Page 145 of Forcing Fate

Then there was Meredith. I smiled, thinking of the older woman. She would probably just pat my hand and tell me to do my best. She was so kind and sweet and had always been there for me.

In a way, I was thankful for Vivian, too. Her sass and barbs toughened me, made me more resilient to the crude remarks in the barracks. I snorted, amused, as I imagined the expression on her face if I were to tell her ‘thank you’. Had she settled with a life mate and made his life miserable? What if she was genuinely happy? What if I thought all these cruel things about her, and yet she was the one living a joyous life?

I rolled over and my hip dug into the wooden cot. Who was I to judge others? Look at the life I lived. I dared to be different. Yet I’d become a living example of why one shouldn’t. I wanted to make my own way and force the issue. I did, and now regretted it.

There was a roof over my head and food to eat, but I wasn’t happy. I had friends, but I wasn’t thriving. I hated failure, and it seemed as though there was nothing I could do to reduce my limitations. Being short and weak was a defect I couldn’t overcome. No matter how much I trained or practiced, I wouldn’t grow taller. No matter how much I exercised and tried to eat, I wouldn’t get much stronger.

General Rafe claimed he could teach me and said I was just being taught wrong. What if I was allowing myself to be hindered? I growled and rolled to my other side, mentally cursing. I would not take a way out. Besides, I didn’t like him.

My belly clenched as I pictured him—tall, strong, rugged. He was a man that didn’t take no for an answer. A man that didn’t let people push him around. He was proud and cocky because he had earned that right. He was–

Ugh! I slapped my palm to my forehead.

He was rude, mean, and a bull-headed pile of dragon dung.

Why was I thinking like this? I had no interest in joining his Tennan. If anything, I had made it so clear now that if I gave in, it would almost be wrong by virtue of holding out for so long.

I needed to calm my thoughts and think about nothing. Lack of sleep would do me no favors with training tomorrow. Thrashing on the cot, I heaved a sigh, trying to get more comfortable. I just needed to sleep it off. I would feel better in the morning.

My cot shifted, and I woke in a flash. I spun into a crouch, drawing my push dagger from its sheath. My brain scrambled to make sense of the faint light coming through the crack of my door.

A hesitant voice stammered on the other side. “Ah, er, Lady—I mean Cadet Avyanna?”

He sounded young, very young. Perhaps he was put up to this by older soldiers?

“What do you want?” I hissed.

“I was ordered, I mean, well, I was sent to—I mean, if you’re busy–”

“What is it?!” I growled. This boy needed to snap out of it.

“Well, you see, I was sent to retrieve you.”

I squinted at the door, trying to see if there was a hand or any sign of him inside my room. It looked as though he simply opened the door and jostled my cot to wake me.

“I do not wish to be retrieved. Go away.”

I kicked the blanket off my feet and balanced my weight on the cot more evenly. If I had to lash at something that came through that crack, I didn’t want to fall in the process.

“I—er, well, I can’t. You see, I am supposed to—I mean I am–”

I lurched forward and slammed my palm against the door, closing it and cutting the voice off. I pressed against it, waiting for him to try to open it again.

Two soft knocks rapped against the wood.

“Did you just knock on my door?” I whispered in disbelief. How polite was he?

“Well, yes,” came the hushed reply.

“Go away.”

“I can’t!” Exasperation lingered in his tone.

He obviously felt obligated to fulfill his duty. “Who sent you?” I asked.

“General Rafe!”

I recoiled, glaring at the door.

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