Page 49 of Roses for Rosie

The aggression makes me feel marginally better. Throwing the book makes me feel powerful, like I’m in charge. I sit down on my bed and stare at the ceiling. Something has to change.

I am an adult and my life is my own to do with what I think is best. My life doesn’t belong to my father. I don’t have to let him beat me down and demoralize me every day. He needs me and I would never leave him, but I need more.

I need a space of my own. I deserve the freedom to come and go as I please. Staying out late for book club shouldn’t be something I have to feel guilty about. Going on a date with a man shouldn’t leave me breathless with fear for the repercussions. Having my own life doesn’t mean I love my father any less. It means that I am ready to love myself more.

Adam may have lied to me, cheated on me and broken my heart, but he also showed me a whole new side of the person I could be. If I am willing to stand up for myself, I know I can be that person - the strong, independent, adventurous woman Adam saw in me. She’s been inside me all the time, I’ve just hidden her under the meek girl my father wanted me to be. It took Adam’s attention and affection to make me brave enough to let her out.

Now that I see her, I can’t ignore her. There is no going back to being mousy, submissive Rosie with my father. I refuse to hide the amazing woman I am anymore.

Now that I’ve decided, I can’t wait to get started making changes. I look around my room, at all of my childhood mementos. My living arrangements are the first thing that needs to change. I can’t be the new and improved me while I am still living with my father.

If I pick up a part time job, I should be able to swing rent on a one-bedroom apartment in town. I have some money saved up from my job at Nooks and Books to get me started. I would still be close enough to my dad to bring him dinner a couple times a week and to check up on him.

Having my own space sounds like an absolute dream. I could play music as loudly as I want to, choose which station to watch on TV, have friends over for a dinner party. The possibilities are endless.

“Thank you, Adam,” I say to the empty walls of my room. “Thank you for helping me find myself.”

Chapter 24

Adam

I stare at my phone. Scarlett is a piece of work! I can’t believe she is so desperate to get revenge on me that she would go after Rosie like that. I am livid. Hanging up on her felt good, but it isn’t nearly enough. I have to fix this with Rosie and I have to do it now.

There are only a few events left on the book tour. I know Jan is going to lose her shit when I skip out on them, but I really don’t care. Rosie is more important than any book tour event. She is more important than the next sale, the next book, the next movie opportunity. She is more important than anything.

She is the first thing in my life that has felt real since the whole whirlwind of writing success began. The parties are amazing, but full of people posturing for each other. Meeting rich, famous people is exciting and makes me feel like I have arrived, but I know as well as they do that they would stab me in back as quickly as they would say hello if it would help them get ahead.

I’m living the life I always dreamed of living, but it isn’t as fulfilling as I thought it would be. It’s the same rat race, just with higher stakes and more black ties.

Being with Rosie broke through all the bullshit. She’s authentic, she’s real. She grounds me in a way I didn’t realize I needed until I had it and then lost it. If winning her back means giving the rest of it up, that’s fine with me. I’ve been to the big time, I’m ready to take a step back.

I picture staying in on a Saturday night, curled up on the couch with Rosie at my side watching a cheesy old movie and I smile. I imagine stumbling down the stairs late on a Saturday morning and getting the coffee started so there’s a cup waiting for Rosie when she wakes up. That sounds better than every continental breakfast in a hotel I’ve ever seen. I want to take long lazy walks through the fall leaves with nothing to do but hold hands and make plans.

I don’t need to be Adam Smythe, author extraordinaire, anymore. I just want to be Adam, a man in love with a woman. I just need to convince Rosie to let me be that man.

It’s a no brainer really. I am leaving this book tour and I’m doing it today. I pull my suitcase out of the closet and start piling clothes in it. I can’t let Rosie stew in her hurt and anger for one second longer than she has to. The sooner I fix this, the better. I don’t even want to imagine the stories she is telling herself about me right now. If even half of what Scarlett told her was true, she would have every right to never speak to me again.

I make quick work of packing and send off a quick text to Jan before I walk out the door.

“Personal emergency. Cancel today’s events. Thx.”

When the screen lights up a fraction of a second later with Jan’s name I silence the call. The last thing I need right now is a knock down drag out fight with Jan. A text message is supposed to signal my lack of desire to have a conversation. If I wanted to hash this out with all the details, I would have called, not texted. Personal means I don’t want to talk about it.

The call goes to voicemail, but is quickly followed by another buzz and another as Jan calls repeatedly, attempting to get me to pick up the phone. Good agents are persistent, and usually I admire this quality in Jan, but I’m not playing this game today. I power my phone off and head for the lobby. She can leave all the voicemails she wants, I’m off the grid for now.

I wonder idly what she will tell the people at the event today when I don’t show up. She’s good at handling stuff like that. I pay her well to be good at it. I am positive she will come up with something brilliant. I might even end up winning some sympathy and looking like a hero by the time she finishes putting her spin on my vague excuse. Elaborate all you want, Jan, I think.

I’m in luck. There is an empty seat on the next flight to New York and I have just enough time to race through the airport to make it to the gate in time for boarding. I pay for my ticket and take off for the terminal. Half an hour later, I am out of breath, but I am on the plane, ready to head home.

Home, I think. Strangely, I don’t picture my house with its many bedrooms and expansive views. I see Jamesville in my mind’s eye. I see Nooks and Books with its circle of cozy chairs, piles of books and unnerving cat. But most of all, I see Rosie standing in the middle of it. There is a smile on face and her eyes light up when she sees me walk through the door.

I don’t dare to hope for a reception like that. Our phone call let me know that I’m not exactly welcome in Jamesville right now. She’ll forgive me though. Once I’m there with her, once I tell her my side of the story, she’ll have to see the truth. The two of us are meant to be and I’m not going to give her up without a fight.

The last thing I want to do right now is sit still in this seat on a plane. I am ready for action. I want to move, I want to do something. Sitting here and waiting is killing me, but the pilot still has the fasten seatbelts light on and I’m trapped. To distract myself, I plan my approach with Rosie. What could I say that would make her listen long enough for me to make my case.

“Scarlett is a sneaky, conniving, lying little bitch…” Too harsh, too angry.

“Rosie, I’m nothing without you…” Too whiny.

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