Page 144 of Unhinged

She laughs, and it’s Pennywise with exploding diarrhea. “I gave you several chances.”

“I’m supposed to want you over my hot, young wife? That’s hysterical.”

“Be nice! Remember, I’ve known you longer. Simone may be attractive, but she knows it. She’s the type of girl you need to watch. She went out with Elijah at the same time as you.”

“It’s called dating, and they only went out once. He didn’t make the cut, and she picked me. Sorry ‘bout his luck.”

“You’ll believe whatever she tells you. Like you’re the only one for her. Right. Did you ever consider that Simone is lying to you?” She shakes her head. “They say love is blind…”

“Go fuck yourself. My wife doesn’t hit on middle schoolers.”

Elijah returns with my mother in tow. “Gregory, what’s going on?”

“You need to fire this piece of shit.”

“Greg!” Cynthia squeals.

“What? Why?”

“For starters, she’s harassing my wife.”

My mother’s confusion grows. “I’m sorry?”

Cynthia says, “No, I’m not. I’m only telling Greg what he doesn’t want to hear about Simone. Sometimes the truth hurts.”

“Go straight to hell.”

“Gregory!”

“I will not put up with this garbage spewing shit about Simone! Get rid of her!”

My mother holds up her hand. “Let’s calm down first, and we’ll talk.”

“Huh-uh. Nope. No way. Cynthia is trying to force Simone out of here. She’ll leave Durham. And me.” Fuck, no. I won’t lose her again. I can’t go back to that place.

She frowns. “Greg, go into my office.”

“You don’t care about Simone, either?” I point at the urchin gaping at us. “Okay. This sorry excuse made inappropriate comments to your minor son repeatedly. Does that kind of harassment work for you?”

“What?”

“Asking about my dating life, if I kissed with my tongue, virginity status, how much I jerked off, what bases I had rounded, the size of my dick, and if anyone had touched me there yet. This was all in middle school, and then it’d repeat every six months like a progress poll. Is that sufficient?” I didn’t tell Simone the half of it because I wanted to pretend that if she had known, she would’ve slit Cynthia’s throat, defending my honor. Sick as that sounds.

“Cynthia, is that true?”

“Not at all, Dr. Abramson!”

“Really? Because just by your fugly face alone, you’re the type of person who would lie. That’s pretty safe to assume, right?”

As Dunkin’ Ho-nuts denies everything from the other side of the counter, my mother reaches over and clutches my arm. “Greg, look at me.” When I do, she searches for signs I’m joking, which is warranted for all the bullshit I’ve fed her. “Dear God,” she mumbles.

“I’m telling the truth now when I should have then.” A patient enters the waiting room, and I lower my voice. “I’m warning you, doc. You can keep Cynthia over all the things she said to me as a kid, but if you brush off what she’s doing to my heart and soul, then Simone is out of here, and I’m going with her. No contact with us or your future grandchildren.” Fuck. That was really low and never will exist.

I glare at Cynthia and whisper, “I don’t care if Simone sits on your goddamn lap. Stay the fuck away from her, or I’ll make your life a fiery hell. Ted knows about your lesbian dalliances with other nurses here, I’m sure…” I glance at my mother. “Oh, yeah. Once, I caught her dry-humping a woman in the storage room. Add that log to the fire.” I won’t mention what I’ve done in the storage room with Simone.

My mother, Elijah, and the hag all gape at me and then argue at once. I shrug. “Later, then.”

More patients enter as I leave. I can check that box now. On to the next.

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