Page 22 of Lost & Found

He’s already got the microwave discarded and the kitchen cleaned up like new.

“Order it?” he asks.

“I can do it in a little while.” He frowns as I rub my neck sheepishly, not really sure how to feel or what to think in this moment.

I see him scroll a few times, click something, look up at me, then click a few more times.

“You didn’t have to cancel the order,” he says as he leans back into the counter.

“You don’t need to pay for it,” I counter wanting to keep what little control I have left all to myself.

“It’s not a big deal.” His smile is what sets me off, not in a good way either. It’s like he has no concern for anyone else’s feelings but his own. How can he smile at a time like this?

I don’t know why, but I snap.

“Why? Because you’re made of money now and want to throw it around to try and impress me? Because I made a mistake and you want to treat me like I don’t know how to take care of myself?” The words come out sharp and harsh, not intentionally, but I let them fall out of my mouth on instinct. To protect myself.

I see the fight in his expression—pride and pain, because he should be proud of his accomplishment, but I know I was wrong to accuse him like that.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that, Jax.”

He sighs and I turn my back for a moment needing to step away from the atmosphere.

How did one night alone turn into a kitchen fire and old feelings resurfacing, driving me mad and blurring my vision. Because that's what is happening. Jax showing me that he would still do anything for me, even after the way I treated him a few days ago, is too much for me to compute.

“It’s okay, Holli,” he says and the nickname stings too fucking much.

“Please, don’t call me that anymore,” I tell him, a lot calmer than the last time it was brought up.

“Why?" I hear him push off the counter and take a few steps my way, so I brave myself and turn to face him.

“It hurts too much, Jax.” I’m being open and honest with him for once, instead of giving him a piece of my mind in a way that hurts both of us even more.

“Talk to me about it. I just want to understand what I did to hurt you.” His hand reaches up and grazes the side of my arm in an unfeigned and comforting touch.

“That’s the thing. If you don’t know by now, then it’s not even worth it to bring it back up.” He looks defeated and I'm exhausted.

Jax hasn't even been back in town for a full week yet and already, the tension fills the room like a toxic addiction. Like it could break us at any point in time. But this is what I’ve been used to after all this time. Being broken.

“That’s not fair, Hollis and you know it. I didn’t think coming back here would be-”

“I didn’t thinkyouwere coming backat all, Jaxon. You left and…” I tail off as I notice that Jax's eyes get distracted, looking down slightly at his side as my phone chimes.

“What’s this?” He picks up the phone and stares at it for an awkward second.

I give him a weird look before grabbing it from his hands.

“That’s my phone, why?” I press the buttons on the side to lock the screen and tuck it into my back pocket.

“No, that looked likeInstagram." He gives me a wounded look, like I've injected him with even more betrayal than before.

“And what if it was?” I ask, unsure of what his tone holds as he looks at me with eyes that look like they're being threatened by the angry waters of the North Sea. I’m not sure what he’s getting at but I wait for him to form his words.

“I just, I didn’t realize you were back on social media.” His words are stale.

“What do you mean,back on?” But I realize what he means before I can finish my question and the truth is about to break free. The truth I know he won’t want to hear but I won’t lie to him about it.

He steps back, creating space I didn’t know I needed and I wait for him to talk.

---