Page 7 of Rolling with My Bosses

John

My brothers and I live together in a giant cabin. I heard them leave early this morning. We’re all anxious for our first workday with Lexi.

When I let myself into the mail room ten minutes early, they’re already there. We talked about Lexi and our desire to care for her. She’s worth the risk.

Austin enjoys power positions and is willing to break a rule if he deems it unwarranted, such as the F.U.C.K fraternization rule that he deems micromanaging archaicism.

Bear likes to keep the peace and always has his eye on how situations can be smoothed out. He’s convinced Lexi wants us to take care of her. We just have to convince her of that. His backupplan is that she’s brand new and can work at a different company if it bothers her to break the rules.

In our own ways, we agree this thing with Lexi has to happen. Logistics will work out.

“How are we going to handle today?” Bear asks.

I look to Austin, who winks at me. “I liked John’s approach of texting her to wear a skirt that’s a little looser today and a button-up blouse.”

Austin stretches his neck. “As long as she doesn’t turn us into HR. I can’t get a read on her. It doesn’t make sense that she and Beatrix hid the fact that she was going to work here, and now, she’s worried about fraternization. Something’s not right. And why is she so attached to the Opus Syndicate mail room?”

“We all got to start somewhere.” Bear says.

“Which brings us to why she would want to hang out with old guys who work in a fucking mail room?” Austin slams his fist against the wall. I watch as he pulls his hand back, and I’m grateful the sheet rock isn’t damaged.

Bear goes for logic. “Let’s get this project done for the boss man and turn in our policy violators. So far we’ve got the extra-long shit breaks that dude in marketing takes and the frequent smoke breaks for the lady in procurement. We tried to drop hints and they didn’t take us seriously.”

“Yeah, because we’re fucking mail room clerks,” Austin can’t get over his irritation.

Bear has it mapped out. “We gave them a chance. They didn’t change their ways. We turn a couple people in and Smith lets us off this project. Then we’re back to our corner offices. We’ll have Lexi’s attention then.”

“Easier to convince her we can take care of her if we’re her bosses than her mail room coworkers,” I say as Lexi arrives in a loose skirt and button-up blouse as I’d requested.

“Your outfit’s nice.” And easy to fuck you in, but I presume that’s understood.

“Thanks…umm…it’s probably a mistake. I needthisjob atthiscompany.” She starts spouting about climbing the corporate ladder and that she’s going to take classes, she just wants to get in the environment and be sure she’s doing what’s going to move the needle fastest.

I can’t get my brain past the fact that this sweet thing shouldn’t be working. She should be at home barefoot and pregnant, which is the exact opposite of what she says she wants. Good thing I’m prone to keeping my mouth shut. My thoughts are a personal and HR minefield, but I can’t stop the thought of wanting to keep her full of babies.

As beautiful as she is, she’ll be even more beautiful pregnant.

We should figure out a way for one of us to work from home any given day of the week, allowing us to physically be there for her. Babies can be a lot of work. My mind drifts off while she gives us a spiel that she clearly spent all night preparing. I force my attention back because this is important to her.

She wraps up. “So, I am going to work at Opus Syndicate and I need your help paying attention to the rules.”

She needs our help…good, she’s not convinced rules are that important.

My mouth gets ahead of me. “We’ve been slaves to corporate America all of our adult lives.” I falter as I finish the sentence. Our big professional lives that led us to a mail room. We need to get back to our regular positions so we can be honest. I try to redirect the conversation. “I have no doubt, with your attitude, you can do whatever you want, but don’t be a slave to the executives who only value you for your ability to make money for them. Make time for a life you enjoy.”

Lexi’s face lights up. “That’s exactly my plan. I love roller derby and hope to get accepted onto the team here. I have a life outsideof work, and I am going to continue that. You guys work in the mail room.” She waves a hand toward the bins. “There are only so many pieces of mail and packages to deliver. What do you guys do for fun?”

I say, “You.”

Lexi laughs, then tries to gather herself. “We aren’t approved for overtime, so what do you do outside of work?”

“Hang out with friends.” We can’t afford to give up too much information, because we can’t have her piecing together who we are, although I don’t know how she’d do that.

“Okay.” She sounds disappointed in my answer then gets a spark in her eye. “How long have you been working in the mail room for you to be up for a promotion? And please don’t tell me that you started here ten years ago. That would kill my dreams.”

“It’s nothing like that,” Bear says.

“So how long does it take to get a promotion from the mail room?”

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