Page 338 of Lars

“Oh, I’m just wonderful.”

Now he seemed to understand.

But rather than comfort me, it felt like he started to attack me.

“Why are you wasting a second thought on him?!” Alistair demanded. “He left you – he abandoned you!”

“He was in prison,” I snapped. “In Milan, of all places!”

He’d been in fucking Italy.

Not halfway around the world in China, or South Africa, or Argentina –

But fucking Italy.

Just 600 miles away.

Alistair scoffed. “He’s probably lying.”

“It’s easy enough to check, isn’t it?” I asked angrily. “Why the fuck couldn’t you find him if he was in Italy?”

Alistair looked uneasy. “Like I said, he’s probably lying – ”

“But what if he’s not?!”

“I’ll find out,” he said grumpily.

“And he said Gunnar was looking for me! If that was the case, why couldn’t you find him?”

“If a Chinese spy is looking for you, that doesn’t mean – ”

“STOP SAYING THAT!” I yelled. “You’ve been saying that forever, but there’s no proof!”

“Then why wouldn’t he tell you who he worked for?” Alistair shot back.

I didn’t have an answer for that.

I just turned and started up the stairs.

“Rachel,” he said angrily.

I ignored him.

“Rachel!” he yelled after me.

“I want to be alone,” I said dully, and shut the bedroom door behind me.

I didn’t go down for dinner. I’d completely lost my appetite.

I just lay there in bed and stared into space.

I thought a little about what Lars’s life must have been like over the last three years…

But mostly I was just numb. Like I was dead inside.

Alistair came up after 10 o’clock, undressed, and got into bed beside me.

He put his hand on my shoulder. “Rachel…”

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