Page 79 of Lost & Found

“Sowhat’stheverdict?”Cody asks as I sit back in my chair.

I wipe my greasy hands against my jeans before grabbing my Dr. Pepper and taking a swig.

“It’s not much damage. It’s just annoying more than anything. I got it started though.” I kick my feet up on the desk and lean into the chair a bit more.

“You tired already?” he asks and pokes my shoulder as he passes me to the fridge.

“I didn’t get much sleep last night,” I admit.

The shop isn’t busy today. I mean, it’s the first of the month after all so people are probably hungover or sleeping in right now.

The guys kind of know what went down last night. They only know what they heard or witnessed. Cody wasn’t out with us though; he was with his wife Paige doing cute couple shit. But I’m sure Mason filled him in on some things.

After I dropped off my bike this morning, I went to grab breakfast for Hollis and me. I didn’t want to leave her at all this morning, but I needed to clear my fucking head more than anything and I couldn’t do that with her coconut scent, her blue striped hair, and the sound of her moans creating chaos in my head. I didn’t expect her to run out on me. But I also didn’t expect her to be spying on me in the fucking shower.

Not to mention what she probably saw. I was absolutely fucking my hand to the memory of her. The way she squirmed and begged. The way she screamed my name. They way she cuddled up against me. The way she looked in my t-shirt with her bedhead. The way she told me all of her secrets and emotions.

Everything about the girl drives me fucking crazy.

She’s the one that got away…until I caught her again. And I swear to God, I won’t let her go this time.

“Wait, what happened last night? What do you mean you didn’t sleep much?” Cody grabs a soda from the fridge and pops it open before walking back to the desk and plopping his ass right next to my feet.

I give him a bothersome look. I think to answer his question; I know I’m not going to tell him what Hollis and I did. I might have been the first guy to suggest a sexual relationship or hype up the guys when they wanted to fuck a girl. Hell, I remember the advice I gave to my friend, Callan, about his assistant."Just fuck her." And I never used to shy away from bragging about my one-night stands. But I refuse to let that slide with Hollis. I’d never stoop to putting that part of us out for listening ears to gobble up. I will respect her, on top of wanting to keep that part of us to myself.

“I just had a rough night,” I answer, and Cody pegs me with dubious eyes.

I smirk thinking about the way she held her legs up for me and the way she tried to cover her mouth when she needed to cry out loud. How she writhed under my tongue’s assault. They way her eyes looked up at me like she didn’t deserve to feel the way that I made her feel.

“Lost in thought there?” Cody takes a sip of his soda and I realize I have the look of a man who did more than just lose sleep last night.

I remove my feet from the desk and clear my throat. If I wasn’t thinking about Hollis twenty-four-seven before, I certainly am the fuck now.

“Mind your own,” I demand Cody and he just smirks at me and walks away.

“Might wanna put a band aid over that split lip,” I quip, and he flips me his middle finger as he exits the breakroom.

I toss my soda can in the trash and get up to head back out to the shop. I’m not even supposed to be here today, but I know that I would lose my mind thinking about everything we talked about last night if I was home doing nothing.

But I also keep getting distracted here as well. I want to talk to her. Look at her. Fucking kiss her again. My dick stirs in my pants just thinking about her and I know that I’ve got a fucking problem.

I’m addicted to Hollis Marie Mendoza.

It’s ten thirty at night when I settle into my bed. It was a longer than usual day only because my mind was elsewhere. I’m not one to usually sit on thoughts and ideas but Hollis is more than that to me.

I lay my head on my pillow and rest my hands on my abs as I think about the things she said to me last night. She suffered mentally because I led her to believe that I left her in rejection instead of protection. I can’t fucking imagine how that felt for her. I hate that I wasn’t able to help her get through any of it, and that I didn’t try harder to explain my feelings to her. I hate not knowing what that day really did for her. The idea alone is eating at me and I’ve only known for about a day what she had to deal with for over ten years.

“It started with one thing then led to another,”she’d said. That’s the indicator that more than just me rejecting her—or what she thought there of—was part of her journey and when she told me she struggled with depression, my heart fucking sank.

No human person deserves to feel that way, to go through something so mentally tiring. But it fucking stings knowing that Hollis went through it, that she felt so little about herself that she didn’t even recognize who she was anymore. All because I didn’t let her be herself, speak her truth and instead was selfish and decided that my choice was her only choice. That what I was doing was protecting her, because I didn’t think it was right to tell her how I felt and then leave. But really, it did the opposite. It tore her down and led her down a path of mental destruction.

And though I don’t really know the feeling of having to manage those types of things myself, I do know what it feels like to have the actions or words of someone make you overthink about your own worth for a little bit.

For example, when my mom decided that Kylan was the better and more successful of us boys, I’ll admit, it kind of hurt. I realize that I might have disappointed her with the decisions that I’ve made but she doesn't realize that she made me feel left out, alone, lost. I hated that feeling. It led me to think that I was never going to be good enough for her.

Granted, I just shrugged my shoulders and moved on, and I lived my best life in Colorado. Meanwhile,my Holliwas drowning in ways I’ll never be able to understand because of her situation.

I hate myself for making her feel that way. But the logical part of me knows that this whole fucked up situation is tied to both of our wrong-doings. She allowed herself to be closed off, she decided to block me out of our friendship without so much of an explanation to me in which I could have defended my actions a long time ago. She never looked back. And I could have been more forthcoming and talked out my feelings with her. I could have taken the chance to explore the way I felt and asked her if it’s what she wanted as well. I could have left Colorado after I realized something was wrong to come back and find her sooner. I could have asked my old friends about her, but I decided to leave it alone. We both screwed this up. She just suffered a lot more than I did and that’s the part that hurts the most.

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