Page 178 of Forcing Fate

A month passed, and the snows came. The first snow was always thrilling, but after that, no one found joy in it.

Except Collins.

We took up throwing balls of snow at each other whenever we were outside. Sometimes we hit others, much to their displeasure. Jamlin especially detested the snow. Being born in the deep south, he was acclimated to the hot summers, not freezing winters.

My training went better, and I was more confident than ever. I upgraded from a staff to a spear, and my skill improved with each passing day. I could hold my own against most of the Tennan, though I struggled against Jamlin. The man was wicked with his sword. Blain was infuriating, as well. He was cunning. He used deceit to his advantage, which I hated, but it gave me good experience. The Shadows weren’t going to fight with honor.

Sparring with Rafe was another thing entirely. The man moved with more speed and power than a human should be capable of. He seemed to know my moves before I made them—always three moves ahead. He was a magician with his blades. I had no chance against him.

I grew to be proud of my archery. I was the best shot in the Tennan, with the exception of rapid-fire shooting with a short bow. That title belonged to Xzanth, who shot with impossible speed and accuracy. I was sure he could mow down the entire Shadow army if he simply had enough arrows.

Thunderbolt and I got along famously. I rode him without a bridle, forcing myself to give up my weakness—clinging to the reins. I learned to guide him with my legs, and not rely on my hands.

He was so steady, I could shoot with my crossbow at a good distance while he ran along, and never missed. He navigated the mounted courses without mishap. On the few occasions he slipped on a patch of ice, his deft recovery left me barely needing to steady myself.

With the snows came the Winter Solstice. I had sent word to my mother to meet me at the Dragons Beard Inn in Hamsforth. I was sure she would fear the worst… well, perhaps not the worst. After all, I don’t think she would ever imagine that I would join the ranks.

I had won a free evening from Rafe by stitching patches on the Tennan’s uniforms. Our new insignia depicted a dragon leading a lion with swords crossed behind. We were Rafe’s lions then. I took pleasure in sewing during the dark, snowy days while Zephath read next to me. Jamlin often sang with Korzak humming along in that deep voice of his. The others would beg for a bawdy ballad, and oftentimes Tegan would join in and humor them.

I used my free evening to shop with Niehm and Elenor for the Winter Solstice. My mother deserved a special gift, and I wanted to spend time with my friends. I saw Willhelm now and then in the main barracks, but meeting the women was far harder.

As I matured, I grew to crave their company. Not that I didn’t enjoy the Tennan, they were fantastic. We were like a big, obscene family. Tegan was a terrible prankster and always ready for a jest. He made every task, even cleaning the chamber pot, a laughable ordeal.

Being around men, however, had its drawbacks. Though perhaps it was one man in particular who was a drawback.

I grew bold—and foolish when we went off to bathe at night. Something about it felt as if we slipped away into our own world. Sensations like that whispered dangerous things to my heart.

Rafe treated me different when we were alone. I could tease him out of his shell, and he responded almost playfully. I’m unsure how it happened, but somewhere along the line, I realized we were friends. He was still the same rough, crude, brash General. That hadn’t changed. Yet, when we were alone, I could fire back and pull him out of his rudeness. He would soften and allow me to push at his rough exterior.

Sometimes he would be lost in thought, looking out over the frozen lake. I would take those moments not to question him, but simply sit next to him and press my shoulder against his arm—just enough to let him know I was there.

When he praised me, my heart sang. But my mind screamed a warning. This was dangerous. I was feeding a part of me that shouldn’t exist, let alone flourish, yet I was helpless against it.

The more I gave into the craving to be close to him, the greater it became. I had to admonish myself for thinking treasonous thoughts concerning him. Every time I watched for him when he left, I felt like a puppy waiting for its master to return. I hated it.

I loved it as well.

I understood why women snuck around to visit men from the barracks. If this attraction was what they felt, it didn’t excuse it, but I could certainly relate. I was helpless against the yearnings of my heart.

Niehm left her sword at the dorms, thankfully. I walked with her and Elenor through the vendors set up at the gate to the King’s grounds. Some sold fresh foods and baked treats, but many were gift stalls. With the Winter Solstice in two days, many were out shopping for loved ones.

“I don’t know what to get her,” I groaned, tugging against my belt.

My coin purse hung off a belt loop, not tucked in my pants as Darrak once showed me. I smiled at the memory of him and clutched the small bag. I had my cloak thrown over my shoulders. Rafe would have my hide if I hindered my fighting abilities by having it closed. My uniform screamed soldier, and my patch told others I was in an elite class. Yet my chest told people I was a woman, and some might think that made me an easy target.

“Perhaps something useful?” Niehm offered. She broke the sweetloaf she purchased into three pieces to share.

“I can’t imagine what she would need,” I said, taking a bite of the soft, sugary bread.

“Avyanna,” Elenor’s hesitant and serious tone brought my gaze to her. “Think of this. Perhaps you do not return from the front.”

“Elenor, don’t be such a downer,” Niehm gasped.

I frowned, swallowing the pastry down a dry throat. “Aye. What if I don’t?” I said, forcing as much cheerfulness as I could.

It was true, I might not. No matter my chances, I was heading behind enemy lines. I could die any day.

“What will she have to remember you by?” Elenor asked. Her icy blue eyes searched mine.

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