Page 49 of Kismet

Theodore had spent the rest of his day in a frenzy of visits to people he rarely saw. He had gone directly from Darcy House to the address on the card he had gotten from the Bow Street runner. It was there that he had learned that Deerhurst had survived his trip from the park to his home. At first, Theodore had been concerned that Deerhurst would try to escape, but then he had learned one of the runners was going to be stationed outside his house to monitor him and prevent him from running. The doctor had advised that he remain in bed for two weeks at a minimum to allow his leg to mend adequately.

It sounded like he might be prosecuted for the threat he made against Darcy, and a charge of blackmail seemed to have a greater likelihood of success in court compared to other offenses they could bring to book. Theodore's anger grew as he contemplated the lack of consequences for Deerhurst’s actions towards Catherine. He was outraged by the lack of laws that adequately protected women as he believed they deserved.

The runners said they had all that they needed and would keep him in the loop. He made sure that they knew he would fund everything as necessary. It seemed that his mother could not be prosecuted for the role she played in the whole situation. Lady Matlock had proven to be too clever to pin down legally. Without hard evidence, it would merely be a matter of Lord Deerhurst’s word against Lady Matlock. Despite that, he was determined to make sure his mother did not get away with her actions.

His next stop had been going to his solicitor. It had been a fairly simple matter to arrange for his mother to be cut off from all Matlock funds that she was not entitled to. He also arranged with the man the strictures he would put in place for her time in Wales. Before he had found out that his mother had acted so horribly against Catherine, he had been willing to support his mother in a manner to which she had been accustomed. That was no longer the case. She came into her marriage with a set amount in her settlement, and that was all she would be receiving. With it invested in the four percents, she would get roughly a thousand pounds a year. That thousand pounds would have to cover all the estate's expenses, including the steward that would be in place to manage everything.

At home, he went through all the bills that had been forwarded to him from the shopping that his mother did. He wrote every proprietor a message stating that from that day forward, he would not cover his mother’s debts. As he added up all her clothing expenses for the year, it seemed like a small fortune. It was more than she would receive from that point forward. She would certainly need to adjust to a different lifestyle. He asked Barnes to get him a tray for he would not go to supper with his mother. Instead, he kept to his rooms and the study. He knew that if he saw his mother, he would explode, and he wanted to speak with Catherine before he confronted her. Catherine had a right to be there when they put her in her place if she so chose.

When it was finally time to go to Darcy House and beg for forgiveness from Catherine, he felt physically and mentally exhausted. He felt as if he had just fought a grueling battle, and maybe it was so. It just wasn’t the type of battle he had grown used to.

Tugging self-consciously at his waistcoat, he waited in the entryway of Darcy House. Part of him thought he might be turned away, that Catherine may have come to her senses and decided he was not worth the effort. Forcing himself to stand and wait instead of giving in to the desire to pace, he waited to see if Catherine would come.

The sound of footsteps on the stairs had him glancing up in eager anticipation. Catherine was coming down the stairs arm in arm with her sister, Elizabeth. It was apparent that the day had been hard on her equanimity. Catherine did not look quite like herself. He was also certain that his stupidity from earlier in the week did not help matters to begin with.

Elizabeth stood in front of him, her arm wrapped protectively around her sister. “Theodore, Catherine has agreed to speak with you. You may talk in the sitting room. Lambert will be in the room with you and a footman will be standing in the hall.”

Nodding with a solemn seriousness, Theodore replied, “Thank you, Elizabeth.”

After giving her sister a warm hug and a gentle kiss on the cheek, Elizabeth patiently waited for her to exit the room. She then faced him with a stern expression. “My sister is determined to speak with you, and I am respecting her wishes. However, I want you to know I am not pleased by the fact that my sister spent days crying over your words and actions. She has told me that you wish to apologize, and I am willing to allow that. Just know that I will not stand idly by and allow you to hurt her again.”

He had always gotten along well with Elizabeth even before she had married his cousin. His heart ached knowing that his own foolishness may have harmed his relationship with her, as well as all the Bennet sisters. “I am sorry, Elizabeth. I will do everything in my power to make it up to your sister. Please know that I love your sister deeply and I want only the best for her.”

“Do not force me to find a way to hurt you. You know, we Bennet ladies protect our own.” Elizabeth stared at him with a hard, penetrating gaze. Then, with a slight smile, she added, “I would rather have you for a brother than an enemy. Now go reassure my sister.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Theodore hurried to the sitting room, nodding to the footman standing next to the open door.

Catherine was sitting in a chair by the fireplace. His heart shuddered in his chest as their eyes met. How had he summoned the audacity to crush her heart with his actions?

Moving slowly, he settled on the chair near her. “Are you recovered from this morning?”

“It took some time, but my sisters helped me to recover somewhat.” Catherine smiled, but it did not travel all the way to her eyes. She somehow seemed wary, as if she feared he might hurt her again.

Remorse settled deep into his gut. He had put that wariness there. “Yes, the bond you share with your sisters is remarkable.” A few moments passed by without conversation. Theodore had a million thoughts swirling in his mind, making it difficult for him to choose where to begin.

Catherine closed her eyes and then opened them after taking a deep breath. It was as if she had found her balance and returned to the conversation with a heightened sense of strength. “You said you had apologies to make.”

“Yes, apologies, so many apologies. I was wrong about so many things. I was wrong for assuming that you were incapable of overcoming the gossip of the ton. I was afraid of letting you get hurt. Somehow, I felt as if it was my fault that you were in pain.” Scrubbing at his face, Theodore fought to forget the haunting image of her expression at the ball.

Tilting her head, Catherine frowned. “You thought I was crying because I was hurt?”

Pausing, Theodore looked at her in confusion. Why else would she have been crying? “Yes?”

“You may not know this about women, but we cry for many reasons. We can cry because we are sad or depressed or happy. That night I cried because I was so furious, and I had no easy way of expressing it. You may move on to your next mistake.” Catherine offered a small smirk as she shifted in her seat, crossing her legs at her ankles.

He was taken aback by his own stupidity. Theodore only hesitated slightly before continuing. “Lydia was right. I was allowing my mother too much influence over me and my life since becoming earl. You were right. The weight of trying to fill my brother's shoes was causing me to lose sight of who I really was. More than anything else, I was wrong about my mother. I foolishly believed that my mother was telling the truth when she said she wanted to help me adjust to my new responsibilities. That she wanted to grow closer.”

Reaching out, Catherine clasped his hand until he looked her in the eye. “I know the pain of betrayal is worse when it is perpetrated by someone who should love you. You know how hard I struggled. How hard all my sisters and mother struggled under my father’s domination. Despite everything, I am sorry that you had to see her for what she is.”

Returning the gesture with a squeeze of his own, Theodore smiled halfheartedly. “Thank you for showing me empathy and understanding, especially in light of my own stupidity. Though I by no means want to excuse my behavior, I want to explain how I have been feeling.”

Catherine nodded in encouragement as she returned her hand to her lap. “I noticed that you were struggling even before Cedric died. Tell me what is going on in that head of yours.”

“It is odd, as if I am waking up from another one of my nightmares, only to find that it carried over into my real life. I feel like I have been detached from myself for so long.” Trying to figure out how to explain how lost he had become, he stood up and paced the room, the sound of his footsteps filling the silence. “Even before my brother died, I had felt lost and had been trying to find my way. I had expected nothing but pain and eventually death in battle, and then suddenly, I was not in the regulars anymore. I did not have an estate or any prospects.”

“Is that what you were worrying over before Cedric died?” Catherine’s voice came softly from where she still sat.

Finally settling into a defeated stance in front of the fire, Theodore watched the flames flicker. With a slow shake of his head, Theodore forced himself to continue. “I had finally admitted to myself and my brother just how badly I had been struggling. Then he died, and I was drowning in responsibilities and my mother pretended to be a lifeline. Only she was a snake just waiting to devour me.”

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