Page 29 of Kismet

“You struggle with the requirements yourself and you were born to it. She was not. I fear she will crumble under the strain.” A pained smile graced her face as she looked up into his eyes. “Do not think I am demeaning the girl. Like I said, she is very sweet. She will make a very good wife for someone. Just not you.”

“She makes me happy, Mother. Is that not enough? For your son to be happy?” He knew there were parents who didn't care about their children's happiness, but he had hoped his mother was not one of them. She was not that heartless. Or was she?

“I would love for you to be happy, my son. What you must understand is that the ton is a hotbed of gossip and backstabbing, especially when it comes to an earl’s choice of wife. I just worry. It's in a mother's nature to worry, and I am no exception. Gossip will come out of the woodwork for whoever you choose, and I worry she will not be able to handle it.” Her hand was soft as she reached out and grasped his own, offering a silent show of support. “I know you would hate to be the cause of Miss Catherine’s suffering. I will pray that your Catherine will be able to handle any challenges that come her way.”

“That is all I ask. Once you get to know her, you will see just how remarkable she is.” Theodore's smile returned in full force as he held tightly onto his mother's hand. In the back of his mind, a nagging worry lingered about his mother's dissatisfaction with the match, but he didn't want to let it consume him. He was happy, and he wanted to remain so. He would not borrow worry. Should she turn nasty, he would act, but not before.

“Yes, I am sure.” A smile spread across Lady Matlock's face as she looked at her son. Her smile, he noted, however broad, didn’t quite reach her eyes.

Chapter Fourteen

Catherine paced around the room. How was it possible for her to be so ecstatic and terrified at the same time? On the one hand, the thought of Theodore’s smile and the happy glint in his eye sent shivers down her spine. She couldn't help but daydream about their future together, envisioning lazy afternoons spent in his company and little blue-eyed children playing at their feet. On the other hand, the thought of being a countess made her want to cast up her accounts.

Though she had agreed to a courtship and possibly more with Theodore, it had dawned on her that morning that being with him meant more than just being with the man she loved. It meant becoming a countess the moment she said her vows. She was the daughter of a country squire. A very inept country squire at that. How could she become a countess?

Panic began to rise, and she could not help but walk quicker while she paced. Would she have to change in order to fit the mold of a countess? If she stayed true to herself, would she shame Theodore by not conforming to society’s standards? She would never willingly embarrass him, but she could not let herself fall back into the shadows she once existed in. Knowing that biting her lip would only worsen her anxiety, she dug her nails into her palms to distract herself.

“Catherine, dear, whatever is the matter?” Lady Derby entered her sitting room, worry clear on her face as she approached. Sitting on the settee, she patted the cushion next to her, “Come sit with me and we will chat while we wait for tea.”

“Thank you for granting me the opportunity to call unexpectedly, Lady Derby.” With a heavy sigh, Catherine sank onto the cushion beside her, feeling the softness give way under her weight. “I fear I have gotten myself into a bit of a bumblebroth.”

Lady Derby’s wise eyes seemed to pinpoint the cause of Catherine’s frazzled state. “Could this have anything to do with the gentleman you attempted to teach archery not too long ago?”

Catherine blushed and dropped her face into her hands, hoping to hide her embarrassment and gather her thoughts before confessing. Taking a deep breath, she peeked up at Lady Derby over the edge of her fingers. “I love him but…I have no idea what to do. How does one go from being simply herself to becoming something as grand as a countess?”

Lady Derby’s kind smile bloomed into a full grin. “Ahh, you have developed feelings for Lord Matlock, and he possibly has feelings for you in return?”

“We are courting, or we will be once we receive Uncle Gardiner’s permission.” Despite her unease, Catherine's lips turned up into a wobbly smile.

“And only now that things are progressing as you want it to, you are realizing that he is an earl.” Lady Derby smiled, her eyes going hazy for a moment before she looked back at Catherine. “I actually remember the moment I realized the same when I accepted Lord Derby. He was a viscount at the time, so I knew he was titled, but I had not thought much of it. Until I did. Then I became completely overwhelmed.”

Hearing that Lady Darby experienced similar worries brought Catherine some comfort. “I was so happy, but then it dawned on me that he is now an earl and I would become his countess. While I have been filled with sympathy for him as he struggles to adjust to his new position, I never pictured myself taking on similar responsibilities.” Noting that she had been twisting handfuls of her dress with her anxious hands, she began to search in her reticule for something to occupy them. Taking a handkerchief out, she began to twist it in her hands instead. It would not do to ruin her dress simply because she was out of sorts. “There is nothing particularly remarkable about me. As a debutante, it's a constant challenge for me to navigate morning calls without making any verbal missteps.”

Lady Derby's response was marked by a smile that held traces of both experience and compassion. “I may be a countess, but it does not make me especially remarkable. I simply have more people that I am trying to care for. Yes, there are people that make a big to do of a title, but it is only a big to do if you make it one.” She looked directly into Catherine's eyes and softly asked, “What is your greatest concern?”

Taking a moment, Catherine composed her thoughts and aligned her concerns into a cogent order. “I understand how to run an estate and make sure the tenants are taken care of. It is the people of the ton that worry me. I am not one of those ladies who is overly concerned with fashion or being seen by the right people. I most certainly am not at all like the current Lady Matlock.”

“I believe that Lord Matlock’s mother is the sort who likes to put on a grand display of her status of being a countess. You do not have to model yourself after her.” She paused for a moment, grimacing in distaste. “Frankly, I would not at all suggest you model yourself after the current lady Matlock. She is known for her desire to show up her supposed friends, while I am known for my charity projects. You can be known for whatever you want.”

Catherine's eyes widened slightly, her mind sifting through thoughts in a flurry. Hadn’t she just told Theodore that he did not have to conform to being the kind of earl his mother wanted? It would seem that the same would hold true for her. They could be unique together.

Sinking into her chair, Catherine felt a wave of relief as she smiled at the encouraging news. “That is so very reassuring. I know Theodore has been trying so hard trying to walk in his brother’s shoes. Theodore has not told me, but I know he is miserable going to all the dinners his mother tells him he is required to attend to uphold Cedric’s legacy. I just want him to be able to be himself.” Catherine's voice held a touch of vulnerability as she shared her sincere desire for Theodore's happiness. “I cannot understand why he has allowed her to take over so much of his life. He was a colonel in charge of troops in battle and yet he is allowing his mother to make him miserable.”

Reaching out, Lady Derby clasped Catherine's trembling hand. “The weight of grief can make you lose sight of who you are after the loss of a loved one. People often struggle with expectations, both ones they think their loved ones have and ones they have for themselves.”

With a pensive nod, Catherine confessed, “I have been struggling to find a way to help him.”

Lady Derby's wistful eyes were supportive as she mustered a short-lived ghost of a smile. “Just being there for him is all you can truly do. He must find his own way back to himself. Have faith that he can manage it. I believe he is a good man and can find his way in time.”

“I am glad to hear it,” Catherine whispered softly, her words filled with gratitude. “It is a struggle to watch him go through this, but I will have faith that with more time and my love, he can set his own course.” She looked up as a smartly dressed maid entered the room with the tea tray. Smiling, she noted all the delicious treats on display. She had been in such a tizzy that she had not eaten anything but toast and tea this morning, and Lady Derby’s cook was a dab hand at pastries.

Without wasting any time, Catherine was promptly presented with a cup of tea, its steam rising enticingly. She happily selected a delectable pastry filled with the fragrant combination of apple and spices. Their conversation became less about reassurance, and more about things that would help Catherine as she stepped into the role of countess. As they talked, Catherine’s worries seemed to disappear as fast as her pastry did.

Timmy finally found the courage to approach the side stoop that morning. When he had noticed the scullery maid and cook scrubbing vegetables in the morning sun, he decided to approach. He had scoped things out enough to give a small trust a try.

Taking off his cap, he approached the two chatting ladies. “Good morning. I was wondering if I might help you with your work this morning. Maybe, can I get a bite to eat in return?”

The older woman stopped what she was doing and looked him over before smiling warmly at him. Reaching over, she picked up a small bucket of potatoes in water. “You come sit over here and scrub these up good and I will make it worth your while.”

---