Page 209 of Unhinged

He sighs. “Your husband is a jackass with fucked-up issues. But I’ll go to therapy. I promise. I’ll do it for you and the little guy. Or gal.” He smirks and drifts his fingers down while leaning closer to me. “I guess we don’t have to worry about birth control for now. I can get us a hotel room, and we’ll make love until you pass out again. Should I take that as a compliment? Sorry, we have to take the kid, though. We should get used to it.” I hear his smile in his voice as I focus on the dashboard.

“I can’t.”

“Simone, please? The more it sinks in, the more I realize Shasta didn’t have my baby. You are. Ours. I’m here for all of it, even if your brother will be my kid’s uncle. Jesus H. Christ.”

I squeeze my eyes shut and slowly shake my head. “No, he won’t be.”

“Huh?”

My hand flies to my mouth as if to catch my sob. “I had a miscarriage, Greg.”

His eyes widen and drop to my stomach. “What? When?”

“The doctor said I had an elevated hCG level, but the level wasn’t as high as it should be for five weeks along. It was falling back to the pre-pregnancy level. That’s why I still tested positive. I had an early miscarriage two to three days ago. I tried to tell you, but you were so mad. Oh, God. I lost our baby.”

Greg is quiet as I cry, but then his voice trembles when he asks, “Are you okay?”

I nod as my sobs quiet. I’ll take numb any day. “I didn’t even know I miscarried. Many women don’t know when it’s so early.”

I hear the sorrow in his voice. “Was it… Was it because of anything we did? Arguing or fucking?” I shake my head. “Because of CF?”

“No. It just happened.”

His hand goes to his jaw, back to the steering wheel, and then to his forehead. “What about when the asshole hurt you?”

“The doctor said it depends how hard I hit the railing, but since this pregnancy was so early, the fall probably didn’t cause it. Further along, and it would be a bigger possibility.”

“Probably didn’t? Are you fucking kidding me?”

I sniff and sit straighter. “I’m sorry you won’t be a dad. But it’s not what you wanted, anyway. So, no. Just like Shasta, I won’t have your baby. No worries about your genes.”

“Simone… I’m sorry. After my sister died and then what Shasta pulled on me, my mind shut down with you, and I went into defensive mode.”

“More like offensive mode.”

“Yeah. Buttercup, I was so wrong.” Greg strokes my cheek, wiping my tears, and when I glance at his face, he wipes his cheeks with his other hand. “I never wished for this to happen. I feel like shit that our baby is gone, and I hate seeing you sad. Your smile is pure sunlight and rainbows. I picture our kids with the same smile.” He strokes my hair on the side of my head as tears roll down his cheeks. “Let’s do the hotel thing and work on another one.”

Dumbfounded, I scowl at him. “That’s not how it works.”

“Sperm and an egg, right? Isn’t it crazy what our orgasms can create?”

“Just yours. Mine is more of an optional feature. You can impregnate a woman anytime, whereas I’m only fertile once a month.”

“Oh, right. We can try for another one in a few weeks, then.”

I dubiously laugh at his audacity. “Seriously? After yesterday? And we’re in no place to have a baby.”

“What are you saying? That you’re glad this happened?”

“What a shitty thing to say.”

He frowns. “No. I just mean that I was making it work five minutes ago when it was an accident. We can make it work when it’s on purpose too.”

I shake my head, confused. “You’ll be in law school for three years, Greg. I’m going to graduate school. We have no time, a place to live, or money for a baby. Why make it harder on ourselves when we don’t have to now? I’m in my early twenties, for fuck’s sake.”

Greg sighs as I look out the windshield. “This is by far the last thing you’d think I say, and it surprises the fuck out of me too. But I want to put a baby inside you firsthand this time. Like soon. I can only explain it as a new and serious urge. The total opposite of what I felt with Shasta.” He’s right. I’m shocked beyond words.

I swing my head, whipping my blonde ponytail against my cheek. “What? Why?”

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