Page 78 of ‘Til You Came Along

MADELINE, THEN

BUZZ. BUZZ. BUZZ.

“Babe…” I say sleepily as I swat Elliot’s chest with my hand. “Your phone is ringing.” He grunts and rolls over to find his phone. A few seconds later he rolls back over and pulls me to his chest. “Who was it?”

“Didn’t recognize the number, probably spam,” He says as he nuzzles his head into my hair.

Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.

He grunts again before gently detangling himself from me to reach for his phone. “Hello?” He asks in his morning voice, full of grogginess. I hear a muffled voice but I can’t make out words. Elliot sits up abruptly. I hear his breath hitch and I sit up immediately, putting my hand on his arm in the only comfort I can manage not knowing what’s going on.“When?” He asks, followed by more silence. “Thank you, I’ll be there soon.” He answers and my heart tightens in fear.

“Is everything okay?” I whisper.He doesn’t answer right away. His eyes are closed and his phone is still in his hand next to his ear.“Elliot?” I get up on my knees to crawl around and sit in front of him, facing him. “What’s wrong? You’re scaring me.”

“That was the hospital,” He says in a strained voice. “My grandmother died last night.”

I suck in a breath. “Oh…oh my God, Elliot. I’m so sorry.” I lean forward to wrap my arms around him. He finally lowers his hand and pulls me close to him. I sitin his lap, my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. He holds me tight for several long minutes. “What can I do?” I ask.

“I’m going to go to the hospital now. Figure everything out,” He answers, his voice barely above a whisper. I nod and pull my head back.

“Can I come with you?” I ask.

“You’re okay to miss classes today?”

“Of course,” I respond instantly. He nods and pulls me into him again. His body, which normally molds itself to mine naturally, feels stiff and tense. He feels far away even though my arms are wrapped around him. Feelings of helplessness and heartbreak begin to consume me as I try to hold him and reassure him that everything is going to be okay. But those words sound cheap, empty and hollow. How can I reassure him that everything will be okay right now? How can he even believe that things will be okay when the only good thing from his childhood was just ripped away from him?

I take a deep breath and I hug him harder.

We make it to the hospital just over an hour later, after getting dressed and eating a very quick breakfast, taking our coffee to go. Elliot is talking to the doctor and nurses, who are giving him funeral home information.

I am waiting a few feet away when I see my parents walking down the hallway. My eyes widen in surprise, wondering why they are here.I push off the wall to go meet them. “What are you doing here?”

“One of the nurses called us. Julia put me on her emergency contact list,” My mom answers and my heart tightens at that. I know my mom started a friendship with Julia over this last year. “How is Elliot?”

“Quiet. He didn’t talk too much on the way here,” I say sadly. My mom nods and mydad puts his arm around me and squeezes gently.

“Let us know if we can do anything, we don’t want to be in the way, but we want to help,” My dad says, kissing my head before releasing me.

Elliot walks over then. “Helen, Matthew. You didn’t have to come here,” He sayssoftly. My mom pulls him into a hug which he returns politely.

“We’re so sorry, son,” My dad consoles Elliot. “Anything you need, you let us know.”

Elliot nods as my mom lets him go. I reach out to hold his hand, and he looks at me with thanks and appreciation. “I know she didn’t want any kind of service…or celebration. She just wanted to be buried next to my mom. She wanted to be cremated,” He says softly. I know she considered Elliot’s mom to be her own daughter. My parents nod, sadness filling their eyes.

“What can I do for you?” I ask him. He looks down at me thoughtfully.

“Just…don’t leave me,” He says softly, squeezing my hand .

“Never,” I promise.

A few days later, Elliot, my parents, Ana, Hayden, and I stand at the cemetery in Penbrooke for Julia’s burial. The pastor is speaking and reading scripture, but I keep my focus on Elliot. I am worried he is going to lose it.

The past few days he has barely shown any emotion. I feel like we are back at the beginning of our relationship with how quiet and unresponsive he is. I know that grief is different for everyone, but the fact that he won’t talk to me is killing me. The fact that I can’t fix this for him is killing me.

The pastor keeps speaking beautiful and comforting words about life after death. I see movement in my peripheral vision, so I turn my head slightly to see a middle-aged looking man approaching. He is wearing a beat up looking black suit and a gray puffy jacket. His dark brown hair is cropped very close to his head. His pale face looks severe and gaunt, scary looking, but like he could have been handsome at one point in his life. He looks like life hasn’t treated him right, as if it swallowed him up and spit him back out. I wonder if he is visiting someone close by as he keeps approaching our small group.

I look towards Elliot, but he hasn’t noticed him yet. His eyes are glued to the ground where his grandmother’s ashes are already buried.

I look at the man again; he is just feet away now. He is staring at Elliot with a blank expression when he stops behind my parents. My parents throw me a questioning look and I widen my eyes as if to say, ‘I don’t know’.

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