Page 72 of Unhinged

My eyebrows jerk together, creeped out by Aunt Amy’s wiggling eyebrows. “What’s that mean?”

She looks at me like she’s in on a secret. “I think it’s time for you to settle down, and she seems to be the perfect option for you.”

I laugh. “Simone? Yeah. Sure. She’s like fifteen years younger than me.”

Amos mutters, “That’s hyperbole.”

Aunt Amy waves her hand, basically giving me the finger. “Phooey. She’s attractive, so you’d have no problem baking buns in her oven.”

I laugh. “What do her looks have to do with that?”

She shrugs. “You know, the birds and the bees. The bees like prettier flowers and pollinate them more.”

“The more boners she gives me, the more kids we’ll have?”

Amos sighs. “I suppose if you phrase it that way.”

On that note, I say, “Aunt Amy, you know my medical issue.”

Aunt Amy picks up her purse. “That’s crazy talk, Greg. There are ways around it.”

“Tell Eden that.”

My aunt pouts. “What if young Simone wants to have your baby?”

I blurt out a laugh, disturbing Amos’s writing. “That’s hysterical. We’re friends.” Barely.

“Most lovers start out that way.”

“God. Don’t use that word. It gives me hives. She’ll have to find another baby daddy. Because of CF, I’m getting a vasectomy.”

Amos stops writing again. “That’s rather extreme.”

“So is death.”

Aunt Amy digs her hand into my hair and tries to style it. I swat her away as she says, “If your partner tests negative for the mutation, then you’re fine.”

“No. I can still pass that shit on.”

Aunt Amy walks past me, shoving her hand into my hair again before heading out the back door. “Okay, Greg. Be sad and alone.”

“Well, thanks.”

When she’s gone, Amos asks, “Birdy doesn’t ring a bell?”

“She can ring bells all day.” Standing across from him at the counter, I take off my coat. “Birdy’s not mine.”

“Excuse me?”

“Shasta lied. I wanted to get DNA and genetic testing for Birdy, but Shasta refused. I threatened a court order, and she confessed.”

“Well, is she lying about Birdy not being yours?”

“Amos, why would she lie about that with a potentially terminal illness looming over her?”

He nods. “Fair point. Are you okay with it? I know it must be upsetting.”

I shrug as Simone walks through the kitchen door. Her eyes light up with a smile as she says, “I thought you bailed on us.”

---