Page 23 of Veiled Yearning

I can’t speak, so I give him a jerky nod. If I talk, everything will come bursting out. No longer on the verge of a panic attack; I’ll completely lose it. But I can’t. Not in the car. Not in front of Gavril.

“Would this help?” He holds out his hand, his gaze flickering from the road to me. When I don’t move to take it, he adds quietly, “I don’t know… I just thought…”

At first, I’m startled. Gavril? Offering his hand to me?

But it shakes me out of the fog I’ve been floating in, bringing a sort of clarity.

Maybe it will help. It couldn’t possibly make things worse. And he’s trying…

So I take his hand.

His fingers wrap around mine, encasing them in warmth. His hand is so much bigger than mine, but instead of being overwhelming, it’s comforting. Just for a moment—one blissful moment—I feel safe.

His thumb strokes across my palm; soft, with a hint of roughness. The weight of our clasped hands on my leg is like a tether, pulling me back to myself.

Sizzles of heat streak from my hand, up my arm, and through my body. The chill that’s been shaking my body gradually ebbs away. The sick feeling in my stomach settles.

I’m shocked again, but for a different reason. I never knew holding hands could feel like this.

“You were amazing back there,” he says. “But I’m so sorry.”

A shudder ripples through me, and Gavril squeezes my hand gently. “It’s going to be okay. We’ll be at my place soon, and you can take a shower; I have a huge one with lots of shower heads, I don’t know how many, but it’s a lot. There are plenty of bedrooms, you can pick whichever one you want. And we can start a fire, and I’ll get some blankets…”

As he rambles, his thumb still brushing lightly across my skin, my fractured pieces start coming together again.

His kindness is a balm; soothing away the rawness.

And suddenly, I realize this is the real Gavril. The one he’s had to hide away so he can do his job, so he can bear the weight of his visions. So he can be the intimidating and powerful Sentinel who has given over his life to the cause.

People think he’s cold and unfeeling—I thought he was—but he’s not. He’s worried about me. He cares how I feel. He’s doing something that probably makes him uncomfortable because he thinks it might help me.

Gavril falls silent, turning his attention back to the road, but he doesn’t let go of my hand. And that’s enough for me—just the reassurance of a man I didn’t think I liked very much but am quickly coming to feel differently about.

After several minutes of silence, he asks, “Are you feeling any better?” A pause. “Physically, I mean. You looked really ill, and now—” He stops again, and his voice dips in apology. “Sorry. I know I’m not supposed to say if you don’t look well.”

A spark of interest has me turning toward him. “You’re not?”

“I don’t think so. At least, that’s what I’ve heard. Never say anything to a woman that isn’t a compliment.”

“Oh. Well, it’s okay.” The belt around my chest loosens another notch. “I know I look awful. And I did feel really sick. But I’m feeling a little better now.”

The tiniest smile pulls at his lips. As he signals to turn right, onto another narrow, winding road, he says, “Good. Not that you felt awful, but—”

“I know what you mean.”

“Is it always like that? Feeling so sick? Do you get like that each time you make something for us?” His jaw clenches, and concern roughens his tone. “You should have told us. Told Frederick. If I’d known you were getting sick—”

“It’s not like that when I’m imbuing things. I’m just pulling energy that isn’t being used. So it’s not hard; I might get tired if I make a lot, but never sick.”

“Are you sure? If shielding my house is going to be too much, Chiara, we’ll figure something else out. I don’t want to make you feel worse.”

For a moment, I’m speechless. Where has the accomplish the mission at any cost Gavril gone?

“It won’t,” I assure him. “Making the talismans is fine. It’s the other thing… well, I didn’t really know how I’d feel. Or… I wasn’t sure.”

The car slows as we creep across a narrow, wooden bridge. The planks creak slightly as we go over it. Once we’re across, Gavril asks, “You weren’t sure? But you knew you could do it. Right?”

I hesitate. This is something I haven’t told anyone, and the memory of it still haunts me. But Gavril was there; he saw what I can do. There’s no point in lying about the rest of it. “Yes. But I only did it once. And back then… I wasn’t sure it would work. I only hoped.”

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