Page 117 of Forcing Fate

“That’s good to hear. Keep it that way, dear. At least until you return from the front.” She patted my hand and stood, grabbing her satchel. “I’ll be off. I will come to check on you later tonight. Once you’re up and moving, I want you to visit my quarters daily for the next fortnight.”

I nodded and watched her leave. Falling back on the bed, my body was tired, but my mind was wide awake. I lay there counting the days and realized yesterday was the Winter Solstice. I hoped my mother had taken my letter to heart and didn't come. To think of what she would say if she saw me in such a place! If she knew of what had happened!

I rubbed my face vigorously. It all seemed like a bad dream. Was Victyr really gone? Was he really dead?

Against my wishes, guilt crept into my heart. He was someone’s son. Someone would mourn him. The men General Rafe killed were all sons, maybe brothers. Some mother, some father out there would grieve their loss. How would the army send back word?

‘To whom it may concern: Your son was executed with a record of dishonorable conduct concerning a female soldier.’

Female soldier.

They’d blame me for it. They would hold me accountable. To them, their blood would be on my hands, regardless of who struck the killing blow.

I groaned. Here I was, being selfish again, only thinking of myself and how this would affect me. They would blame me. Me. Me. Me.

General Rafe stormed in and I shot upright in the bed. He glared at my surprised face.

“This is my cabin,” he grunted, and removed his fur vest, revealing a sleeveless tunic that clung to his sweaty skin.

I averted my eyes, as the fabric left little to be imagined. “I beg your pardon, General.” It suddenly felt as though I was imposing. I was in his cabin. In his bed. A blush crept up my cheeks at that thought. This was so wrong. “I will sleep on the floor tonight, sir. I did not mean to impose.”

His lack of movement drew my attention, and I looked up to see him frozen. He was halfway into a fresh tunic, it over his head and chest, leaving his thick abs shining in the firelight. I swallowed audibly and tore my eyes off him as he resumed motion, pulling it on completely.

“What did she say?” he demanded, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Pardon?”

“Why the change?”

“I’m in my right mind, sir.” I offered a nervous smile.

“And you think I’m not?”

“I don’t believe you would do this for just any soldier, sir.”

“Enough with the ‘sir’,” he snapped, turning to his desk. “You are just any soldier.”

I held my tongue at his tone. I was making him angry, but I wanted to stress the point that if it had been any other soldier, he would have relinquished them to the Healers.

“Did you think I was coddling you?” He whirled on me, sneering, with a book in hand. “Did you believe I’d fallen for your girlish charm?”

I flinched at his words. The world flashed white with snow and I saw Victyr’s face. I shook my head hard and brought myself back to the present.

“No, sir. I just–”

“You’re a soldier, that’s all. The poison set you apart.”

He tossed a book at me. It fell to the bed, and I picked it up, prying it open. The first several pages were filled in with the names of plants and herbs, with reactions, symptoms, and remedies listed beside them—almost like a guide. I skimmed it, realizing he was cataloging plants. Poisonous plants, and their antidotes. The book was only a third full, the rest of the pages blank. I looked up at him, holding the book gingerly.

“You’re not so special. The poison is worth more to me than you.”

I flushed and held the book out to him. “I think I’ll move to the bunkhouse, sir. If you don’t mind,” I said, struggling to get my feet over the side of the raised bed.

“Now I’ve offended the child,” he muttered, snatching the book from me. He dropped it haphazardly on the desk and pushed my legs onto the bed. “Tonight is your last night here. Tomorrow you resume training. You’re weak and you’ve fallen behind. Don’t be so eager. Dewal will push you.”

“Where will you sleep?” I asked slowly, laying back down. I’d been here for days now. Surely, he was ready for his own space.

This man was maddening. One moment I thought him gentle and caring, then the next he was cold and cruel.

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