Page 27 of Kismet

How did one tell the love of their life just how much they meant to them? Was there an easy way to express such a thing? Or did one always have to endure feeling like they were going to vomit a kaleidoscope of butterflies in order to confess their feelings? “I have something to confess.”

“That sounds rather foreboding. What could you have done that could merit such concern?” Theodore pulled Catherine closer to him, and she felt her body relax in his embrace.

Catherine resisted the urge to lay her head against his shoulder. She briefly wished they were back at Pemberley where no one would have batted an eye had she done so. “Not so much something I have done, but there's a secret I'm anxious to tell you, and I'm afraid of your reaction.”

Theodore paused as if to assess her, his eyes full of worry as he leaned in. “I'm here for you, and I'll always be a safe place for you to share anything,” he said kindly.

Glancing back, Catherine noted that the others were out of earshot and were distracted looking at something. It was most likely Selene’s doing. The wonderful girl really was a darling friend. Realizing this was her chance, Catherine took it.

“IthinkIloveyouandIamhopingyoucanreturnmyregard.” Gasping for breath after saying everything in a rush, Catherine closed her eyes. Face aflame, Catherine felt like they would be surrounded by those butterflies at any moment. She knew she had spoken so fast that it was nearly impossible he understood her, but she did not think she could say it again. Peeking up at him, she hoped with everything in her that he would not make her repeat herself.

With his eyebrows drawn together, Theodore looked to Catherine as if he was trying to do long division in his head, or possibly translate Portuguese. “Are you saying that you have feelings for me? Romantic feelings?”

Chapter Thirteen

It took Theodore a moment to catch up with Miss Catherine's fast-paced delivery. His brow furrowed as he tried to take in the depth of what she meant by her rushed words. So many questions hurried through his mind. She loved him? And was asking if he could return her regard? Could he actually be so lucky? Was it going to be that easy? He expected to have to work hard to gain her affection, but she was saying she already loved him. “Are you saying that you have feelings for me? Romantic feelings?”

“Yes,” Miss Catherine whispered.

Miss Catherine’s face was fiery with a blush so dark he began to wonder if it was entirely healthy. “Well, that certainly makes it simpler. Here I had thought it would take ages to turn you to my way of thinking.”

Miss Catherine’s head shot up, and she looked at him directly, her eyes searching. “Are you saying that you are able to return my regard?”

“Most heartily.” Rubbing the back of his neck, he looked up at the sky and then back at the woman who had caught his heart. “I have this strange sensation that Artemis has favored me, without requiring me to undertake any of her trials.” Theodore glanced away from her surprised countenance to notice that their standing still on the path was gaining attention. Pulling her along with him, they began to move along the path once more. “I must admit I had not expected you returning my affection. I did not know you already felt favorably towards me.”

“I had thought, that is to say,” Catherine bit her lip, her eyes never leaving his face as she struggled to express her thoughts. “I had feared that you could never return my feelings and have been trying to hide my own.” Miss Catherine turned her gaze from Theodore, but her grip on his arm grew stronger.

Theodore was astounded to learn she had been hiding her feelings from him. “Why would you think yourself unable to gain my affections?” Looking down at her, he wished that society did not require woman to wear such all-encompassing hats. He longed for a glimpse of her hair playing in the wind. Instead, all he saw was the top of her rather fetching bonnet. The comforting thought occurred to him that he could invite her to stroll somewhere private like Pemberley or Matlock. Far from the prying gazes of old biddies who disapproved of something as simple as an uncovered head. That was if, of course, things proceeded as he hoped they would. Maybe at some point in the future he could ask her to forget her hat.

Tilting her head, Miss Catherine looked up at him from under the brim of her bonnet. “For one thing, I am younger than you are, and I had thought you would prefer a more mature partner in life. It is why when you were walking with Selene, I had thought you would prefer someone more like her.”

Nodding his head in understanding, Theodore was able to see why she might feel that way. Though he was anxious to reassure her. “While there are ten years that separate us, I do not feel you are in any way immature. We have talked many times, and I have found our conversations of so much more substance than most people I speak with. You have more ability to discuss subjects that matter than most of the men I come across at all the dinners my mother has been making me attend. You should hear some of the mind-numbing drivel that they spout.” Theodore's heart swelled with joy as he saw the slow smile of relief on her face. “In all truth, I believe you are so much wiser to the world and its suffering than many of the people I encounter, and that means a lot to me. I, on the other hand, thought you would think me too old and battle worn.”

Catherine managed to bump into him playfully with her shoulder. “Men differ from women. While men become more distinguished, woman merely go on the shelf. I have seen debutantes engaged to men twenty years their senior or more. There was a girl Jane met during her London season that was engaged to a man her grandfather's age. Society seems to find age unremarkable as long as the gentleman is the older of the two. What is the ten years between us to me?”

Appreciating all of their plain talk, he was relieved to realize that most of the impediments he had seen for them were melting away. With the issue of age out of the way, Theodore’s next concern was about his persistent nightmares. He did not want a marriage like most of those in the ton. His desire was to have a similar happiness to what his cousin had with his wife—one bedroom, not two. His nightmares, though improved, were still there, and he wanted her to know what she could be getting herself into. “I feel I must warn you that my time in battle has marked me more than can be seen. My sleep is often disturbed by nightmares.”

“You forget then that my sisters and I fought our own battles, while not the same sort you fought against Napoleon. I have my own scars and, yes, nightmares. We shall simply have to be there for one another.” Catherine patted his hand where it rested on her own on his arm. “Perhaps they will fade with time. We will have years to help them do so.”

Feeling the bottom drop out of his stomach at her words, Theodore paused a moment to allow his world to realign. She was willing to stand beside him and help him through his trials, making it seem like the most natural thing in the world. How had he managed to be blessed with the love of the woman standing next to him? “When I began this walk, I did not know the direction things would head in. It seems as if we have gone from both suffering from unrequited love to looking at our lives together years from now.”

Miss Catherine’s giggle was soft but effective in showing her the joy of the moment. “Yes, that does seem rather fast, but we both seem to be of a mind.”

“Miss Catherine, would you do me the honor of entering into a formal courtship with me?” Theodore was somewhat certain she would accept, yet he still felt a flicker of doubt as he held his breath in anticipation. It had briefly crossed his mind to propose, but he decided it would be better to take things slower.

“It would be my pleasure, Colonel Theodore.”

Theodore was happy to see that her blush had moved to a healthier glow than before, and her smile had him catching his breath. He had always thought she was a lovely girl, and then felt she was a beautiful woman. Now, with the love that he saw in her eyes, she took his breath away. Swallowing convulsively, he decided he no longer wanted her to call him colonel. “I would have you call me Theodore whenever possible. Would you mind if I called you Kitty?” Theodore wondered if she would be okay with such a term of endearment.

“Not at all, though…” Catherine blushed, looking up at him as she got a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. “I think I will always prefer Artemis when you are especially happy. I hope you will not mind me sometimes calling you Theo, though Theodore most of the time.”

He had no idea how much she had liked it when he called her Artemis. The idea of calling her something special when he was especially happy filled him with a sense of warmth. “I suppose we should let our families know of our decision. Is your Uncle Gardiner in town still? I will need to speak to him about permission to court you.”

“Yes, with my father out of the picture, he is the one in charge of us unmarried ladies.”

“Then I will have a meeting with him as soon as may be.” Theodore’s mind instantly went to all the things he needed to do to proceed properly. He was not going to let this joy slip through his fingers. Too much sadness and stress had pervaded his life as of late to throw away what could be the best thing that ever happened to him.

Sneaking had become part of Timmy’s life. You snuck to avoid the bullies. You snuck to slip by the toffs when they ignored you on the street. He knew better than to cross paths with the men who wanted him to steal and went out of his way to dodge them. Most of all, you avoided old Maggie who ran the flash-house.

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