Page 82 of First Touch

“Move.” I shove again, but he’s like pushing a brick wall.

“No, calm down.”

“Calm down? Really? I finally found the love of my life, now he’s missing, and you want me to calm down?” I nearly scream at him, making him flinch. He might be big and tough, ex-special forces, but he’s not ever been one to fight with me.

“I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant. I need to talk to you with a clear head. I need all the information I can get about what he’s been doing the last few weeks.” He sees the understanding cross my features, and the defeat, so he ushers me into the kitchen.

Callie’s already waiting with a cup of coffee. She doesn’t say anything, she doesn’t need to. She can tell how devastating this is for me.

“I don’t know much. He never talked about it because he wanted to keep me out of it,” I explain, holding my head in my hands on the counter.

“Think. Any details might help.” Nathan sits next to me, knocking his shoulder into mine.

“He was going to the Veterans Support Group, on Tuesday and Thursday at the library. There was a guy there, Curtis. He got into some trouble and tracked me down one night at the bar when I was working.”

“What? Why are you working at a bar?” Nathan interrupts.

“Not important right now.” I wave him off. “Somehow that led to this other guy, Kyle, who is the asshole that broke into my house. Jesse said he was involved with his undercover job but didn’t realize it until that night. It was two nights ago, which is why I’m here. He and Sheriff Malec are working together I guess.” I shrug, not remembering anything else important.

“Malec?” Nathan questions, glancing at Callie.

“Yeah, he’s been around a few times. He and Jesse have some sort of working agreement, I don’t know.” My brain is mush at this point but at the same time reeling.

“Okay, I’ll see what I can find out. Stay here, inside with Callie.” He kisses the top of my head, and it’s the last thing I remember before I start to cry. Violent, sobbing crying that makes my head hurt and my eyes burn. Callie comforts me through it all, somehow moving me to the couch and holding me until I finally cried myself to exhaustion and back to sleep.

* * *

A door slams, jerking me awake. “Jesse?” I ask before my brain catches up.

“No, sorry, Thea. Just me,” Callie says from beside me on the couch. I rub the sleep from my eyes, wincing at how sensitive and swollen the skin is from how hard I was crying.

“You haven’t heard anything?” I ask her, even though I know she would have told me already if she had. The knots of worry in my stomach are making me nauseous.

“No. Nathan just stopped home for a minute to grab a few things. He just left again.” She looks away as she speaks like she’s keeping herself from saying everything.

“What? What aren’t you telling me?”

“He took his rifle and another handgun. He didn’t say where he was going, but that he was with Malec and he promised to be safe.” She shrugs, not knowing what else to say, but concern is evident in her features.

“Do you think they’re going to find him?” I can’t help but wonder out loud. It’s only been a few hours since I found out he’s missing, but he’s probably been missing for way longer already.

“I know they will because Jesse wouldn’t stop if the roles were reversed. Nathan won’t either.” She grabs my arm, squeezing reassuringly. I’m glad she is here with me and I’m not dealing with this alone. Out of anyone, Callie knows how skilled Nathan and Jesse are. Her confidence that they’ll come home safe gives me a little hope.

Unfortunately, I still can’t help but think the worst. How dare the universe set me up like this?

I was finally given a chance, and I was happy. Jesse was my dream come true and now he’s missing. I know what missing means… It means he could be dead. The man I want a future with might be dead and there is nothing that I can do about it.

We wait around all day, hoping to hear something, anything, from anyone. After a few failed attempts to get me to eat, Callie finally relents, sitting with me while I stare at the TV. My mind only wanders…

No one knows where he is because everything he was doing was classified. There are no witnesses. No search parties are looking for him. I’m so mad at his team back in Texas for letting him go missing. They should haven’t left him out here to fend for himself. They should have protected him and had his back, exactly like Nathan would have if they were still working together.

“He changed my life,” I say aloud, startling her. “He is so gentle and understanding.” I laugh, despite not feeling very humorous at the moment. “He’s the one, Callie.”

“I could tell you guys had a connection last time you were here. I’m glad it worked out. You’ve always seemed happy, but I can tell he’s really made you happy.”

“We met almost a month ago. He came into my library just by chance. He didn’t even know who I was until a few weeks went by. When he realized I was Nathan’s sister, it freaked him out, but it was too late. We were already falling for each other,” I admit. Saying all of this out loud feels therapeutic so I keep going.

“I had something terrible happen to me in college. It ruined my life for a lot of years… I couldn’t stand to be around men. I couldn’t even be touched because of how much that incident broke me.” I look into Callie’s sorrowful eyes, seeing her understanding of what I’m telling her. She doesn’t need me to say it, she knows exactly what type of trauma I’m referring to. Women always know.

---