Page 41 of Sin

“Said no to what?”

“You,” he confessed. His fingers bunched the fabric of my shirt in his fist. “When President Osborne came to me and proposed adding you to the team. I lied to you. I could have said no. Let you stay in prison and found someone else to join my team. I thought about it too. I told you I didn’t have a choice, but if I’d put my foot down, President Osborne would have listened to me, Sin.”

I held my breath, worried if I so much as breathed wrong he’d stop touching me, stop talking to me and take away that little bud of hope building in my heart. “Why didn’t you say no?”

“Because,” he said, his face so close to mine, “As much as I hate you, I love you too.”

It was all so overwhelming. The heat of his body so close to mine. The fresh scent of clean cotton from his clothes. His whisper-soft breath against my lips.

I wanted him. Ached for him to close that last bit of space between our lips. To see if the memory of his kiss was just as wickedly sweet as I remembered.

But just when I thought he might kiss me, he pulled away, leaving me wanting.

“Lucas is heading east,” he rasped, changing the topic abruptly. “I tracked him two states over. If we fly out in the morning, we should still be able to catch up with him.”

“London, don’t change the subject,” I begged in frustration, reaching for him.

He dodged me. “Please.” His voice broke, and his throat bobbed. “I need more time to figure out what I want, Sin. And I can’t think straight with you so close.”

At least I knew he was just as affected by my proximity as I was by his.

When he saw the warring emotions on my face, he took another step back. “Please. You said you’d take things at my pace.”

Even though I didn’t like it, I respected his boundaries too much to be selfish right now. Because he was right, I had promised. And I wasn’t going to push him just because I was so desperate for him.

Tightening my fists, I backed off, giving him plenty of space as I moved to sit on the nearest bed. “Okay, London. But sooner or later you’ll need to decide if you can let go of the past so we can start a future,” I said, not able to look at him. “This can’t go on forever.”

Was it only the nostalgia of our past which kept him from cutting me loose? Because as much as I wanted him, I couldn’t keep letting myself be pushed to the side. I had wants and needs too, and if we couldn’t figure this out, then I’d need to put my well-being first and find some way to move on.

“I know,” he whispered. And then he slipped into the bathroom, leaving me behind. Again.

And as I listened to the shower start, I couldn’t help but find it funny how, for someone so scared of being left behind, he sure did most of the leaving.

Chapter Eight

Always so alone

Ididn’t want to be there when he finished his shower. Besides, I knew I wasn’t supposed to be alone right now. So after a few minutes to put myself back together, I headed into the other room.

The others didn’t say much to me as I sat on one of the beds and watched them work. I didn’t know how soundproofed these inn walls were, but if I were to take a wild guess, I’d say not very.

No one asked me to help, probably sensing my mood, but still, I grabbed a spare tablet and scrutinized the documents and files we had for this case. I studied the pictures of all the people with access to the labs—the full-time lab workers like Taylor and the others, the part timers and their baby faces, Keith, a lab assistant and engineer, and a handful of janitorial and custodial workers.

Occasionally, my hand drifted to the bottle I’d started carrying around at all times with me, almost like I needed to know it was there in case I broke and needed the medication.

There was a lot, mainly about the lab workers. Most of the information was so boring, like their vaccination records, any bills they hadn’t paid off, etc. There was even a list of their most recent DoorDash orders. I didn’t know what the purpose of some of the info was, but I tried to take it all in, even if my eyes started to glaze over.

Eventually, the team grew hungry. London hadn’t come to join us after his shower, and when Blade went to check on him, she’d discovered him passed out in bed.

So we left him to sleep and looked up food places nearby.

Lewis and Mare left to fetch beer and pizza from a nearby pizza joint. When they returned, the smell of greasy food caused my stomach to recoil, and I passed up the pizza they offered me.

Blade eyed me, and I swore I saw concern in those lined eyes. But thankfully, she didn’t push for me to eat. I was pretty sure anything I ate would come right back up.

The team spread out through the room, taking a break from looking for Lucas. Apparently, Lewis had a facial recognition program running, and it would alert us if it found him or any of the missing lab workers. So with that program searching and a digital map displaying any electrical problems on our side of the globe, we took it easy.

We stayed up a little while longer, watching shitty TV together. I mostly zoned out, lost in my thoughts while Jinx and Blade claimed one of the two beds as their own and Lewis took a seat next to me on the other. Mare made herself comfortable on the armchair, her gaze occasionally flicking to me. She still hadn’t changed out of her clothes stained with my blood.

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