Page 186 of Unhinged

“I’m jealous that she knows more about you than I do. Some of the things I know are horrible, and I wish they didn’t exist. I don’t feel like I’m at her level in your eyes. There’s a divide between us, and I don’t know why or how to get rid of it.”

“I’ve told you how I feel. Do you want me to hire a mariachi band to fucking sing it?”

“I guess it’s getting old, right?” I pick up my phone to check for any messages one last time.

Greg sighs like he’s indulging me for the last time. “You can’t leave.”

In the phone’s light, I raise a defiant eyebrow as he gawks at me from the bed. Borrowing a favorite phrase of my brother’s, I seethe, “Watch me.”

From here, I see his jaw twitch as he grits his teeth. I put down my phone, take off all my rings, pick up the spare key card, and leave as he bitches some more. I don’t need his noise.

I walk fast because I want to be alone for a while. I grab the nearest elevator and head for the main floor, where I had seen signs for the indoor swimming pool that’s open until midnight. The lobby is sparse, except for a TV echoing and the desk clerk speaking on the phone.

When I find the pool, I utter a quick prayer that it’ll be empty. Not so. One older woman is doing laps, and two men are in the water, while one in clothes stands near the pool, talking to the others. However, the other swim lane is free. Bonus.

As I remove my shirt and pants, I hear the chattering slow to a stop. A little paranoid, I glance toward them, and all three men swing their gazes from me with flustered smiles. Out of all my swimsuits, this one draws the most attention because of the bold colors. Though I feel like I suddenly gained a hundred pounds, I love attention. But tonight, I’m not in a social mood.

I don’t want to harp or judge Greg. I’m not known to do either, usually. I’m always for the truth, so when I get less than that, it fucking hurts. Even the whole Santa Claus lie still irritates me.

I finally found my prince, but I’m scared I’ll lose him to another woman because I can’t live up to his high standards. He’s going to be a damn attorney. I’m beyond proud of him but more disappointed in myself.

I approach the side of the pool for the swim lane and smile at the dry guy, who risked another look my way. Maybe in his thirties and cute. He smiles back, kind of shy, but says, “I like that green. It’s very…vibrant.”

“Thank you. If the power goes out, it serves as an emergency light. You can’t miss me.”

He laughs, and since he’s wearing jeans and a polo with a company logo on the pocket, I feel underdressed at a pool. “I’ll follow you, then.”

“Just not too close. I wouldn’t want to blind you in total darkness.” We laugh, and I start to feel better. I dip my toes into the water, but it’s still cold. Sitting on the edge of the wall, I tentatively lower into the water and suck in a loud breath.

My new friend says, “If you move your arms and hop in place, it should help. But I’m not sure if it’s supposed to warm you up or make you look like a bird trapped in a net.”

I giggle. “Thanks for the tip.”

I start my first lap, just regular swimming or whatever it’s called. I soon enter my zone, where I do my best thinking. After closing, I used to swim laps at night in the indoor pool on campus. The night lifeguard was a girl from my biology class who flirted with me at the pool. One night when I was the last to leave, she offered to let me stay later if she could see my tits. No harm, no foul, so I flashed them. But she moved her swimsuit crotch and jilled off in front of me. It was weird, but she wasn’t horrendous-looking, so when she asked if she could touch one of my tits, in a daring leap, I let her.

From there, it led to letting her finger me on the couch in the lifeguard office twice a week. Getting a Big O, no matter the mode was da bomb. The duds I dated often left me to use my fingers or vibrator as they snored, where Elle was getting it done. I got to swim alone and have a satisfying orgasm to top off the night. She really got the shitty end of the deal, having to do the grunt work since I only fingered her twice to an orgasm. Still, I did a better job than any guy had done for me.

We never kissed, and our arrangement lasted three months until she disappeared after that semester. I miss it—the swimming, mostly. I wouldn’t say I swing both ways. I couldn’t be in a relationship with a woman or eat a pussy. Still, I find us attractive and sometimes fantasize about women fucking each other or me while getting myself off. I don’t know if I’ll ever tell Greg about it, but I’d be truthful if he asked. I suppose if Greg hadn’t happened, I would’ve smashed pussies at least once. It might have been fun.

I switch to the breaststroke for my final lap, still unsure of our life and future together. Seeing the wall, I glide to it and get my bearings as I wipe my eyes. Looking up, I notice a pair of fancy hi-tops with a g on them. When I blink, crouched in front of me, is the only man who kick-starts my body.

I clear my throat, and it echoes. Peering around, I see the woman still hanging out in the pool, but we’re otherwise alone. I look up at Greg, dressed in green sweats and a white Bob Seger T-shirt. Greg’s crotch is practically in my face, just as he wants it to be, I assume. I’m incredulous, miffed, and realize I’ve missed him within a short time, even after an argument. “What are you doing here?”

He licks his lips, and his gaze falls to my chest and then back to my face. “I’ll ask you the same thing.”

“I’m swimming.”

Greg rolls his eyes. “Obviously.”

“You asked.” I dunk under the floaty rope to go up the pool stairs and wipe my face as I walk to my clothes. Greg hands me a towel and drying off, I mutter, “Thank you.” I glance at him, and his eyes scrub my body, so now I don’t need another shower. “What?”

He coughs and crosses his arms. “Nothing.”

As I dry the ends of my scattered hair in the clip, I ask, “Did you think I left the building in my pajamas?”

“I didn’t know shit. You just up and left.”

I move the towel to my arms as he still looks at me strangely. “I wanted to swim. I had a suit, and here we are.”

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