering what you did or how you ended up where you are. But when I wake with Miles’s arms wrapped around me and his legs tangled with mine, I know I was wrong.

Waking up and remembering every detail of the previous night is worse. So much worse. Embarrassment crawls across my skin, prickling uncomfortably. The moment I looked into his eyes last night after he kissed me, I knew I messed up, that somehow my feelings for him had gotten out of control. I realized he and Winter tangled themselves so tightly around my insides that I hadn’t juststartedto fall in love. I had fallen, and there was nothing left of who I was before them to grab on to.

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