Page 74 of Before She Disappeared

We emerge into an open area, hazy with cigarette smoke. To my right is a kitchen, with almost every available surface covered with discarded food containers and supersized bottles of booze. Something big, brown, and shiny skitters across the floor. Then two more somethings.

I swallow slowly. Going from Guerline’s bright-colored, homey apartment to this makes it hard to believe Livia and Angelique had much in common. And yet...

I turn my attention to the card table positioned against the wall on the left. A gaunt African American woman sits there, her face wreathed in smoke from her burning cigarette. She wears a faded blue floral housedress and the heavily aged features of a lifetime drinker.

I pull out the folding chair across from her, and have a seat. “Roseline Samdi?”

The woman takes a long drag, then taps the ash off the end of her cigarette in the remnants of a beer can. “You’re the woman? The one looking for Badeau?”

Roseline’s first few words sound typically Boston. But when she delivers Badeau, her island heritage gives her away. The name comes out both hard and soft, an echo of palm trees and drifting clouds.

“Did you immigrate as a child, or more recently?” I ask. I’m trying hard not to wrinkle my nose against the stench of spoiled food, unwashed clothes, and human sweat. If I lived here, I’d smoke all day, too, just to cover the smell.

“When I was little. I came with my mamè, thirty years ago.”

It takes me a moment to figure out that Roseline isn’t that much older than me. But to look at her...

On impulse, I reach over and clasp her hand. She’s too startled to pull away.

“Nine years sober. Nine years, seven months. I still miss it all the time. It sucks, doesn’t it? To want something so badly, when you know you shouldn’t.”

She doesn’t speak right away. Her skin is jaundiced. Her expression bleak. But in her eyes, I think I see a flash of gratitude.

“I made it a whole year once. Can’t say it was my best year, spending every damn day hurtin’ and wantin’. But afterwards.” She takes another drag of her cigarette, nods slowly. “Afterwards, I was sorry I let it go.”

“We’ve all been there.”

“So that’s it, then? You’re an addict, I’m an addict. I might as well tell you everything?”

The bitterness in her words is sharp enough for me to release her hand and sit back. This isn’t going to be an easy conversation or a friendly one. Might as well get it done.

“Did Livia know Angelique Badeau?”

“No.” It’s a hard sound. Like she’s exhaling very quickly, getting the word as far away from her as possible.

“Did Livia ever mention Angelique from the summer camp at the rec center?”

“No.”

“Why fashion camp?”

Roseline pauses, blinks. Her cigarette is almost burned down. She bangs out a fresh one from the pack beside her, using the old to light the new, without even the slightest pause in between.

“Why not?” she asks at last.

“She didn’t talk to you about it? Say how much she wanted to go, loved going, was so happy she went? I mean, you paid for it, right? Surely you wanted a reason.”

Roseline pauses. Inhale. Exhale. Tap. She didn’t pay for it. I can see that from her expression. Livia must’ve qualified through some program for low-income families. Meaning her mother never thought to ask a question about her enrollment?

In the end, Roseline offers a single, fatalistic shrug. In other words, Livia did go to fashion camp, and her own mother never bothered to find out why. I notice Roseline’s cigarette is now shaking slightly in her hand. She’s not as impervious as she wants to appear.

“Did Livia have a friend who was taking it?” I press. “Or maybe an obsession with Project Runway? Aspirations to design for a living?”

Inhale, exhale, tap. Finally. “Livia liked to make things.”

“Make things... So fashion camp was the closest she could come to... making something?” Which is interesting, because I’d already assumed Angelique hadn’t been into fashion either. For her, it appeared to be about the opportunity to do art. Maybe for Livia, it had been design?

“Who are Livia’s closest friends?” I ask.

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