Page 53 of Saved from Deception

“Oh.” Charlie backs away, her face dropping. Quietly, she says, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come down here. I just”—she gestures at the bottle she’s holding, filled with pink and specks of fresh fruit. “I was going to bring you this…”

Looking at the floor, her voice is flat and small. “I should have asked first. This is your time; I shouldn’t be intruding.”

Shit. The last thing I wanted to do is hurt her. “Charlie.”

She’s backing away, head down, curtains of hair hiding her face. “I’m going to go.”

“No.” Forcing my knee to stay steady, I reach out for her, catching her hand. “Wait.”

When I look into her eyes, I could smack myself. Darkened to a dull nickel, hurt and disappointed. And her face, dull splotches of pink on her cheeks, lips drawn tight and pulled down.

I’m such an idiot.

“Charlie. I’m sorry. Don’t leave.”

Still standing there, her hand in mine, she ducks her head away from me. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed—”

In my rush to protect my own insecurities, I’ve passed them on to her.

“You should have assumed.” Tugging her hand lightly, I lead Charlie over to one of the weight benches, pulling her down to sit next to me. “Yes, Charlie, you should have assumed it was okay to come here. Of course it is. You live here. And you’re my girlfriend. I can’t think of better reasons.”

Her eyebrows pinch together. “But you were mad that I was here.”

“I was upset. But it wasn’t at you.”

Charlie plucks at the hem of her dress, frowning at it, and I want to smack myself all over again. She’s been hurt—terribly—by her entire family, and then I snap at her when she’s only trying to help.

“I was upset that you were seeing me that way,” I admit, taking her hand and holding it between mine. “I was weak, in pain, and I didn’t like that you were seeing me like that. So I snapped at you. But that’s on me, not you.”

“What do you mean, weak?” She blinks at me. “You’re not weak.”

“My knee.” I tap the small scars criss-crossing the side of it. “It’s never going to be one hundred percent. And when I work it hard… it hurts. Especially when it’s rainy.”

“But Ry… Why wouldn’t you want me to see you in pain?”

Charlie is staring at me with a confused expression. And it doesn’t make much sense the way I’m explaining it, with only a portion of the story. The only way she’ll understand is if I tell her all of it.

“You know I was injured during a mission five years ago, and I had to be medically discharged.” After she nods, I continue, “So the injuries, they were pretty severe. Initially, I didn’t know if I’d even get back to half of where I used to be.”

Her other hand covers mine, all our hands interlocking. “I’m so sorry, Ry.”

“We were on a mission in the Middle East, training foreign allied soldiers. We were close with one of them; everyone on my team was. We considered him a friend. And then…” I grit my teeth, remembering. “He betrayed us. Bombed the camp, killed dozens of people, he assaulted—”

Fuck. I have to stop for a moment, as the image of a beaten and bleeding Nora comes back vivid as ever. “He hurt Nora. Badly. And there were explosions. Finn lost his hearing in one ear because of it.”

“Oh—”

“I was close to one of the explosions. My lungs were injured from the blast. I was thrown into the air; when I came down, I blew out my knee and fractured two vertebrae in my upper back. It took over a year of surgeries and physical therapy and several pins in my knee before I could even exercise like normal again.”

“Oh, Ry.” Tears well up in her eyes. “I’m so sorry. That you had to go through that. That you were so hurt.” The tears spill over and onto her cheeks.

“So I still have pain,” I explain as I brush the tears from her cheeks. “It’s worse when it’s damp. I can still do the same things as my teammates, but I have to work harder to compensate for the injuries, the muscles and nerves that don’t work quite right anymore.”

“Of course you have pain. How could you not after all that? But why didn’t you want me to know?”

The one confession I’ve never told anyone. Not even my teammates.

“Because my injuries make me feel like… less. Not as valuable to the team. I’m always going to have aches and pains. My knee can buckle sometimes if I work it too hard or I take a step wrong. I’m not one hundred percent. And I never will be.”

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