Page 29 of All the Promises We Break

I wrestle around with the idea of sharing what’s in my head. It would be nice to be totally honest, but I don’t even know what I’d be totally honest about. “Thanks. It’s, well, complicated.”

“Shit. I excel at that. You don’t have to tell me everything, I just want to help.”

“This is just between you and me, right?”

“If you want it to be, sure.”

“Well, there’s this guy. We’ll call him,” I pause for what feels like forever. I want to blurt out his name. Instead, I go for the obvious, “We’ll call him Rick. Anyway, he’s someone I’ve known for a long time. We’ve just been friends, you know? He gives me shit. I dish it right back. No big deal. Well, lately, like just the last few days, I’ve looked at him differently and I don’t know what it means.”

Dylan props her head with her hand on the couch cushion. “Okay, can you talk to him about it?”

“I suppose I could. Oh, Dylan. He’s not the type of guy I normally go for. He can be rude, gross, and a pompous ass. He’s a bit older than me too. But he helped me sort out something pretty heavy the other day, and I saw another side to him.”

“Do you think he’s thinking the same things? I mean, you’re pretty damn awesome.”

I look down at my hands fidgeting in my lap. “I’m afraid to ask because it might make things worse, more awkward.”

“I have another suggestion if you just want to keep it more casual.”

“I’ll take any help I can get.”

“What if you invited him over for dinner at our place? It could be just you, me, Eli, and Rick. We could help with the conversation. It might help you decide to see us all together.”

How I wish I could do that. I want to be like, we already do spend time together. Now we’ll be spending so much more now that Wes and I will be driving the wedding bus. “I’ll thinkabout it. I love the idea. Maybe the timing is just off. I think I’ll wait until after the wedding, so there isn’t the added pressure of making time and having him possibly feel like he’d have to be my date.”

“I can understand that. I don’t like seeing you unhappy though. You’re like rainbows and sunshine happy all the time. It pisses me off, actually.”

I love that Dylan cares so much. She wants me in her life, and it matters how I think and feel. “You know, you’ve got this Sawyer thing down.”

“Sawyer thing?” she laughs.

“We’re all uber helpers. I would bring home all the stray animals. Eli would fight for all the causes. Mom and Dad put us first always. We could stand alone but we didn’t have to. I know that’s why Eli picked you.”

“I think we picked each other.”

Leave it to Mom to take over in a heartbeat, but in a good way. Somewhere between dessert and coffee she’d already found a special notebook, then captured my father’s office along with his laptop for the question-and-answer period of what Dylan and Eli want for the ceremony and reception.

I feel sort of out of place. I want to listen but I’m having a hard time concentrating on the details. I’m leaning against the frame of the door to the office when I feel a tap on my shoulder. Wes is just out of full view of everyone and motions for me to join him.

I quietly slip away. The front door is open. Wes’s shadow is just beyond the reach of the lights inside. He’s raking his hand through his hair over and over again. It’s like he’s trying to massage away a headache. I step into the darkness with him and close the door behind me.

“I’m here. What’s up?” I ask.

“What’s up? Seriously?” he quietly barks. “Is this your version of leaving things alone? Why don’t you just skywrite that you were talking about me at dinner?”

“Oh my God. Calm the fuck down. No one has a clue. Maybe that’s just your guilty conscience talking.”

“Guilty? What the fuck would I have to feel guilty about?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Coming on to me, not once but twice, then acting like nothing happened. Are you five?”

“Coming on to you? Is that what you call it?”

“What else do you want me to call it? Kissing me then basically telling me fuck off? A severe case of not being able to be an adult?”

“Is that what you think is happening here? Seriously?!”

“Happened here. You can’t even get your tenses right.”

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