Page 174 of Unhinged

Simone blinks, caught off guard. “Uh, my mom is Irish and Scottish. I’m not sure about my father, other than Scottish too.”

Ashley says, “You and Greg could have a bunch of babies and move to Spain.”

“Why in the hell would we do that?” I argue because my sisters are playing me like a broken violin.

“Babies are cute, duh.”

“You weren’t all that showroom ready.”

Sherry smacks the table, caught between a yelp and a laugh. “Gregory!”

Dad says, “She had a cone head and a face like Rodney Dangerfield for a while.”

“I remember,” I mutter with a smile toward Ashley’s pout. Too bad she hasn’t outgrown Rodney yet.

Simone hugs Ashley. “You’re a beauty, sweets.” I see Candi is rubbing off on Simone. That’s all she’d better be rubbing off on my wife.

Ashley grins, and I swear to God that she will be our most frequent and unwanted houseguest.

Tabby glances at me before asking Simone, “So, Mrs. Rodwell, how many eggs will you let Greg fertilize?”

I drop my fork, making everyone look at me. “What the actual fuck, Tabitha?”

Dad mutters, “Jesus, Greg.”

Sherry squeals, “Gregory Richard!”

Ashley covers her mouth with a muffled. “Oh, my God!”

Tabby laughs. “Your face!”

Simone giggles but avoids looking at me. When we all calm down, she answers, “Um, I don’t know yet.” Didn’t she listen to me at all on our date? This can’t be an issue with us.

Tabby keeps going. “You’d have to do it with him. You know that, right? Gross.”

Dad says, “Tabby, that’s enough.”

Sherry shakes her head and smiles apologetically at Simone, not giving two shits about me. “You’ll have to ignore the girls.”

They both whine, “Hey!”

Seeing Simone not eating still, I shove back my chair and pick up my plate. I then go to hers, and she hands it to me without a word. Sherry asks, “Are you two finished? We can have dessert. It’s chocolate pie.”

“I think we need a break. We’ll eat some later.”

“Okay.”

Tabby whispers, “I bet he’s taking her somewhere they can make out.” She then yells, “Stay out of my bedroom!”

Ashley gasps, “Eww!”

Leaving the room, I announce, “We have two murders to plan.”

I hear Sherry say, “Leave them alone. I mean it.”

Ashley asks, “But why?”

Tabby mocks, “Greg’s in love. Ooooh.”

---