Page 106 of Forcing Fate

“No, no.” He chuckled again, then jerked his head, encouraging me to walk beside him. “I was afraid you wouldn’t miss me.”

I tried to offer him a smile, but I knew it wasn’t convincing. My gaze dropped to the frozen path.

“Is it petty that I am saddened because I’ll be alone?” I pushed out a breath, hating the emotion building up in my throat. “Is it selfish that my first thought was simply that you’d be gone? I’m not strong enough to hold my own yet.”

He stopped, waiting to speak until I looked up at him. “Dear Avyanna, you’ve always held your own. You chose this path because you’re strong. And you’re strong enough to finish, too. I know you won’t let me down—will you?”

I closed my eyes and shook my head.

“My job is here, you know? Looking over the homelands–”

“The King’s own bounty hunter,” I finished for him.

“That’s my title. One day, I’ll hear about the fierce Avyanna that has slain thousands on the battlefield. You’ll come home a hero!”

When I opened my eyes to look at him, he wore a sad smile. “Thousands?” I teased.

He laughed. “Absolutely. You might even win the war single-handedly.”

I scoffed, falling into step beside him.

After a span of silence, I gathered the courage to form the question that nagged at my mind the moment I heard the news.

“Did you use me?” My question was barely more than a whisper. I worried he would turn on me, telling me I was worth nothing more than the information I’d given him.

He didn’t falter as he responded, “I don’t use anyone, exactly. I use what they say.” He paused for a moment, regarding me. “If you’re asking if the only reason I got close to you was for your intelligence concerning the school grounds, that would be false. I had no intention of befriending you. You sought me out, remember?”

A soft hum was the only reply I could muster.

“I have a job to do, you understand? I make it a point not to create enemies while in the field, and I do my best to respect individuals. No one is simply a means to an end.” He nudged me with his shoulder. “You’re worth more than that to me.”

We stopped a few paces from the bunkhouse, looking up at it in silence.

“I’m not playing soldier anymore, Avyanna.”

His voice was sorrowful and distant. He wouldn’t sleep here tonight. He would probably bunk down somewhere in the officers’ quarters.

“I’ll be leaving in the morning.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I wanted to say farewell.”

I held his gaze, feeling a little lost. I would miss him, but I didn’t know exactly how to say goodbye. Was I supposed to hug him? That would be unseemly for us. A salute?

He chuckled to himself and rested his hand on top of my head. “Go Avyanna. Prove them all wrong. Show them what you’re made of. Give them a reason to fear you.” Something flickered behind those gray eyes. “I’ll be hearing of you.” He slipped his hand down to my back and gave me a gentle push before stepping aside and disappearing into the shadows.

So now, I was alone.

Winter of Year 896

The next few weeks flew by in a blur. I concentrated on my training and steadily ignored all the lewd comments of the other soldiers. Commander Dewal didn’t allow me to be treated as anything less than the others and held me to the same standards. That helped me focus on my training and not on my comrades.

It was a few days shy of the winter solstice and I had written my mother, telling her not to visit. I claimed I was holed up in a job that wouldn’t allow visitors… which, to be honest, was true. Soldiers were not allowed visitors. If requested, we were permitted a pass to visit the nearby villages, though.

I didn’t bother with the pass, but rather had Elenor pick out a heavy winter blanket and send it to my mother with the letter. I wasn’t quite ready for her to see what I had done, for her to judge my actions.

I walked along the path from the officers’ quarters to the dining hall, where Willhelm and his friends waited for me. The snow crunched beneath my boots, and I pulled my cloak tighter around me to ward off the cold.

Tomorrow, I would be eighteen-winters. That seemed like a benchmark for some reason. Two more—and I would be old enough to be called a Lady. I would be a lady soldier. I scoffed, smiling at the snow. What a ridiculous concept. There was nothing ladylike about the way I trained or how I lived. There was no privacy, no illusion of femininity. I was a soldier through and through.

“Hail!”

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