Page 81 of Mate Me

He hummed in what sounded like agreement. “I don’t mind teaming up with her should we ever find some that survived. What did you mean by that when you said if your memories are to be believed?” He questioned, laying down on the floor next to me, putting his hands behind his head.

I swallowed hard. “After I left . . .” A shudder ran through me. “I wasn’t whole. The things they planned to do to me, the things they did do—it affected me. I had nightmares. Apparently during one of them I lashed out and almost killed my sister. So my dad conspired with Eres to lock away most of my past and in doing so also locked away Eres.” I bit the inside of my cheek. “It’s why we’re so separate from one another.”

“I had figured out you couldn’t shift when I found you on the floor in your room. Apparently I was right,” he said, quickly putting together what I told him.

I nodded. “That was the first time I shifted in seventeen years. I don’t even remember shifting before unless I really think about it. Even then, everything is still murky. Like looking through muddy water to see your reflection. You know something is there, but you only see vague shapes and outlines. The ward breaking unlocked my memories, but it’s not like it all came back to me with clarity. I have the memories now, but I have to actively sift through them if I want to remember, and bad as it is—I don’t.”

Caius frowned. “Why would that be bad?”

I lifted my shoulder. “I gave my dad and sister hell before I left because they never told me. I feel like I don’t have a right to be pissed if I’d rather not know.”

“That’s bullshit,” he said. “You have a right to be pissed because they gave you no choice. Whether or not you want to remember doesn’t matter. You weren’t given the option to choose.”

I sighed. “Yeah, you’re preaching to the choir.”

“What?”

“It’s a saying. It means you’re telling me exactly what I already agree with. Things with me and my family are just complicated right now. I’m still mad, but I also feel bad I left them on a bad note. Now I’m gone for six months and they’re going to wonder ...”

“Nog can take notes back and forth for you,” he reminded me. Since Nog was only in Tartarus for his random shifting fits, he could go back and forth if he wished.

“That’s true. Maybe I should write to them.”

We fell quiet for a few minutes, both lost in our own thoughts. It was a comfortable silence. Not the kind that practically begged to be filled. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy spending time with him and talking to him—once I let myself stop hating him. He was easy to get on with, and he was a surprisingly good listener. It made me feel bad that Abyssian and Pol had yet to find a way to get his soul out of me. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I had no desire to die. But he wasn’t what I originally thought, he might be soulless, but he wasn’t evil.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Hmm?”

“I wanted to ask what your plans are if theydofind a way to get you your soul back? You know, without killing me.”

Caius didn’t tense like I’d expected. “Truth be told, I have no idea. I’d go on just as I am now I suspect—albeit less pained.”

Something akin to guilt touched me. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he said, sitting up. “It’s not your fault. You were just a baby. If anything, they stole your life just like they did mine.”

I’d never thought of it quite like that, but he had a point. “I wouldn’t have survived having my soul cleaved like you did. The pain you went through ...” I shuddered again. “I know it’s not my fault, but I am sorry. I wish I could give it back.”

His lips quirked up in a smile. “Is that affection I sense coming from you? Empathy for the Soulless One?” he said in jest. “Don’t tell me you’re already in love with me?”

I smacked his side playfully, and Caius laughed. “Nope, definitely not. I’m just a nice girl, which I’m sure is so surprising to you since you don’t know what those look like.”

He snickered, continuing to laugh at my expense. Reaching up to the spot where I hit his cheek, he grazed over it. “Still don’t know what nice looks like. I’ll let you know when I see her.”

“I take it back. I’m not sorry for hitting you with the shovel. You deserved it, I just didn’t know what for yet.”

Chapter26

Reagan

“Which one?” I asked Clara while holding up a short-sleeved tunic and three-quarter length loose knit sweater.

“Aren’t you going to a barn?” she asked, cocking her head and glancing at my closet. “Maybe something a little more practical? I’m picturing you shoveling shit, and that’s not the ensemble I’d imagined.”

I rolled my eyes, dropping both options on the mattress and throwing a sock at her head. “We’re going out to be seen in public as “mates,” I said, using my fingers to make air quotes. “And it’s the kennel, not a barn.”

“Oh, fancy.” She blew out an exaggerated breath. “Maybe in Tartarus that’s a date? Kind of weird, but who am I to judge?”

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