Page 89 of Cross To Bear

“Just breathe for me, Maddie girl. Long, slow breaths.”

He tried to show me, tried to be the voice of reason, but that quaver in his tone made clear he was being destroyed right there with me. But he sucked in a long breath and I followed suit, doing the exact same, both of us breathing in time until our heart rates synced.

They were mine. That thought was triumphant and greedy, fierce and filled with the sweetest joy. It filled me up like a balloon, this golden, perfect happiness. My lips curved into a smile, then became a grin, and for the first time, I watched Hawk do the same thing.

“You’re gonna be OK, love. Nothing will touch you now, not while we still draw breath. We’ve got you, Maddie.” His lips twisted, as if this fact hurt him somehow. “We always have. You never have to go through this shit again, ever.”

I reached for him then, reached for them, each man clustering closer. My hands roamed, caressing stubbled cheeks or strong chins, brushing through silky soft hair or across full lips, until a woman in green scrubs came bustling in.

“She’s awake?” She grabbed the chart from the end of my bed. “You must be feeling a bit sore. Let’s set you up with some pain relief, shall we?”

I didn’t want it, didn’t need it, not when I had them, but I couldn’t tell her that. I stared at each one of my guys, mutely trying to tell them. I believed them now, with my own heart, but they’d neglected to mention something in all of their talk about fated mates. That I’d feel just as intense need to be near them, to be touching them, hearing their voices, smelling their scents. That I’d need them just as much as they needed me. The sleuth and I, we shared a secret look, which gave me hope they understood, right as the nurse added something to my drip. A cold, woozy feeling followed, and as I dropped down into the narcotic haze of the drug, I knew. They’d be here while I slept and while I was awake. In sickness and health, for better or worse, they’d be by my side. I clung to that certainty as I fell back into sleep.

“Hey.” When my eyes flicked open again, I found Crash sitting beside my bed, a sketchbook in hand. He put that aside along with the pencil, then moved closer. “How we feeling?” I watched his hand move closer, the pause, a small frown forming as he took in my current state. “That’s a stupid fucking question. I’ll get the nurse…” His voice trailed away as I reached for his hand.

I had a needle shoved into the back of mine, secure by tape, but that didn’t stop me from squeezing his hand tight. Not him stepping closer, gently, so gently touching the side of my face, like I was made of glass, not flesh. Nor did it hold back his words, delivered in a low, urgent tone.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Maddie…”

His head came closer and closer, and I tugged my oxygen mask down, knowing I needed to feel his lips on mine, but right as I did, a nurse came walking in through the door.

“Oh, you’re awake. Good, I need to do some observations.” She shot Crash a polite smile, forcing him to back off so she could take my blood pressure and record the results, then write down several other measurements from the machines beeping around me. “So how’re we doing pain wise?”

“Fine…” I croaked, then started coughing.

“You’re pretty dried out. Try this.” She removed the oxygen mask altogether, grabbing a cup full of ice chips, but then she saw Crash looming there. “See if she can hold some of these in her mouth to moisten it. Not too much all at the same time.”

He grabbed the cup from her readily before she nodded and then left the room.

“All right, let's give this a go.”

I shouldn’t be thinking dirty thoughts as he fished a small piece of ice out, then pushed it between my lips, but my body was pretty ready to start feeling nice things, not pain. So my mouth closed around his finger as he gave me the ice, my tongue sliding around the pad before sucking on the chip. He blinked, stared into my eyes and then grabbed out another bit of ice, ready to hand it over when I was done. My mouth felt like it sucked in the moisture like dry sand does the rain, my lips parting so he could give me more ice. I went through a few before finally shaking my head and saying, “I’m done,” in a much more normal voice. He made sure to set the ice down close to me, so I’d be able to reach for it, before pulling his chair right up to my bed. His hands cradled mine gently in his grip.

“The others will be here soon enough. We’re supposed to be sitting with you in shifts, but no bastard wants to wait around to see you. I made them go home and have a sleep. Razor’s bear was about to push through and make himself known and Hawk was just about ready to fight a nurse when she wanted to wake you up for observations.”

“What about you?” I asked.

“Me?” I watched his cheeks start to pink. “Seems to me that I need to keep my shit together so I can be there for you.” He shot me a sidelong look, but once our gazes met, that’s where they stayed. “So I’m keeping everything locked down tight.”

I reached up then, tracing the harsh slope of his cheek, rubbing my fingers in the now gingery stubble forming. His eyelashes fluttered, then settled, a tiny sound of pleasure escaping his lips, but he quickly smothered it. His head did nudge into my palm gently, as if the bear was riding him right now, wanting pats. I smoothed my thumb across his cheekbone as he spoke.

“I just need to be here for you, Maddie. That’s all I fucking need. Sleep can come later, when you’re back home, safe with us.” He rubbed his chin restively against my palm. “The minute we get you through the front door, that’s when I can take a full breath.”

“You need rest too,” I said, frowning slightly. “I don’t need you to run yourself ragged.”

“Too late.” He smiled to soften his words but then pulled back to nod at his sketchbook. “And anyway, I’ve got my art journal to work in. This is helping me catch up with some design work.”

“What were you working on when I woke up?” I asked then went to shuffle to one side of the hospital bed. An involuntary hiss escaped my lips when I tried to move my leg.

“What’re you doing?” He got to his feet in alarm. “Don’t move that leg.”

“I want you to lie down next to me,” I said, “then you can rest too as you show me your work.”

“I can’t do that,” he said in alarm, taking me in, all the tubes connected to me and the machines that go ping. “I’m too big and–”

“Please.”

It was a strange thing, knowing that I could make a request of someone I cared about and knowing I would get an automatic yes. There was a terrible kind of power to it, one I’d have to be careful about using. But he moved over to the opposite side, shifting my leg over oh so carefully, then awkwardly clambering onto the bed to join me on it.

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