Page 220 of Lars

I shoved the ring in my pocket and walked away from the river.

I don’t remember the rest of that evening. All I know is I woke up in a shitty hotel with an empty bottle of vodka and the worst hangover I’d ever had.

And then I remembered why I’d gotten drunk, and I was overwhelmed with the worst grief I’d ever had. Even worse than losing my mother.

But I remembered the ring.

I panicked as I shoved my hand in my pocket –

It was still there.

I pulled it out, looked at it for a long moment… then searched for the necklace, which was in the other pocket.

With unsteady fingers from my hangover, I threaded the necklace through the ring and put it back around my neck. I felt the cold metal against my skin like a reminder of what I had to remember.

Never forget:

When you have the shot… TAKE THE SHOT.

109

After I got some greasy diner food and was feeling about 25% human again, I called Gunnar.

“How did it go?” he asked excitedly.

“…it didn’t.”

There was a long silence, followed by, “Oh shit… oh man, Lars… I’m so sorry…”

I thought about not telling him the next thing because it hurt like hell to say it – but I needed to accept it and move on.

“She’s engaged to somebody else.”

“…fuck…”

I thought about saying, You were right, Gunnar. You should have contacted her first.

Or maybe, I never should have looked her up in the first place.

But I knew those thoughts were bullshit. They were the coward’s way out and a lie.

The truth was, I would’ve never been able to stay away from her.

As long as there was a chance, then I would’ve taken it.

I would’ve had to know for sure.

It hurt like hell finding out like I did, but it was over. The bullet had been cut out of the wound. I could heal now.

But… I did have one request.

“Do me a favor,” I said, “and never mention her name to me again.”

“Okay…” Gunnar said mournfully. “Are you still going to come see me?”

“Yeah. I’ll let you know when I get my ticket – but I need to take care of a couple of things first.”

“Okay. I’m really, really sorry, Lars.”

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