Page 205 of Unhinged

I wipe my eyes with my hand and sob, “Jesus Christ, Mom! Don’t you get it? Of all people, you should understand! I don’t want to watch them fucking die!”

Her hand goes to her mouth as heavier tears spring from her eyes, and I have to look away since it’s contagious. My mother puts her arm around me and yanks me to her. Amid her cries, she says, “My poor baby. I know grieving for Eden has been difficult, but I don’t regret her being born. Never.” She sighs.

“But I’m a carrier. I don’t want to pass that shit to my kids.”

“Your dad and I are carriers, Greg. Yes, after Eden was born and we learned about CF, we didn’t plan for more children. You were unexpected since I was on the pill.”

“You were?”

“Mm-hmm. Your dad also used a condom. I mean, it happens. You were meant to be.”

“Right,” I mutter as I rub my hands over my face from hearing those sordid details and for me throwing that impossibility into Simone’s face when I’m living proof of it succeeding.

“Simone can be tested. I’m sure she’s not a carrier, but if so, they may come up with better treatments or a cure someday. Yes, you could pass the gene, but your kids shouldn’t inherit CF itself if she’s not a carrier. I know that isn’t optimal advice, but I still don’t regret either of my kids. They were the best things to ever happen to me.” She sniffs and whispers, “Don’t deny yourself or Simone of parenthood, Greg. It’s the scariest, most stressful, most demanding job you’ll ever love.” She then smiles. “How could I not love my son, who gets his good looks from his mother?”

“Well, Simone doesn’t want me in our kid’s life. I don’t blame her after what I said.”

“You know you have a right to see your child. I doubt she’d really deny you.”

“But what if I’m wrong about Simone? I thought I was in love with Hadley. I mean, I do love her, but I thought it was more. How do I know what I have with Simone is the real thing?”

“Because you feel it in your heart and in your actions. I’m guessing that you let Simone see a side of you that you’ve not shown Hadley. I’m not talking about your past trauma or even sex.” She taps my chest. “You let Simone in here. I see it on your face. Being in love is a two-way street. Hadley loves her husband and never gave her heart to you. From what I’ve seen, you went all-in with Simone.”

“Obviously, if I knocked her up.” Though the method was unconventional, it fits Simone and me perfectly.

“How far along is she?”

“Five weeks, so right after our fight at the country club.” The next day. Holy hell.

“I knew there were more than angry sparks between you and Simone. Talk to her. Even set up something on neutral ground. You need to be in your son’s or daughter’s life. And you need to apologize to Simone and get her back.”

“What if I lose her? Both?”

“You fight for them. They’re your family.” Holy Christ. “We’ll help you get started wherever you want, but please go to law school.”

“We’ll see. I need to get Simone back first. She’s all that matters to me. I’d trade in that dream just to get her back. If I lose her…them…I’ll lose everything.”

“That’s what love is, Greg. That’s how it’s different. If it came down to it, would you have given up your dream for Hadley?”

“No.”

“You need to see a therapist who specializes in sexual assault victims. Your argument with Simone stems from that damage. Even though you’re scared to be a father, I imagine you wouldn’t have accused her of those horrendous things. You need help. Tell Simone you’ll get therapy to save yourself and your marriage.”

“I don’t want to go without her.”

“You need to either way. It’s paramount to your mental health. And yes, I say that as a doctor but also as your mother.” I nod. “I’ll give you a referral to the best therapists I know, and you can choose.” I nod again, and she hugs me for a while. She then sits back with a sigh and again fucking giggles. “My baby is going to be a daddy. Good God, and I, a grandmother.”

“I need to find Simone.”

“Not tonight. Give her space. It still may upset her, and stress isn’t good for either of them.”

“I guess.” Mom kisses my cheek and giggles more as she leaves the room. I didn’t realize she’d be this happy about one of my cumshots.

Taking off my coat and boots, I lie down on the bed and stare at the ceiling. I’m afraid to look at my phone to see how many stupid-ass messages Amos left me.

Reaching my nightstand, I pick up Eden’s purple diary.

Dearest Gregston,

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