Page 194 of Unleashed

Chapter 31

––––––––

AFTER WIPING MY EYES on my forearm, I drop my sunglasses back into place and get out of the car. It’s usually not too crowded at my favorite place to think and to be alone.

Leaving my car on the narrow road, I walk past gravestones to a stone bench. Often, I sit near a famous person and spew made-up shit to tourists. Today, I pick a nobody’s grave. Like the one I’ll have someday. Today would be nice.

Sitting, I pull up the text on my phone that I’ve been avoiding. The mere sight of Simone’s name is enough to make my head throb, my heart skip a beat, and a wave of emotions surge within me.

I’m sorry I loved you, Greg. That’s not sarcasm. I’m truly sorry I put you through this garbage. I didn’t mean to fall in love with you at first sight. I don’t blame you for hating me for following you to NC, for guilting you into a fake marriage, or for me getting pregnant against your will. But I wouldn’t have forced you to be a father if Mother Nature hadn’t intervened. I swear. The annulment allowed me to let you go, but I realized it didn’t work when I saw you again. So, I fucked Archer last night. I’m not telling you that to hurt your feelings, to make you jealous, or to brag. Maybe you don’t care at all. I needed to be with him to fall out of love with you. It worked. You’re free. I wish you the best. No joke. Maybe someday we can be friends from afar. Or not at all. But know that I’ll always be friends with Amos, and if my brother doesn’t fuck up again, I’ll be your BFF’s SIL forever. I won’t barge into your life again, so don’t worry. I wish you luck with lawyering and with Tansy. She might be the one for you I can’t be.

As I prop my elbows on my thighs, my phone slips from my hand and falls to the ground as the dam breaks. I howl into my hands with fat tears soaking them. I’ve hurt two people I care about because I’m a scared, stupid douche canoe.

Simone. I just don’t...

Rhonda. Maybe I could fall for her. Maybe I’m halfway there, but even Bon Jovi can’t help me with that. I’d do anything for Ronnie, but I’m another guy who broke her heart.

This is fucking karma for laughing at Hadley’s predicament when I brought Wilder back to Richmond, and she had been dating another man.

No way. Like hell, this is happening. Rhonda is not my goddamn Dash. Shit. Or maybe Simone is, and I’m supposed to be with Rhonda this whole time?

I brace my hands on the back of my neck, bend more, and cry so hard that I slobber all over my jeans and my phone on the ground. I’m such a disgrace to humanity and to Clive P. Stokely, whose grave I desecrated.

Since I’ve hit rock bottom, I know what I must do, even if it makes me want to tear out my lungs. I pick up my phone and wipe it on my jeans before going to my car. On the road, my stomach growls in hunger and dread. Karma is fucking me in the ass now.

Arriving, I turn off my car and stare out the windshield. I’ve sunk this low. I’ll never outlive this, but if I get what I want, it’ll be worth the hell I’m about to crawl through.

I leave my phone in the car but keep the bags under my eyes. Shoving a hand through my hair does nothing for the hungover psycho look I’m rocking.

I stagger like I’m heading to the guillotine. I’d laugh at my pun if I felt like laughing again.

Checking my watch, I stop and mutter, “Fucking shit,” before I ring the doorbell. However, the dread turns to panic as that night I’ll always regret hits me. Still, this is my last resort. There’s no turning back now.

Waiting, I lean against the metal railing and slide down to the cement. If this doesn’t go as I hope, I’ll throw myself on the ground anyway and pray for vultures to pick me off.

I remained seated, unmoved by the sound of the door unlocking and a throat clearing. I know how low I’ve fallen.

When the door opens, there’s silence, which I drink in, since there’s no way that’ll last. “What the hell are you doing here?”

I pull my legs toward me and hang my arms over my knees. I sit like this for half a minute before I push my sunglasses onto my head and look up. I try to talk, but my throat clamps shut. Though, I’m able to mumble, “I screwed up.” Everyone was right. I can’t deny I’m the village idiot.

Crossed arms and a scowl greet me. “You’ll have to be more specific and narrow it down to yesterday.”

I wince as I swallow. “Simone.”

Dark eyebrows tug together, and I swear to Alex Trebek that his eyes glow redder than the fires of hell. “Oh, is that it? Do you know how close I am to smashing your fucking skull?” He raises his shadowy eyes to scan the road and sidewalk, not needing his fans to see him lose it like he did when Hadley dumped him in his front yard.

I nod, rolling my head against a metal rail. “I don’t blame you, Coach.”

“What the hell were you thinking? You toy with her like she’s a damn hobby to cure boredom or to scratch a fucking itch.”

“Finn...” I say, trying to prove to him I’m serious, but also to remind myself of my hopelessness. “I kinda felt better since she hurt me first.”

“That’s mature.” I hear a TV and Finley’s little voice singing along with it. I knew Hadley wouldn’t be here. I didn’t want her to see me beg her husband to save my life.

---