Page 24 of Rolling with My Bosses

“Isn’t it something about getting fired?”

“Correct,Fired for Sanity. It’s a misleading name. Your first thirty days are a trial period, and if for any reason you’re deemed not to be a good fit for the company or your position, you can be let go to save everyone’s sanity.”

“What can I do to fix this? Let me stay on a little bit longer.” I’m shocked at how desperate I sound.

“I’m sorry Ms. Smith. This is effective immediately.”

“Who determined I’m not a good fit for the company?”

“I can’t say.”

“Of course, everybody gets to hide behind privacy these days.”

“Usually, but in this case, I simply don’t have the information.”

“Please double-check before firing me.” I’m shameless in the wrong ways.

She closes her eyes for a moment before continuing. “I already double-checked.”

My heart continues to sink. I would say there’s only one person who’d want me fired, but I guess there’s three. They had fun. Maybe had a thing for virgins. Or their egos got bruised that I wouldn’t commit. Whatever. They don’t respect me as an individual if they’re going to get me fired for it.

Monica continues, “If it’s any consolation, the records show no fault on your part.”

“It’s no consolation. This was personal.”

Her head cocks to the side slightly. “Personal? How so?”

“It’s not your problem.” I hand my badge to her. I no longer have access to anything except the corridors and certain floors that the elevator allows public access to. I head to Beatrix’s cubicle first, explain that I got fired, and she agrees that it seems like the guys are behind it.

“That’s pretty fucking shitty,” she says far too loudly. Again, not concerned at all about anyone in the cubicles around her.

She turns back to her computer and in a bunch of quick clicks and a little bit of typing, I realize she has her two-week notice pulled up.

“There.” With a dramatic click, the form blips off the screen.

“Wait,” I say too late. “No need for both of us to be broke. I might need a couch to sleep on.”

She tosses her hair over her shoulder. “That cam girl thing is going gangbusters. Let’s go to the diner, my treat. Cheri is bound to have something that you can drown your sorrows in.”

“You’re still on the clock.”

“What are they going to do, fire me?” Her fearlessness is inspiring.

We ride the elevator down, and I imagine my stepsister having sex with my three brothers in a small space like this. I shiver. My path isn’t so fortunate.

“You’re going to be okay.” Beatrix pats my arm.

“I guess it’s good my dad didn’t know I worked here. I’d never hear the end of it if I couldn’t even stay employed in the corporate world for thirty days. He’d blame roller derby or friends with blue hair.” I smile at her. “I thought the corporate ladder was going to be tricky to climb, but not for these reasons. I mean, one minute I’m having sex with three guys and Bear is defending me, and then they’re getting me fired. I just can’t understand guys.”

Beatrix giggles.

I side-eye her. “That’s hardly funny.”

“No, but it gives me an idea. Our little outing to the diner is going to be a C.U.M. party. One last fun acronym for you.”

“C.U.M.?”

“Can’t Understand Men.”

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