Page 53 of Judge

“I think I’m just tired. I’m just so tired of taking care of him, and he doesn’t care about what it’s cost me.”

“He’s young. He didn’t have to grow up as quickly as you. He didn’t have the responsibilities you had, because you stepped up, so he didn’t have to.”

“I didn’t have a choice thanks, to my parents.”

“Where are they, do you know?” I already know this, but I don’t want to ruin this moment we’re having by telling her I investigated her and kept it from her.

“No, and I don’t care anymore. They abandoned us, and the older I get, the angrier I get with them. I used to wish endlessly for one of them to walk through our front door.” She looks away for a moment. “Now though, I wouldn’t know what I would say to them if they did, other than fuck you.” She smiles a little at her words, but her smile doesn’t reach those devastatingly sad eyes.

“Don’t you want to know what happened to them, if they are still alive even?”

She stands now and walks over to the tall window, looking out at the rain.

“Maybe,” she says quietly. “Maybe for closure. To finally put my questions to rest, and maybe then I would stop blaming myself.” She hugs herself as if she is cold, as if the words fall icy on her tongue. “Or maybe if I find out, the harshness of it will haunt me worse than the questions ever did.”

I want to tell her what I know about her father, but at the same time, I know it’s not the right time. I’m getting close to more information on her mother, but again it’s definitely not the right time. Plus, I realise we’re, for the first time, having a proper conversation. Walls slightly down, no banter, no sarcasm, just a man and a woman sharing a drink over a very deep conversation.

Chapter Thirty-One

Indie

SHARP, HEAVY DROPS ricochet off the windows. There’s always been something soothing and calming about the rain for me. Perhaps it’s the dark and gloominess that resonates with me. I find it peaceful like classical music for my ears. The comfort and safety it brings, knowing I’m inside and dry, out of the onslaught. It cleanses my soul and washes away the sorrows of the day, bringing me warmth and comfort. Now though, tonight, nothing is comforting about it, the wall of water separates me from my brother and a constant unease fills me with every breath.

Watching the rain pour down outside is like looking into the mirror of my soul. I feel like I’m drowning and there is no way out. I close my eyes, feeling my tears wash down my face like raindrops running down the window outside. I shiver, not from the cold but from thinking about Austin.

“Hey,” Roman says softly from behind me. “It’ll be alright; we’ll find him. I have Kade looking for him. He’s the best in the business, and it’s only a matter of time before he’s found.”

I inwardly cringe, remembering Kade from today in Roman's office. How ironic, the very man that petrified me is now helping me.

I can’t speak. If I dare open my mouth right now, I know I will crumble. So, I keep my eyes closed and just try to concentrate on breathing. Roman is so close I can feel his warm breath against my neck. His arms wrap around me, pulling me close to him. I stiffen at first, the unfamiliar feeling of being held by a man, the strange sensation of feeling safe. His touch is gentle, like the soft brush of a summer breeze.

“Let me in, Indie. I’m just trying to help you,” he whispers so soft and so low that every last inch of my skin heats with unspoken need. I lean my head back into the heat of his chest, letting out a long breath, melting in his embrace. I’ve never felt so protected, so cared for in my life.

“Why,” I ask so softly it’s almost a whisper. “Why are you helping me?”

He leans his head down to mine. The stubble on his cheek grazing mine delicately.

“Isn’t it evident?” He inhales so deeply into my neck I almost melt into him. My heart races so fast that I struggle to catch my breath. “I care about you.”

“Why me though? I’m nobody. I have so much baggage.”

Turning me around to face him, his warm gaze meets mine, time seems to slow, and the world fades away. The air crackles with unspoken tension, and then, with a gentle yet assertive touch, he cups my face, his thumb brushing away the tears that I promised myself he would never see. The city sounds melt into a distant hum as his eyes never leave mine. Soft fingers gently trace the contours of my cheek in a delicate dance of longing and connection. In this stolen moment, everything else ceases to matter. The world around me fades, and time slows as his chocolate eyes dance over my face full of vulnerability and so much desire.

“Because you are everything I am not.”

I close my eyes; I can’t look at him. Those eyes look right into my soul, mirroring my weakness and need. How can I feel this way about a man like him? He’s right, I’m nothing like him. He defends the evil in this city. He corrupts the very system that let me down. Despite all that, I can’t deny my attraction to him. What’s wrong with me?

“Look at me, Indie,” he asks low and soft.

Shaking my head, I try to push him away, but he pulls me towards him, holding me tight against him.

“Look at me,” he demands this time. God, I wish I had the strength to disobey, but I do as he asks and look up at him. It’s a mistake because the moment I stare into those beautiful brown eyes, I know I’m done for. He strokes the side of my face with the back of his fingers, so gentle, so soft, like I’m the most fragile thing he’s ever touched.

“I know I don’t deserve you, but dammit, I want you.”

I swallow thickly, knowing he’s about to kiss me and wishing I had a stronger will to stop him. In truth, I want it. I want to feel something other than pain and sorrow for once in my miserable life. I want to let him take that all away, even if it’s just for now.

His lips brush mine with the faintest of touch. The softness and tenderness of it takes my breath away. I watch as his eyes close and can’t help but to close mine too. The electric sensation of his kiss becomes my only thought, a sweet and lingering promise of something unspoken, yet deeply felt. I open my mouth to him, kissing him back and damning my soul to hell while I’m at it. The burn doesn’t come, though, nor does the regret or disgust. My inner demons don’t fight me against it; they scream even more as his kiss carries a sweet intensity, igniting a spark that resonates through every fiber of my being.

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