Page 20 of Cross To Bear

“What Krystel was talking about?”

“Piqued your interest, Big Fella?” I stared down at his hand as he slapped me on the shoulder and he just shook his head. “That’s a hard one. They like it in porn plenty, but how do the actresses really feel about it?” He shrugged. “No way of knowing, though… From what I can tell, it’s all about the stretch.”

“Women like to be stretched?”

I scanned the chaos unfolding before us, saw another waitress being pulled onto a bloke’s lap. She looked a lot less pleased about it, but before I could move forward, Roxy was there, slapping a pool cue down on the table. The guy put his hands up in surrender, right before the waitress scrambled away. Roxy had some terse words with him, the man getting belligerent, right before she let her animal bleed through.

Roxy was a fox shifter, something we’d worked out real quick. They didn’t have the best reputation in the shifter world, but I didn’t grow up with the same prejudices others did. I didn’t even know what I was until I was half way through my teenage years. Nor that Crash was my half-brother. My mother, she was too fucking much like Krystel and while I hadn’t seen her getting it on with guys, I… was left conflicted about what women actually wanted.

Razor didn’t laugh at my question, taking another swig from his beer.

“Women like what feels good for them and it’s different with each one.” His eyes met mine. “There’s not a lot of nerve endings inside a vagina. It’s all in their clit mostly.” His lips twitched. “You know what that is?”

I scowled at him. Yes, I did, because I’d looked it up online when I was old enough to know about the differences between men and women.

“Of course I fucking do.”

“Just making sure, brother, because when we finally win Maddie…” Bjorn called Razor a pie-eyed optimist sometimes, but right now I needed that belief, in a future we all longed for. He tilted his beer bottle my way. “Need to know you know which end is which and what’ll make her feel good.”

“That’s why I’m asking, aren’t I?”

“An enquiring mind is a good thing,” he said, staring out at the crowd, though that wasn’t what he was seeing, I was willing to bet. “So that feeling of being stretched? Hurts a woman the first few times she has sex, but afterwards? Makes her real aware that you’re inside her. Quietens her mind and brings her focus right where you need it, on where your body meets hers. And if you angle your dick just right, you’ll rake against something that’ll have her squirming.”

“Her G-spot?”

I barely muttered that, not wanting the others to overhear.

“You have done your research. Seems to me that if she can take two dicks inside her, there’s no way you’re missing it. The two of you’ll be mashing it over and over, maybe making her gush.”

I’d dug deep into the articles about female ejaculation, the medical community unsure if it was real or not, but… The idea of Maddie bursting all over me, unable to hold back as she came apart. I liked that. I liked it a whole lot.

“You think we could make that happen?”

He snorted then shook his head.

“We’ve got a long way to go until we can get anywhere near shit like that, so yeah…” He let out a sigh then set his beer down. “I want it, Hawk. I want it with every breath in my body. My dick aches for it every fucking night, even after I’ve busted a load, but more than that.” As his fingers gripped the bar, I saw his claws spring free. “My heart aches for her. That’s what keeps me up at night, what makes me want to smack in Jesse’s stupid fucking face. He’s kept that from us for all this time, not knowing whether or not Maddie will accept the bond.” His claws buried themselves into the wood. “Or whether she will walk away from all of us.”

All of my curiosity dried up in that second, and I drank down the rest of my beer, relishing the bitter taste. Because it had nothing on the harsh feeling burning in my chest. It’s a bear shifter’s curse, to long for a woman who may or may not love him back. I wasn’t a devout man, the information I was given about the bear gods was nebulous at best, but right then, I fucking prayed that something, anything, would bring Maddie back to us.

Chapter 13

Three weeks later

If you were in a relationship with someone for three years, you were supposed to miss them after you broke up with them, right?

But I didn’t.

It didn’t happen on the day I announced we were splitting. Once the guys left, Mal and I had sat down on the balcony, ignoring the cigarette butts, and she’d pushed a tequila shot my way. I explained what bear shifters were and fated mates and swore her to secrecy.

“Who’d believe me if I told them?” she said, holding out a slice of lime and some salt. “Bears in fucking Australia.”

We got seriously drunk and she caught a cab home, and when I fell on the bed into a sodden sleep, I hadn’t felt anything but a slight spinning sensation.

Then came the next morning.

Surely I’d feel something now. I did, in the form of a throbbing headache, an acid feeling roiling in my guts, and after I cooked myself a greasy, hangover-friendly breakfast, I sat there, staring at my toast, bacon and eggs and waited. I was still waiting for the impact of my decision to hit when I was done, and again when I washed my dishes, only feeling something when I saw the bucket of cleaning supplies on the bench.

The cloths had been wrung out and hung over the edge of the bucket, but the water was still dirty, so I picked it up and emptied it, watching the brown water swirl down the drain. Something went with it, I felt. Something just as muddy and unwanted, disappearing down the darkened plug hole, leaving me feeling vaguely empty once it was done. I swished the remaining silt from the bucket and then refilled it, ready to start. But when I wiped the cloth over the counter tops, I saw them—all of them.

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